My Second Life and other Secrets

You can always just be their F-Boy. Saves money on all the flowers and braces for their children's teeth.

 

It is how I saved my life. I don't know how much more of a point I need to make!

I have met or corresponded with or read about a lot of men like me; who are where I was five years ago. If you had taken the time to read what I said instead of misrepresenting it, apparently by guessing about what I said, it would be a good start. You can lower the bar and be a part of the problem with public forums, or you can actually read what I posted and made a contribution that has value. In my experience, women often just take snipes because they find the story disturbing. I've been through this many times with my sister. I know how a lot of women feel. But you can learn from my experiences if you choose.

Speaking of women, one funny note. There are only two people who know all about what I've been doing since this started - a best friend, and the woman who cuts my hair. She has been a huge supporter of mine and we've gotten very close as friends. She knows about all the women and many of my adventures. She gets a huge charge out of it. And she was sure number one couldn't leave me. She always thought it would work out. She was so sweet that way. Recall also that for two years, my stripper friend was my barber.

I guess it's mostly true what they say, only your hairdresser knows for sure!

 

The ones I seem to meet have got no interest in sex at all, they just want some poor slob to wine and dine them and take them to cinema/theatre/dancing (yawn)..

 

If you want sex but not a relationship... that's why god made escorts [where legal of course]. There are plenty of hookup sites as well. Just put yourself out there, expect lots of rejections, be fearless and relentless. Explore all of the hookup sites and learn the ropes. Not all women are looking for traditional relationships. There are plenty of women just looking for a FWB type of arrangement.

I once tried to quantify the sugar baby density locally. I found that for just one site of about five, at any given moment, there was about 1 sugar baby looking for a sugar daddy, per square mile.

 

Not all the women are necessarily women either, but pretty much. There are some women who have insatiable appetites in the sack who don't want to see you once she rolls over.

 

There must be something wrong with me because I want a friendly meaningful relationship, I could never do one night stands..
For example I dated June some years ago and she dragged me into bed on only our second date but I hated it. I gave it my best shot but it was like trying to make love to a sack of potatoes and I flopped. I tried explaining to her that I wanted to get to know her as a friend first which could take weeks or months.
But she was too impatient, we went out together for another 5 weeks but in the end she said "Huh, I like men with a bit of life in 'em", and we drifted apart.
I was too much of a gentleman to tell her she was lousy in bed, it was like trying to make love to a corpse..

 

When I am looking for someone new, it takes a great deal of work. After number one left, I would generally put in up to 8 hours a night trying to find someone new. On the average, if I contact 100 women, I get about 20 responses that lead to a coffee date, with perhaps half leading to a second date. From there, two or three might lead to more.

I use an Excel sheet to keep track of everyone - online name, real name, location, job, interests, what she is looking for, my initial impression, incidentals like kids or no kids, expressed interests or limits, and always a photo. It is a numbers game and it helps to treat it as such. The nature of online cold contacts means you have to cover a lot of ground to find that diamond in the rough. If you expect to get results any time soon, it is a full time job. Friends of mine who often give me a bad time and act jealous, and are in fact frustrated, don't put in anywhere near as much effort as I do.

Also, I try to get past the online part as fast as possible. Nothing beats face to face contact to know if you have good chemistry or not. I have wasted a lot of time where things seemed to work online, but when we met it was a big no go. So I try to get to the coffee date as fast as possible, and always explain why. Most women seem to understand the reasoning. If the profiles are a good match and you are both interested, there really isn't a lot more that online discussions can do. It is just too limiting.

 

And you can't just sling sht at the wall. You have to take the time to read their profiles. Apparently a lot of men play the numbers but fail to personalize it. Women often know when it's a drive-by hit. Some will even put a test in their profile, like say something about rainbows so I know you actually read my profile. And you obviously want to pursue women who actually interest you. So for me, contacting 100 women, at say up to 30 minutes per profile and a thoughtful response, means 3000 minutes, or about 50 hours. Twenty coffee dates is at least another 40-60 hrs of your time. Not to mention up to $400 in coffee! Ten dates is another 60 hours or so and another $1000. So by the time I should hope to have found a couple of favorites that lead to at least a third date, I probably have 160 hours and $1400 into the effort. It took me five times that to find the woman I am seeing now - the first to really rock my boat since number one left. me. So it took something close to 800 hours of effort. That is 20 work weeks at a full time job. But I have also gotten very good at this. In the beginning I was like a babe lost in the woods. It is a big crazy world out there.

 

Yes but you've been 'reaching out' (and at some length!) for 16 pages and it just comes across as a bit OTT to me. Not to worry. Didn't mean to upset you.

