Why do parents tell kids they are more than they are?

Discussion in 'Political Opinions & Beliefs' started by I justsayin, May 27, 2015.

  1. I justsayin

    I justsayin Well-Known Member

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    Part of our decline as a society is that parents give kids the impression they are better and more talented than they are. Then they can't cope with life as they get older. This is an issue that needs to stop. I don't get why they don't see the harm they are causing.
     
  2. I justsayin

    I justsayin Well-Known Member

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  3. Spooky

    Spooky Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    This reminds me of the story of the guy who built a brand new, very powerful space laser that every scientist in the world says was impossible to do.

    When asked how he was able to figure it out he replied, "well, nobody told me it was impossible so I just did it."

    I hope you get the meaning there.
     
  4. I justsayin

    I justsayin Well-Known Member

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    If we were turning out these more of these great stories that would be awesome. we aren't.
     
  5. Spooky

    Spooky Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Blame the parents then.

    It is easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission and that can apply here. It is far easier to explain to a child that they failed because of this and that and there are ways to improve rather than telling them not to even bother trying because they will fail.

    This translates very well into the political arena also in terms of issues like welfare and government entitlement programs.

    In order for parents to teach the proper methods to their children they are going to need the government to also instill that on a societal basis.
     
  6. Tram Law

    Tram Law Banned

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    I believe the reason why many spoil their kids is because they didn't get enough attention when they were children and are projecting that onto their kids.

    That's my own personal opinion though.
     
  7. Quantum Nerd

    Quantum Nerd Well-Known Member

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    Do you have a child? If yes, you probably wouldn't ask that question.

    Confidence is what it's all about. Hearing your child say that they won't even try something because they know they will fail because they are worthless (being told to them by other kids) is heart wrenching to a parent. Thus, parents do everything to boost their child's confidence. If that leads sometimes to overconfidence, so be it, at least the kid will try things and won't give up before even attempting.

    As to Tram Law, this has nothing to do with spoiling, which is a whole other issue.
     
  8. Steady Pie

    Steady Pie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I mostly agree. Kids need to have realistic expectations. One thing I disagree with is where their ambition could take them somewhere, but probably won't.

    ie: telling your kid he can be anything he wants in life, even though he probably won't. If he put in the effort, sure, he could be an astronaut. No problem, anyone could - with the proper willpower and discipline.

    But telling your kid he's "special" is just retarded. He's not.
     
  9. Xenamnes

    Xenamnes Banned

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    It is the self-esteem movement. And it is a movement that is wrong. Continually praising children to greater degrees than are warranted, will eventually lead them to being afraid to even try because they might fail to live up to expectation.

    The self-esteem movement should be done away with entirely.
     
  10. blackharvest216

    blackharvest216 Banned

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    that may be true for you personally but in many other cultures, parents don't worship their kids the way we do, and they come out more successful, Americans themselves are often treated like this as adults, "you are great just because" is almost our nations motto. I think the participation trophies are more for the parents ive never seen a kid in my life brag about a getting a participation trophy. I also don't understand how you expect to tell a kid his whole life he's perfect and can do anything when he's as dumb as rock and think he should just settle on not going to college and cleaning toilets.

    WERE BREEDING STUPID CONFIDENT PEOPLE

    [video=youtube;nX4ApsK-2eA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX4ApsK-2eA[/video]
     
  11. perdidochas

    perdidochas Well-Known Member

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    Because the worst thing that you can tell a child is that they are basically worthless. I would rather tell a child that they can do more than they can actually do, than be negative and too realistic. Also, you are assuming that parents can realistically appraise their kids. We can't.

    My approach is to tell my sons that they should try to do things, even if they think there is little chance of success. If they don't succeed, at least they tried instead of sitting on their butt and thinking that they can't do anything.

    This whole issue is a balancing act by parents. You don't want your kid to think that they are supermen, but you similarly don't want them to think they are worthless.

    My guess is that most of the problems we have with kids is not them thinking they can do anything, but rather that they don't need to work for anything, and that they should give up before they try.
     
  12. PeppermintTwist

    PeppermintTwist Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Because OP...most of these parents actually believe that their kids are the end al be all. Check out the Hollywood stars that shove talentless kids into show biz for all the world to see just how untalented they are.

    That being said, it is better to build a child's self-confidence than to not and that is just common sense.
     
  13. JoeSixpack

    JoeSixpack New Member

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    Building confidence is good, as long as along the way the speed bumps, road blocks in life and failing is a part of the journey.

    It is the spoiling, and the opposite end of the spectrum by telling kids they are useless/worthless that is creating so many adults that have the entitlement mentality. Both at the rich and poor levels in our society.

