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Tasteless Humor

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Jul 19, 2014.

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  1. cerberus

    cerberus Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Reminds me . . . bloke opens a new laundry and calls at the local convent to ask if the nuns have any dirty habits.:blankstare:
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2018
    cerberus, Aug 9, 2018
    #1601
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  2. Mr_Truth

    Mr_Truth Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]



    Touche'!!
     
    Mr_Truth, Aug 9, 2018
    #1602
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  3. Robert

    Robert Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    As we get older, we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.



    [​IMG]

    Harold Schlumberg is such a Person....
    QUOTE FROM HAROLD: "I've often been asked,...'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

    Well, I stay active and happy. I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer and scotch into urine. Then I take a jog out to the shed and piss on a picture of Obama. I do this several times every day. I really enjoy it and get my exercise too!"

    Harold is an inspiration to all of us!!
     
    Robert, Aug 9, 2018
    #1603
  4. Mr_Truth

    Mr_Truth Well-Known Member

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    here's a better inspiration:



    [​IMG]
     
    Mr_Truth, Aug 9, 2018
    #1604
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  5. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    @Mr_Truth , they're all the same, they rob the system. It's just that some believe Obama was fantastic. He's sat at home sitting on millions robbed off the taxpayer laughing his head off. One day you will realise that.
     
    Nonnie, Aug 9, 2018
    #1605
  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    You're British, right?
    Mind your own business.

    What's with all the Brits who think they have a clue about our country?
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2018
    HereWeGoAgain, Aug 9, 2018
    #1606
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  7. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Sorry, didn't realise you were nominated Mr Truth's spokesperson !! Lol
     
    Nonnie, Aug 9, 2018
    #1607
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  8. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    1. A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says, 'I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband.'

      The man at the desk says, 'OK, how much money dae ye have?'

      The old woman replies, '£5' to which the man says, 'Ye won't get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok.'
      So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter.
      The man reads 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid.' He feels sad at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things, saying, 'I think we cud allow 3 or 4 more words fer ye money.'

      The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads - 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid. Ford Escort for sale.'
     
    Sallyally, Aug 9, 2018
    #1608
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  9. Mr_Truth

    Mr_Truth Well-Known Member

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    I know the USA a lot better than you do and do not need any advice as to how to think about our politics, even if your ideas are well intended. Perhaps you may want to direct your criticism towards your own government especially as to the deeds of that wicked witch Thatcher and Bush's dupe Blair.
     
    Mr_Truth, Aug 9, 2018
    #1609
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  10. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    We're actually Russian's ;)

    And no we're having too much fun.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 9, 2018
    #1610
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  11. Moi621

    Moi621 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    ​
     
    Moi621, Aug 10, 2018
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  12. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Day'um ya'll got enough tounge for ten rows'a teeth boi....you sure does take a lot of awl.... now then boi, y'all leave yer paws off'n our Maggiw ya ignert tool.....

    ....was the vernacular accurate - going for the southern redneck drawl... :):hiding:
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
    The Scotsman, Aug 10, 2018
    #1612
  13. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Don't worry, we get plenty of Americans giving expert advice on UK politics and the Monarchy. Works both ways ;)
     
    Nonnie, Aug 10, 2018
    #1613
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  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Is that why you don't understand 50% of the population at all lol.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 10, 2018
    #1614
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  15. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I'm not..........comrade ;)

    Lol
     
    Nonnie, Aug 10, 2018
    #1615
  16. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    54464cd6f81f50d3c0304a7fb00f88af.jpg
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 10, 2018
    #1616
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  17. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    One of the best jokes and observations in this thread so far!
     
    Nonnie, Aug 10, 2018
    #1617
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  18. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Igor....shoot hym
     
    The Scotsman, Aug 10, 2018
    #1618
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  19. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Russia_Poop_Collusion.jpg
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 10, 2018
    #1619
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  20. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    NEWS JUST IN

    X-rays have proven that Obama 'does' actually have a spine!
     
    Nonnie, Aug 10, 2018
    #1620
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  21. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Not having a go at you The Scotsman but it's funny.
    It could be a Yorkshireman instead.
    Funny Scottish One-liner

    At an art auction in Edinburgh, Scotland, a wealthy American lost his wallet containing £20,000 [$45,000]. He announced to the gathering that that he would give a reward of £200 to the person who found it.

    From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, 'I'll give £250.'
     
    Sallyally, Aug 10, 2018
    #1621
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  22. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    BREAKING NEWS
    Nobody actually gives a turd about Obama’s birth certificate.
     
    The Scotsman, Aug 10, 2018
    #1622
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  23. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Well, never pass up a chance for a bargin ;)
     
    The Scotsman, Aug 10, 2018
    #1623
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

    GEORGE W. BUSH
    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

    AL GORE
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
    greater services to the American people.

    RALPH NADER
    The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

    PAT BUCHANAN
    To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

    RUSH LIMBAUGH
    I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
    crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

    MARTHA STEWART
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    JERRY FALWELL
    Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

    DR. SEUSS
    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
    But why it crossed, I've not been told!

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY
    To die. In the rain. Alone.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    JOHN LENNON
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    ARISTOTLE
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX
    It was a historical inevitability.

    RONALD REAGAN
    What chicken?

    CAPTAIN KIRK
    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    BARBARA WALTERS
    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

    SADDAM HUSSEIN
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    VOLTAIRE
    I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


    FOX MULDER
    You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    SIGMUND FREUD
    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES
    I have just released eChicken 2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

    THE BIBLE
    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS
    I missed one?
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 10, 2018
    #1624
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  25. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    ..and extolling the intellectual prowess of Tommy Robinson....that shining beacon carrying the tarnished torch of British freedom....
    What is it with Republican Americans and that brainfuzzed monger Tommy Robinson....don't they get it that he's just some cupid stunt suffering from verbal diarrhea
     
    The Scotsman, Aug 10, 2018
    #1625
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