Politics. How to better communicate tough topics.

Are you like me, tired of the predictable venomous back and forth of the political left and right? If so please join me in examining more effective ways to communicate controversial issues with those that you may disagree with.

I have found that the art of productive communication is counterintuitive and incredibly complex. I have spent some time studying the art of communicating with difficult people in tough situations. Here is what I have learned so far. Please read and add your own tips and lessons as I would love to absorbs your knowledge on the topic of effective communication.

Some of the lessons I have thus far learned.

1) Respect is mandatory! Without it any dialogue is futile.

This is incredibly tough for me because when I hear something that sounds stupid I immediately question the intelligence of the person. This is wrong of me. I certainly don’t appreciate it when others look down their nose at me. To be treated with respect one must first earn it. Insulting peoples intelligence hinders that process. In the theater of life we all have our time playing the part of the fool. Those that think otherwise are ignorant of their nature. Keeping in mind my foolish moments helps me to be more tolerant of it in others.

2) To have any chance at influencing a mind to open, save the facts for later. Lead with connecting as humans. Search for commonality such as the emotional connection of shared experiences. Research shows that facts that refute a cherished conclusion are likely to strengthen the conclusion as opposed to loosening one’s grip on it. In psychology this is known as the backfire effect. Earning a measure of respect from another reduces the likelihood of the backfire effect happening once the discussion becomes more serious.

As respect is an important part in resolving ideological differences I am working on ways to earn respect. Perhaps you all can help me with this. How do you earn the respect of difficult people?

Things I do to try to win respect.

Pointing out when the other person is right. Giving a thumbs up to an good argument of a difficult person can over time decrease their hostility towards me and make them more receptive to my point of view. Being quick to admit when I am wrong. Quickly apologizing when I am short with someone. The list is likely quite long so please add too it.

The topic of fostering healthier and more effective communication is a dense subject that we can only scratch the surface of here. I earnestly seek to be better at it as I have long ago tired of the ineffective and destructive predictable partisan bickering. Let’s explore how to at least not further fan the flames as they are already hot enough.

 

Recommend books on the subject.

Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes
by Ian Leslie
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/49203375-conflicted

Think Again by Adam Grant
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55539565-think-again?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=U5N6CEnHYE&rank=1

 

Those are all wonderful sentiments. And I support each one. But alas those were lost with the power of human interaction. Face to face.
They day of the internet has replaced those attributes with cheap imitations.
Unfortunately, that dialog is used mostly in family discussion when providing advice to a loved one that you know will disagree up front.

Knowing your fellow man, shaking his hand, and sitting down over a cup of coffee use to be the norm before the internet. Now its devolved into quips and comebacks. Keyboard warriors will type something they know they will never have to defend face to face.

Most likely why in high schools back in the 70s, teachers used to allow students to fight it out as it taught life lessons. Those who you fought with usually became some of your best friends and you learned how to communicate appropriately and respectfully.

We all lost a great deal of that through artificial interactions.

 

You make some great points. The internet has certainly been as much a hinderance to humanity as it is a boon… if not more. Yet it is here to stay so I believe that it is in our best interest to try to learn ways to better communicate with partisans on both sides of the aisle. Perhaps it is just me, but I have met some people on the internet that are very good at having difficult discussions with difficult people. I am currently attempting to become one of them. Because it is that or simply go back to being the partisan bomb thrower I use to be. Been here since 2004, take a look at my posts from 2012 and you will see what an ass I have been in the past… assuming they still archive them.

Face to face discussions certainly do tend to make me more thoughtful of my words and considerate of how they may impact others. It is my belief that the same thoughtful considerations can be exercised here… in fact I am practicing it in this very response to you. Easy though as you have thus far been polite and respectful.

 

I will admit, that line made me laugh.
So I have had the same revelations about myself over past post. I am also guilty of the same and I have made efforts to be more respectful and try and turn a corner. It last a few days, But I fail every time lol.

But there again, I have made a few correspondents that because I exercised some grace, have become individuals that I don't attempt to be snarky with. And there are post that I look back on and say to myself, I didn't have to be like that. So now I have two categories of communication.

Those like yourself who are attempting to be honest and put their best foot forward to achieve a dialog, and those who can't be swayed by any means what so ever and are just here to to attack and belittle.

I will be honest here, I do find some pleasure in cornering those who continually falsify information for a political end. Yes, I take pleasure in that.
Whats wrong with me? lol

And as you know, its pretty rare to have any kind of dialog with opposing politics on a political board. Not impossible, but rare. As I will concede, making the effort as you are attempting will disarm a few to the point they will be more respectful and less challenging to your post.
But whats the fun in that? (Just kidding)

I could rattle off the ten posters off the top of my head that have convinced me that they only have one reason for being here at all. Not that I'm right, I just have my own conclusions based on their process of communication. So while it sounds like I might be making excuses to be snarky with some, being respectful and showing some kindness would most likely get something positive in return.

So I will be watching your post to see how things are going. Who knows. Maybe you prove me wrong with individuals that I will never believe will participate. I am always open to being wrong and I have made a few public apologies to a few posters I made wrong assumptions about.

Looking forward to more communications with you and to see how your thought process pans out. But don't expect to drag me up to your level without some kicking and screaming. lol

 

You made some good points and threw in a few admittances and showed me respect. I respect that. Yet I think that is the point of this thread. The way you and I treat one another influences how pleasant or painful our discussion will be. When going into a discussion or debate I try not to trigger the other with a careless remark… and sometimes I even succeed! I also try not to be so sensitive and easily triggered myself.


