My Second Life and other Secrets

When we met, she was working as a concierge at a hotel I often used. I fell in love with her almost on sight. By then I had been seeing escorts long enough that a gorgeous young woman didn't rattle me. I made a point of talking to her and asked what she would like to do with her life. Most of all she wanted to travel. As it so happened, I was about to take a contract that would have me traveling all over the world. So I offered to take her with me. One thing led to another and I essentially had my first sugar baby. The understanding was that we were friends with benefits... on steroids. But she never pretended to love me. Nonetheless, we grew close very quickly. And we never took that trip. It involved too many places that were marginal or dangerous. Can you imagine leaving a smoking hot blonde alone all day in places like Turkey? No way!!! I would have been worried sick about her all day. But by then our arrangement was well established and we had gotten close.

One night Freud took over. It was around Christmas time, I had gotten us a really nice hotel. As we sat down for a wonderful dinner in our room, by the fireplace, I was feeling as much in love as a man could but for six months had managed to hide it. I was worried that if she knew how strongly I felt she would run like the wind. The reason she was there in the first place was that she didn't want to be in a committed relationship.

I looked at her and went to say "I feel closer every time we see each other". But what I heard come out of my mouth, much to my shock and horror was, "I fall more in love with you every time I see you" WTF?!?!? I REALLY didn't just say that, did I? She just sat there looking stunned. And she could surely see that I was just as stunned. And then she did the sweetest thing. She grabbed my hand and walked over to the bed, and sat down. With such care and grace she held my hand, looked into my eyes with compassion, and said, "I'm sorry but I'm not in love with you". I know, I replied, and that's okay. So from there it was a game of loving her with all my heart but only showing as much as I dare, And slowly but surely she grew to love me. In fact, I know the first time she really made love to me instead of just having sex. I knew it the moment it happened. But it took her another couple of months to admit it. She had tried her best not to get too close but I was relentless. She didn't understand that I knew she was going to hurt me, and that's okay. I accepted that early on. But why walk away. Enjoy every moment for as long as it lasts. So that's what I did. And when the day came for her to leave, letting her go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I always knew the day would come.

We saw each other after it ended but eventually she faded away. What ended things was an old boyfriend who she loved as I loved her. We had even talked about it. Even in love we were like two peas in a pod. He was out of her life but showed up again. That was the beginning of the end. Finally she told me one day that she didn't feel right about doing this anymore. She loved him.

 

We had ourselves quite the little plan for our world adventure. You have to admit, for a man, this idea was a stroke of genius. I would be working all day. She wanted to explore but was also looking for other forms of adventure. In particular, she wanted to unleash her bisexuality. She didn't want to get involved with women in our area because her interest was strictly sexual. She didn't want to have a relationship with another woman, just sex. So hooking up with other women she knew she would never see again, was ideal. And being that she was incredibly hot, she could attract other extremely attractive women. So, while I worked, she would explore the club scene and find a woman to join us for the evening. She didn't need to sell herself. Her looks were all she needed. And a hot woman giving me the okay to another hot woman is all but a sure thing. So we were going to explore Europe and other places in the world, while she unleashed her bisexuality, and I got easy threesomes. I thought that was pure genius even if I do say so myself. And she was all for it.

 

Okay, just one more... I had to mention this because it helped me climb out of the hole in a big way. It may seem cliche but when a song speaks to you on a very deep and meaningful level, it doesn't matter. There is truth in this. This is ALL about male empowerment. As I explored the world of escorts and strippers [I had never been to a strip club or seen escorts] It became my mantra for the first year. Note how it even starts with strip clubs as the background. It helped me to internalize the sense of empowerment that I needed; getting back in touch with my primal nature. And it spoke to me because I did feel like I was rising to the top; had the guts got the glory. The radical, reckless, and abrupt change in my lifestyle, and taking some big risks, was beginning to yield rewards I had never imagined possible at my age. And I was definitely feeling like a survivor.

[video=youtube;btPJPFnesV4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4[/video]

I did the strip club scene for a time, about 3 months; party out of curiosity, and partly as a form of desensitization. It is quite a change going from middle-age married guy to engaging with hot 20 somethings. So my thought was to use submersion therapy. And it worked. In fact, I got to be friends with the hottest stripper there LOL!!! She ended up being my personal barber for the next two years. But she too had rocked my boat pretty hard, not like number one but in a profoundly primal sense that brought something out of me I had never experienced before. I won't go into the details but it involved a lap dance. She touched something very deep and primal. It was my inner animal - my sexual core. To this day I can't explain it but she made me growl. I spontaneous growled like a freaking Klingon! I didn't even sound human. It shocked me! I had never heard such a sound come from me before. But it was cool. I felt what I sounded like. I recognized that this was an awakening at the deepest level. It was bringing back to life a big part of me that had died.