    You get both ends of extremism. Rich pompous asses who proclaim, "Do you know who I am?", when you really don't give a damn, or the opposing extreme of poor people who think they should be given everything because they are useless and worthless to get it on their own, because society made them that way.

    The sad truth is society, not just their parents, has made them both that way.
     
  14. I justsayin

    I justsayin Well-Known Member

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    Self confidence comes from adversity. Modern parents try to shiled kids from adversity.
     
  15. perotista

    perotista Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    It is society as a whole, more or less. We as a society are putting feelings ahead of learning, decision making, actions, responsibility and more. If a kid is no good at sport A and finishes last, we give everyone in sport A a trophy as to not hurt his feelings. What should have been done is to give the winner by the winner's self the trophy and let those who lost know that they have to work harder and improve themselves, raise themselves up is they want to be a winner in that sport. It is like life, there are winners and losers and those kids who are taught young everyone is a winner most likely will end up being a loser and not try or strive for improvement.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I agree with that, self confidence comes from teaching kids to overcome adversity, teaching them that they failed to win today, but if they work hard, strive for improvement, they can win tomorrow.
     
  16. Hotdogr

    Hotdogr Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    The argument could be made that, in the case of the poor, exactly the opposite is true. Kids are told that rich white folks are going to prevent them from succeeding no matter what they do, and so they may as well just not try. No need to value education if you believe it is not going to benefit you. No need to nurture work ethic if you believe that it's a dead-end job.

    There is value, I think, in encouraging kids to be all they can be, and pointing out their weaknesses is counter to that goal. Far more damage is done to kids by creating a sense of entitlement in them, rather than encouraging them to work for and earn what they get.
     
  17. I justsayin

    I justsayin Well-Known Member

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    The basics of success!! You nailed it.
     
  18. raytri

    raytri Well-Known Member

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    There's nothing wrong with giving participation trophies or medals. The kid is doing something he doesn't have to do; so you mark it. Hell, the military does participation trophies, too -- campaign ribbons and the like. Always has.

    As long as there are still trophies for above-average achievement, I don't see the problem. The team that won the championship gets a championship trophy, and everyone gets a commemoration of the season.

    Further, kids aren't stupid. They know which trophies and certificates are meaningful. Sometimes, a kid may be proud simply that they did something, so a participation medal is meaningful to them. But they certainly know it's not as significant as the championship medal.

    This is one of the tiredest of tired conservative memes -- right up there with any "Kids these days..." claim.

    My children are 15 and 12, and the kids I know through them are, for the most part, WAY more together and smart than we were when I was young. The stuff they're doing in school, the level of awareness, maturity and thoughtfulness they exhibit -- it all beats my generation by a mile.
     
  19. FreshAir

    FreshAir Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    most great discoveries come when people believed they could, when others thought they couldn't

    what I really hate is how some classify people that say work 40 hours a week at a min wage job as losers, at least they are trying, they are not losers....
     
  20. perotista

    perotista Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    That is not happening, I mean awarding participation trophies and a winners trophy. If both, fine. But more and more I see and hear about just awarding participation trophies to everyone. I do not see what that accomplishes. The winner and losers end up with the same thing, the same trophy.

    Your example is fine and I think is good if done that way. But back in my day and I watched my kids and some of my grand kids play sports, their reward if they didn't win was the participation itself.
     
  21. raytri

    raytri Well-Known Member

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    I have two kids under the age of 16. I have never seen a case where only participation medals were given out, unless it was something non-competitive.
     
  22. Quantum Nerd

    Quantum Nerd Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with that. Winning is already totally overemphasized in today's society, and the kids know it. They know perfectly well if they have done well in an event or not.
     
  23. GeddonM3

    GeddonM3 Well-Known Member

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    I don't think the problem with society is parents overly loving their child and trying to build their confidence.... I think it is children who grow up with parents that do not give a damn about them is the major problem.
     
  24. Telekat

    Telekat Member Past Donor

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    There are obviously risks involved when said praise becomes automated and lazy but in general, praise, and yes even "excessive" praise, is psychologically beneficial to a child's development. Confidence is something that, contrary to popular belief, is actually lacking in children today, especially teenagers. Hence why depression and borderline personality (self-mutilation) are so common. A two year old painting a picture of a balloon may not be all that impressive to you...but your praise could mean the difference between them giving up on painting entirely or pursuing the art and possibly even finding themselves to be the next Michelangelo.
     
  25. Tuniwalrus

    Tuniwalrus Banned

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    So blacks should stop telling their kids that someday they could drop the fries at McDonald's? Maybe tell them about welfare and section-8 instead?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Actually, the problem is that blacks grow up without parents. The mother doesn't even know who the father is, and the mother was 15 so the grandparents had to do the job.
     

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