"Americanisms" that Brits hate

I actually encountered one of these yanks before

 

In our Southern States, they are as ubiquitous as mosquitoes.

 

Correct. I have a cousin who now lives in Florida. I encountered these sort of yanks there.

 

Which ones?!

 

Touché, mon frère. Or as we say here in Amerindia, "Oh snap!"

 

Just because you know how to speak a languge doesn't mean you can tell the native speakers how to do it. I speak german it doesn't mean that I go around instructing germans on how to speak.

Looking at the poll most people think that "America is the new reality when it comes to the English Language" does that not stike you as an extreamly ignorant comment.

 

Before you get too bent out of shape, take note of the subforum that this thread is in.

 

Get being an irregular verb, the past simple form of get is got, the past participle form of get is gotten but got as the past participle of get is slowly becoming more and more acceptable.

 

Why is it ignorant? It is true. The comment might be arrogant, but it is not ignorant. America is the standard now.

LOL "priv-acy"...There they go again, fruit-ing up words. You people just cant help yourselves. You will not be satisfied until your language surpasses French as the gayest language on Earth.

 

So quit your bickering then lol. Americans natively speak English too, and we do things differently, and if that puts your panties (oh sorry...knickers in a twist) too d a m n bad. haha

Leo I enjoyed your postings, no hard feelings.

 

Lifting her bonnet sounds more provocative to me.

 

Oh, have a sense of Humour.

 

Them there dab gum fruity british accents! Y'all sound like sumwun done went an shoved a corncob so far up yer ass ya livin in a constant state a consternation (you, know - when ya can't take a dump!)

 

Yup, I "fink" so too !

You should hear how they talk over here, not a pretty picture,at all,

for starters:

MANY OF THEM ARE TOTALLY UNABLE TO MAKE THE "TH" SOUND,

SO THEY SAY "F" INSTEAD,

ALSO UNABLE TO MAKE THE "T" SOUND, SO THEY SAY "F" AS WELL

.....so stop putting down Americans all the time,

they speak better than most of the Brits do !

 

I say, old bean! That's very rude.

 

You posh knob!

 

The American Standard is the new prestige dialect. I just read an article in an Australian newspaper about how the children down under are now mimicking the standard American accent by placing the stress on the first syllable.

RP, along with antiquated "Britishisms," are a thing of the past. The language is ours now. And thank god. If I had to listen to things described as "bloody" or "jolly" or any of the other myriad of miserable, outdated phrases I would go veritably insane.

 

Are you seriously suggesting that Americans are not native English speakers?

 

Nonsense. It is as much ours to use as it is yours, as we are native speakers. As such, we will mold the language as we desire and deem fit -- that, in fact, is our prerogative as the premier world power and the largest group of native English speakers on this earth.

 

To the citizens of the United States of America...

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'). You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2013. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "(*)(*)(*)(*)". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2013) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $8/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

 

Yes, I've seen this before. Certainly a humorous little writeup.

 

That would require a military. Let us know when you have a real one.

So come get them. (How did that turn out for you last time btw?)

It already does. But only in words where a 'u' belongs. There is no 'u' sound (long or short) in the word "Armor"...that is why it does not have a 'u'.

It isnt for me. English accents sound far gayer.

We do, but only until about 6th grade. Then we switch to grown up football.

Um, yeah, thats why we dont call them chips.

Of course I am...is that in South America around Brazil or something?

Yet another example of the Brits taking a common word and making it as faggy as possible. How does your population reproduce with so many homosexuals? Do you get a lot of immigrants or something?

 

That's not true. The NFL played a game in London last year (and the year before that) to appease all the British fans in the country. Football is getting popular in Britain. :-/

 

Football has been popular in Britain (and the rest of the world) since we invented it. The bastard progeny of rugby played in the NFL is shown in a "demonstration" match in London to a couple of hundred Britons with free tickets and nothing better to do.

 

Well the NFL runs on money, and an awful lot of it, so you can't say it was shown to Britons with nothing else to do. The fact that they are going back means they made money and saw a market. The fact is the British are increasingly fascinated with football as much as the Americans are slowing getting into global soccer.

Yeah I said soccer. It sounds better. Who cares. At the end of the day it's still the same sport. The fact that the Brits know the difference and still nit pick over this trivial point is lame. It's not going to change, due to other popular sports it CANT change, so why bother wasting time whining over different terms?