 

Disease from any cause can never be entirely eliminated but given modern practices and abilities it can be very much reduced, and as far as mental disease goes I can think of few psychiatrists who would not agree that sexual abstinence causes FAR more neuroses than does a healthy amount of sexuality. Excess in anything is never healthy, of course. All things in moderation, including moderation, as Franklin said.

 

Alvy's therapist: How often do you sleep together?

Annie's therapist: Do you have sex often?

Alvy: Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.

Annie: Constantly. I'd say three times a week.
- Annie Hall

 

The psychiatric profession isn't about curing mental illness, it's about maintaining a reliably profitable clientele. So setting aside the perspective of those with a vested interest, perhaps it behooves us to consider the multitude of women who were molested as children, and who may find themselves reliving that experience later in life, with men who are oblivious to having been unconsciously cast in the role of the molester by those women, and can't understand why their GF's are so implacable.

Of course that's no big problem for a "serial monogamist" type of guy, who, having exacerbated her problem unawares for the sake of his own lust, will just head for greener pastures; but woe betide the man who then tries to become an honest-to-God husband to that woman, and to their children.

 

I have run into a couple of women who have serious issues. It doesn't take long to tell and you stay away from that. Usually they don't make it past the first coffee date. The fact is that a lot of very normal, healthy women have chosen this path to some extent, for some period of time. In fact, I've met some rather amazing women along the way. And they will tell you that they enjoy many of the interesting men they meet. Sugar babies are generally far more personal relationships akin to FWBs, sometimes more. But even escorts are the first to get ticked if you try to make them out as victims. There is a dark underbelly to the sex world to be sure. And a lot of terrible things do go on. But there is another side that involves mostly very normal people who are coping with life in a way that works for us. The latest literature supports this. The old stereotypes generally no longer apply. And it isn't unusual for a sugar baby or an escort to marry a sugar daddy or client. I would have married my first sugar baby in a heartbeat. And she knew it. We joke about it all the time but she knew that she only need say the word and I'll marry her on the spot.

 

One year on my birthday, she had brought a cake and we were doing the typical "making a wish" routine. I opened my eyes and sighed. It didn't come true, I said. How do you know so fast? she asked. Because you're not wearing a wedding dress, I replied. I was serious. She knew it and she blushed [rare for her!] Later, she virtually raped me.

 

It's all a matter of perspective

I have a Muslim friend close to my age, from Pakistan, who has been following my exploits for a few years now. His family is still in Pakistan but he is working to bring them all here. It's fun to shock him with stories of my wild escapades and photos of whomever I'm seeing now. He always wants to hear one but then is usually a little uncomfortable when I tell one. So one day I thought I would really floor him with one of my tales of threesomes [I've done a few now]. I told him about one and expected to get the usual gasp or glaring stare, but he just stood there looking at me like he still waiting to hear more. So I asked, Doesn't that doesn't seem pretty wild to you; having two women at once? It sure was for me! He just rolled his eyes and laughed. "Back home, I have three wives".

 

Navigating the sugar baby world is a tricky business. Firstly, I would bet that as much as 2/3 of the women are not what they say. Often they look nothing like the photos posted or they aren't the person in the photos, which is common with dating as well. There are a lot of escorts posing as sugar babies so that is a constant hazard - the key being an hourly rate. I have had women not show up and reschedule with some convoluted excuse, and then not show up again. Depending on the site, you can end up being bated by teenagers posing sugar babies [women can often post for free]. I think that has happened to me once. And there are women who apparently can't get a date, who post false photos, all with the intent of getting an expensive dinner. The dead giveaway is when they insist on you going all out on the first date. Rule Number 1: Always always always start with a coffee date. No exceptions ever ever ever. I had to get burned several times before it sank in.

One woman showed up and was about 200 pounds heavier than the person in her photos - probably over 300 pounds. I think she had used her sister's photos. I felt sorry for her so I decided to be nice. She had all but insisted on a really nice dinner for starters, to show "I'm serious", so we met at a nice restaurant. I almost left but said screw it and decided to stay. There was no way she was going to be my sugar baby but we could have a nice dinner, right? I decided to make the most of it and have a nice dinner. Maybe we'll have fun. She ordered an expensive dinner with dessert of course. She was rude and disinterested in spite of my best efforts. And as soon as she was done eating, she said thanks, got up and left!!! I could hardly believe it. This entire thing was a scam to get a nice meal? She didn't even try to be nice.

But the ringer was this woman who appeared from her photos to be very attractive. But when we met for coffee, eh, something wasn't right, I couldn't tell what it was but something was nagging at me. And she didn't look like her photos, but okay. Maybe we'll hit it off. She was wearing lots of makeup and jewelry, and clothing that was distinctly non-revealing. I remember the turtleneck sweater caught my attention first. It seemed out of place. But I couldn't figure out what was wrong with this picture. Finally she dropped the bombshell: She used to be a man. The really scary part was that I couldn't tell.