Pleasure derived from cornering an opponent is made sweeter if they have been cantankerous. Deriving pleasure from the experience is not necessary bad, but it can be depending upon the case. For example if I am able to lower another’s guard with civility, leading them to actually consider my words, they may come to conclude that I have a point and they may be wrong. I derive great pleasure in that. Otherwise debate can feel like slamming our heads against the wall repeatedly. But what if my pleasure is from being antagonistic and gaining pleasure from their discomfort? That is the bad habit I have had and am trying to break it. So far so good, but the night is young.

It is good talking to you. Beats the usual banter around here.

 

we elected a twitter troll in 2016 as President, not sure much will change

really the only way to do that is to remove anonymity from the internet

know who we are talking too, if they are Americans or not... ect....

 

Some great points and observations indeed.

We could certainly use more of this mentality here and I know I fall short of the mark frequently.

I guess sometimes I just think the snark is mildly entertaining.

But it is very true if you ever want someone to hear your message the last way they'll ever open their ears is if they're being talked down to.

Sometimes it seems like some of the most highly educated professionals forget that simple truth

 

The art of LISTENING is critical in communication. What is the person saying......not just the words.......... the tone, the inflection, the mood etc. Just like when one reads a post...... : What is the content......... and what is the tone ??


Is the tone reactive, angry, logical, warm , accepting, defensive .........etc etc.

Body language... Non verbal communication ..........all factor in too. as the can determine how one responds

eg: if one is angry..........defensive........ the response is not to react to that anger..(with more anger or defensiveness).........but try a calm approach to diffuse the anger.

 

Interesting idea on removing anonymity. I would though be concerned about unintended consequences that may arise such as stalking and other security concerns. But the insecure internet trolls will not like the spotlight. Yet some trolls are loud and proud making no attempt to hide their identity.

 

oh I agree, there is both good and bad to both

at the very least we need to have a sub network that only Americans can access

if we ever go ipv6, and every device has it's own ip, anonymity is pretty much gone anyways

 

the point is to communicate and discuss...........NOT to change people. Without being condescending, overly critical, , off putting, nasty etc. Being tactful is part of effective communication. Demonstrating one understands what the other person is saying........in an empathetic way.

 

Now, why do you want to suck the fun out it? /sarc

 

(Condor) Ooooohhhh Mom. do I have tooooo?????
(MiaBleu) Yes baby, Or I'm gonna snatch that ass. You understand me?
(Condor) Yes Mam
(MiaBleu) Now go over there and tell Billy what I told you
(Condor) But but Mom
(MiaBlue) I SAID NOW
(Condor) Yes mam
(MiaBlue) Thats a good boy. And when you get back, we gonna talk about that attitude some more

Thats what played in my head when I read your post. I got the word.

 

OT for a moment........but why would you want it to be only Americans?? Doe the rest of the world not matter even though it is and inter related and interactive wit the US?? Why isolate???

 

LOL..........It will pass

 

because many foreign countries are pretending to be American to manipulate the population

if one at least knew the people they were speaking too were not Americans, it would help in areas like politics

I have no issue with foreigners coming to talk on American boards, we should just know who they are - especially when they start arguing local issues

like it or not, it's a loophole foreign government now know can be abused, and I am sure the American government is doing it to other countries too

 

I communicate at work mostly via email. My boss, my subordinates, our clients... they're all incapable of reading more than about two sentences. If I go longer than two sentences, they start asking questions that were answered if they read more than two sentences. People just don't care to try to pay attention anymore. Its too hard or something...

 

Wanted to add my thoughts on the “not to change people” comment. I agree that we cannot change people. Yet if we build trust and respect with another they will be more open to our influence. We tend to place more consideration upon the words of those we like.

 

I have been guilty of this so many times. A failing I am trying to rectify. Recently I have been trying to discipline myself by only responding to another after fully reading what they have said. Seems like a no brainer but guess in the past I have been intellectually lazy. Again something I am trying to rectify.

 

As much as I respect your noble intentions it is a Quixotic endeavor. Most threads don't even stay on topic let alone allow for "connecting as humans." But I share your sense of futility. It's incredibly frustrating to see the same lies being posted day after day after they've been beaten to a pulp. The Following, for example, clings to the lies about what the Russia investigation revealed as if their lives depended on it. No degree of interpersonal relationship will change that.

 

Your point is well taken, but it depends entirely on the context. I would not and should not respect men who are trying to burn down my house, rob me of my belongings and rape my wife and daughter. Nor would I have one iota of desire to discuss it with them rationally. In some cases (political too) compromise, respect, and bipartisanship are highly over-rated. I do not and will not respect anyone who is trying to take away my inalienable rights, destroy my country, take my property and way of making a living, and make me conform to their way of thinking, no matter how hot it gets.

 

I agree. I no longer spend much time debating the close minded. I weed them out in an effort to find the reasonable and open minded. Yet I have also found that my approach has an influence on how I will be responded to. So I try not to give a closed mind a reason to remain closed due to careless words that come from me.

 

Perhaps those you see as trying to take away your rights, destroy your country, trying to take your property and way of making a living see you as doing the same to them. When I listen to the left and right from the center it seems that way to me. Both sides claim to be the victim which then justifies their animosity towards the other. Both sides are contextually victim and perpetrator depending upon one’s POV.

If we fail to find ways to talk in civil and reasonable ways then the only thing left is a dark road filled with suffering and disperse for all.

 

Both sides in any dispute always claim they are the victim. However, in reality there are many cases where one side is the actual victim and the other side is not at all a victim.