 

It sounds as if you are dependent upon others to bring you "happiness." What is the difference with what you are doing from hiring prostitutes?

 

It sure sounds like you put a LOT of effort into this little past time of yours. A spreadsheet? Really? OMG.

What are you going to do when you are too old to get yourself any "sugar babies" (God I feel stupid just saying that - LOL)? Then you will be alone because you have been shallow this whole entire time.

 

He'll still have his shallow memories in his loneliness though. Ah well, it takes all sorts.

 

This time of year I am always taken back to the first Christmas with number one. She did one of the most amazing things anyone has ever done for me. She came in and told me to sit down. She went in the bedroom and put on a nasty little elf outfit she'd purchased, and then put on this song. She proceeded to do this incredibly sexy and sensuous dance routine she had put together for the song. It was soooo cool. It was so honest. It was funny. It was endearing. It was one of the neatest things anyone had ever done for me. I sat there trying to be all cool but I was about to lose it the whole time. Little did I know I was just beginning to live the best time of my life.
[video=youtube;g7T0IK99ELs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7T0IK99ELs&list=RDg7T0IK99ELs[/video]

 

Sigh, I am struggling a bit with the woman I am seeing now - number 12. [I don't mean to be impersonal but it's easiest if I use numbers to keep them all straight]. She definitely captured my heart. But I don't think she is connecting in the way that I had hoped. She is quite young. She's only 20. My age filter was accidently reset and I thought she was older at first. But she is quite mature for her age so I decided to move ahead. It is a bit confusing because we have a blast in bed and the pillow talk is awesome. But outside of the bedroom it doesn't seem to work as well. I often suspect she isn't open to the kind of personal connection I want. Or maybe we just don't click as much out of bed. That happens. I've had just the opposite as well. I really clicked with one woman right until we got in bed. Then it was like a wall went up for both of us. It was the worst sexual chemistry I've ever encountered. It was surprising to say the least because we had such a nice time during our lunch and dinner dates. Anyway, I keep wondering if this is going to work after all. I definitely want a companion, not just a f buddy. But then I think, as a f buddy it is pretty damned good! It drives my friend nuts because he can't understand why I struggle. He thinks I have it pretty good. But if I just wanted a f buddy I could hire an escort. It takes a lot of work to find a rewarding sugar relationship.

Writing this thread has brought up a lot of emotions. And then yesterday I was out of town and drove by the hotel number one and I often used. When push comes to shove I am still struggling to let go. I still miss her every day. After sleeping with and dating a dozen other women [actually a few more than that that I only saw once] , she is still the one I think about every day. I'm not sure this broken heart will ever completely mend.

 

One of the most surprising aspects of the sugar and escort worlds was how the dynamic is typically the opposite of the stereotype. Because of the history of prostitution and pimps, and abusive johns, the perception is typically that the men have the power. But that is the underbelly of the sex world. In the normal world, the women have the power. The fact is that a lot of us men are total saps. Men fall in love with their escorts all the time. I knew one guy who was spending a fortune on escorts - maybe $250,000 a year. He honestly believed they all loved him... until they dumped him and he went on to the next. I watched him go through this pattern for several years.

All we want is to be loved by a goddess half our age. Is that really so much to ask?

 

My way of thinking - and from experience too as a matter of fact - is that apart from sex, the male and the female of our species are incompatible, so when inevitably the physicality wanes, if there's anything left then it should be treasured beyond all else, because it's so very rare.

 

It's a numbers game. If you expect to correspond with 20 or 30 women at a time, it's the only way to keep up.

I was a loyal and loving husband for 25 years and I ended up alone; in fact not just alone but left to die so she could collect the insurance. And doing what makes me happy isn't shallow. That is sexist. If I meet an older woman who makes me happy, fine. So far I haven't met anyone who interests me. But a beautiful young woman in my arms makes me as happy as I can be.

Why do you feel the need to judge? [That is rhetorical because I know the answer. If you don't just ask]

As for being too old, back to rule number one: Live in the moment because that's all you really have. Don't sacrifice happiness today for a future that may not even exist.

You know, there is one woman who has known me for a few years but only a few weeks ago did I disclose the entire nature of my dating life. She is about 40 and fairly conservative. I could see that she was somewhat offended by the idea of me seeing women in their twenties. With a bit of a terse look and a tone she said, well enjoy it while it lasts. This was intended as a bit of a slight. But she's right and I said so, which set her back. All we can ever do is enjoy something while it lasts. Nothing lasts forever whether your married or not. Beyond that, I know of men in their 70s, and even one in his early 80s who have very active sex lives with escorts. So if my health holds out, my health largely being a byproduct of my happiness, I could have many good years ahead. If it ends tomorrow, at least I won't regret missing the good years I had left.