 

Well I haven't had sex for 14 years and I've not been measured up for a straitjacket yet!
I'm not gay (trust me) and simply never married or bothered much with women because I never wanted to be a family man or have noisy smelly kids, and I'm doing fine living alone and wouldn't have it any other way..

 

Not all men are the same. I've heard of men who never want sex even though hey're [allegedly] happily married. And I've read posts by a lot of men who didn't have anywhere near the drive that I do. This was quite a surprise to me, in fact. All of my buddies were always as horny as I was but apparently this isn't generally true. For those of us who have a strong drive, or perhaps just have a deep need for occasional sex, living without is pure hell. There are woman like this as well. Others can take it or leave it. And a lot of it depends on health as well. Obesity, heart disease, alcoholism and drug use are big killers of the sex drive. In you want to get horny, pump some weights. I am always horny after a workout.

I would add that it isn't just sex. It is human touch, caressing, just communing with another human being. We NEED human touch. You know, the night I started planning my own suicide it wasn't due to some traumatic event. It was the night I couldn't remember the last time I was hugged. That put me over the edge.

 

So are loud noisy women..
When the Women's Lib thing kicked in years go, it encouraged most women to be like that, and it turned me right off. Women should be sweet, caring, gentle creatures oozing femininity and not behave like hairy truckers. The good book gets it right-
"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31)

 

I'd start putting bromide in my morning coffee if I were you because you obviously have a 'death by bonking' wish!

 

I think any reasonable reading of what I've said here shows just the opposite. In more ways than one, for some of us at least, sex is life.

 

I haven't met any loud and noisy women, but I have run into control issues. Generally speaking, one advantage of the sb relationship is that the woman is not judging the man as a potential husband, at least not typically though some are looking for husbands. All that matters is that the relationship works now. The burden of today depending on tomorrow evaporates. And it is far easier to overlook issues that might be problems over the long term.

I have had a couple of women go a bit control freak on me but it taught me something useful. I had seen one young lady for a few weeks. One night we went out to dinner, after which, she was angry. She started accusing me of flirting with the waitress. I really had no idea what she was talking about but the more I indicated such, the angrier she got. It didn't take long to see that she had some serious control issues and this wasn't going to work. I could understand he misreading my intentions, but her hostility and refusal to listen to my explanation was a deal breaker.

As it turns out, my outgoing and friendly nature, my sense of humor, and the way I interact with women generally, comes off as flirting. I really didn't know that. So I learned to ramp that up which helped in meeting and wooing new women. Get them laughing and you are half way home. And I am really good at putting a big smile on a woman's face. This has been the most valuable thing I've learned in this regard.

Something else about that one. She was black. When we went out, I was treated differently than I am with I am when out with a white woman. It wasn't long before I started feeling like I was black. I wasn't going to allow that to affect our relationship but it was striking. Sometimes people were downright hostile.

 

You're lucky mate, all I seem to meet are an oddball assortment of divorced nuts and sluts, slags and bags without a shred of sense of humour, no wonder their hubs got rid of them..

 

Maybe this kind of stuff is more appropriate for a dating site. Lol.

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I don't know, but for someone to go on these many many pages about their personal sexual escapades kind of seems like they are trying to justify something to themselves.

 

When someone only posts to take shots it speaks all too clearly as to intent.

Also, I have hardly talked about my sexual escapades. I have mainly talked about how the dramatic lifestyle changes affected my life and how it all works. A fair bit of it is a love story. If you want to get into my sexual escapades... it would be a novel..,

 

I'm not taking shots. This is a public forum you are posting in, so you should be prepared for all kinds of comments. Anyhow, I'm just saying, what's the point?

 

Did you find yourself humming 'Swanee River' and 'Camptown Races' mate?

 

I suspect that most of us believe it's a part of life, but in your case it seems to be all-consuming. As a matter of fact I'm still not fully convinced that you're not fantasising. (sorry about the double negative!).

 

[video=youtube;io9OAxcfsz0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io9OAxcfsz0[/video]

 

I am hoping that the stock for the company that makes the Japanese sex robots goes public.

 

I am telling the story of how I saved my own life. That you ignore this shows me your true intent. And what became all consuming was my love, not sex. Again, that you ignore this is revealing. I just hope men who are on the edge like I was ignore people like you who try to detract from the message, I would guess out of jealousy. If you think I could have made this all up you have a better imagination than I do.

Have I had an amazing, wild ride? No doubt about it! But it requires a choice - a choice to live.

Some people have already given up. I am reaching out to those who haven't but are close.