There was a CNN special about the sugar world. They were interviewing one man, about 70, a very young 70 at that, who had been with the same sugar baby for over 15 years. At one point he looked at the camera and said, "It keeps you young. It REALLY does". And he's right!!! As I like to say, I am ten years younger than I was ten years ago. It is the closest thing to the fountain of youth that you'll find for a man. It drives you to eat well, exercise, take care of yourself, fight the aging process at every step. and it makes you want to get up tomorrow.

It was also fun to watch he and his sb interact. They laughed a lot. They clearly love each other.

 

There is a difference between the love of beauty and objectification. I loved everything about number one. I loved her spirit and daring, her tenacity, her kind, caring, and gentle nature, I loved her humanity and concern for others. I loved her laugh and the sound of her voice. I loved her idealism and sense of adventure. But on top of all that, I could sit and just adore her and get drunk on her beauty. Just looking at her filled me with joy. This is not any more shallow than being awestruck by a beautiful sunrise, or being reduced to tears by a classic piece of music. They're all one in the same. For our deep and profound love of beauty we are judged to be shallow.

 

I've been in a dating site for years and my usual tactic is to judge a woman's character and personality by her photo, namely her clothes and shoes, hairstyle, makeup, facial expression and body language, and nonsmokers only, then if I think she might be on my wavelength I drop her a line.
But if she then talks brainless drivel in our online chat, I know we're not suited so I end it there without suggesting a meeting.
As yet I haven't met anyone because they just don't shape up, so maybe I should try different dating sites, haha..

PS- I sometimes ask local women out face to face, usually shop workers, but they often turn out to be wacko; for example Barbara always used to dress dowdy and oldfashioned, and wore hideous flat shoes, so I bought her a pair of sexy high heels but she refused to wear them, so for the rest of our date at my flat I never spoke another word to her and just sat reading the paper as if she wasn't there until she said "I think I'd better be getting back home now". So I walked her back to her bus stop in complete silence and thought "good riddance" as the bus pulled away.
I'd planned to buy her a Wonder Woman outfit later but I don't think she'd have appreciated it..

 

This thread testifies to your ignorance of what that means.

To be sure. Unfortunately, you only acknowledge it on the most superficial level, and that only to justify your misanthropic behavior.

 

I think it is a mistake to judge too much by online discussions. It is too limiting. I've seen it go both ways. It didn't seem promising until we met in person. Or it seemed great until we met. I've had fantastic online chemistry but didn't get along at all when we met. That's why I think coffee dates are the way to go. It is cheap, you can make an easy exit, and it gives you a chance to see if you have good chemistry. IMO, one hour for coffee is worth a month of emails or texting.

It was strange when I started hitting the same Starbucks for the 3rd or 4th or 5th time. People started recognizing me and I was always in with a different young lady.

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I got up and walked out on one woman during dinner. I did pay but I had to get out of there before I got really pissed. She started going off about feminism. This was one of my first dates after my wife and I split and I was in NO mood to hear it. Even now I have little tolerance. If you don't want me to talk about how evil my ex wife is, and how generations of men have taken it in the shorts, don't talk to me about feminism.

 

One interesting ramification of the sugar and escort worlds being so common now is that fathers are complaining. They can't take their adult daughter out without getting funny looks. A lot of people are dialed in now and this is especially true of young women. They almost always get it and know what's going on. I get a lot of winks and nods.

One time number one and I had gotten a nice room and were just heading up in the elevator. This other woman about early 30s got on at the last moment. She kept looking at us and smiling and was laughing at our banter. Then as we went to get off, she gave me a symbolic high five and mouthed a silent WOW! Too funny!!!

The sad thing is that some men are so gullible that they think they're fooling people. And this is a clear line in the sand in the sugar world. Men like me just want to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman. Other men are in it for ego and want eye candy to impress people when they go out. Likewise, some sbs [and escorts] are looking to be eye candy, and others are looking for a real connection. Others are really escorts just putting in their time.

 

Melania Trump is now touted as the most successful escort [or sugar baby] in history. My new sb was telling me she is the talk of the town on the sb and escort sites.

 

You must make a lot of money to be able to afford so many prostitutes. That's what they are, right? Whether they call themselves "sugar babies" or "escorts", you are paying them for their "time", which you wouldn't do, if they weren't willing to have sex during that time.

 

Sounds like you are very involved with yourself and your own short-term happiness.

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Good point. I'm sure he wouldn't be so pleased to just "look at their beauty" if they weren't giving it up!