I'm sort of an extrovert trapped inside an introvert. I lost basically all of my friends in my early teens and was sheltered growing up. I still don't have many friends, but I don't have a problem starting conversations or talking to other people, even strangers, although I never go out of my way to do so. I think that's mostly because I don't have any problem speaking publicly in front of large crowds. My interests and opinions are a bit unusual though (well mostly my interests), so that's part of why I mostly keep to myself.
Yes I agree gossip is tedious, however what puts me to sleep even more than gossip is when someone starts about the latest reality tv show... zzzzzzz
Or football. My barber says he looks forward to me coming in 'cos I'm literally his only customer who doesn't talk it.
The same woman has been cutting (what's left of) my hair for 25 years or so. She used to have a shop in her home and had a mixed clientele although mostly women and more recently built a new home without a shop but continued to do hair but cut back on the number of customers by weeding out the pain in the asses. A few months ago I found out from a former client that she stopped doing hair a year ago which surprised me because she had cut my hair last week. The next appointment I asked her if it was true that she stopped doing hair, she said: yes and other than family, I was her only paying customer. I asked why and she said: because you're so upbeat and entertaining and make me and the family laugh. I guess that's good?
Small talk is a way of 'breaking the ice' for some. Frankly, I usually have a hard time with it and end up with an uncomfortable silence.
Likewise with me - I simply cannot make small talk; I actually dread running into one of my neighbours when going in and out of this apartment building; if they do catch me out I end up a tongue-tied babbling idiot. I often wonder if I'm borderllne Asperger's?
I'm the archetypal loner (might've said that here before, but hey-ho), and unwanted circumstances (very unwanted!!) have given me independence after many years of not having it. I'm sociable (if I have to be! ) but I'm certainly not gregarious. Also, outside of my immediate family I only have one true friend: but that's okay, because I'd rather have one true friend than a hundred acquaintances.
Yeah...If you get stuck like that....Ask them how they are doing.....It will give you some time to respond...and make them think you actually give a sh*t. Good luck.
You have no idea how close you've come to one of my pet 'hates' - this modern-day habit of total strangers beginning a conversation with 'Hello, how are you?' or worse - much worse - 'Hello, how are you?'
I was talking about your acquaintances not strangers. But I hear ya.....I hate the term 'reach out' instead of 'called' or 'contacted'.....
Nowadays I'm pretty anti social, it likely stems from both past experiences and just getting older. Part of it is circumstantial. I'm a bit of an anomaly in my age group. Almost every single one of my co workers who make up most of my friends have families, I do not. So during weekends and holidays and whatnot they obviously spend their time with their families. I'll get invited to their homes or family functions on occasion but more often than not I tend to decline simply because I don't really feel comfortable with that sort of situation. We don't get a lot of time off in my line of work and we tend to miss quite a few holidays so the ones that we are home for are pretty special. I know that people are just trying to be nice and be "good friends" by inviting me over to spend a holiday with them or something but I am a realist and I understand fully that they are probably offering because it's the right thing to do as a friend but secretly hoping I've already found something else to do. Which is perfectly fine to me. I honestly hate the mere fact that I inadvertently put my friends in those awkward situations. Like I said we don't get a lot of time off and we miss a lot of holidays. When we do get to be home for holidays I fully understand that the last thing someone's family wants is for some guy to hanging around when they are trying to spend some rare quality time together. I guess what I hate the most is the fact that people feel bad for me or something or that they are obligated to hang out with me because we're friends. The holiday season is always the worst because that's when people tend to feel the worst for people like me for some reason. For example at work last night we were all talking about upcoming Christmas plans and stuff. Everybody talking about what they are getting their kids and wives and stuff then they stop and ask me "Hey man, what are you going to do for Christmas?" I'm like I dunno, I haven't really thought that far ahead yet...Probably just chill at home..... Bad mistake....Incoming.... "All by yourself? It's the holidays, that's so sad, you can't do that..." I'm sitting here thinking why not? I don't have a wife, or a girlfriend, or kids, and everything is closed on Christmas. What else am I supposed to do lol? Then I get the sorrow look from everybody and I can see the gears turning in people's heads thinking something like damn that really sucks for that guy but I haven't seen my family in a year and feel like I should invite him over because it would be nice but I really want to just spend time with my wife and kids...So then I'm stuck having to explain once again that I really am perfectly fine. I'm not going to suck start a pistol...I will likely indulge in copious amounts of whiskey, not because I am upset but because I will just be happy that I'm home lol. I hate lying so I don't but part of me thinks it would just be easier to start lying to people so that they don't get put in those weird situations anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a weird hermit or anything and I do enjoy company but like I said more often than not company just simply isn't available. I'm not going to just sit around my house all day so I go out and do things with or without others. If people want to go then they are more than welcome, if not then that's fine too. I tend to not invite people to go anymore simply because I know that most of them simply can't and when I ask it puts them in that weird awkward situation that I despise. Every time I invite somebody somewhere and they have already made plans they give me that sorrow look. I'm like it doesn't bother me...I was going to go anyway, if you would like to go then you are welcome, if you aren't going I was still going to go, it's perfectly fine... If I want to see a movie I'll go see a movie. If I want to go out to eat I'll go out to eat. If I want to take a weekend trip to Atlantic City then I'll book a trip. If people aren't busy and would like to go then come on, if not then I'm going anyway lol. That is a concept that just seems foreign to so many people nowadays.
Come over for Christmas. Not because I feel sorry for you. Its because you drink top shelf whiskey and you wont come empty handed.
Right, I get on great with everybody but have got NO friends at all because I prefer being a lone wolf and can't stand socialising. I've never been able to suffer fools gladly, and if anybody's not 100% on my wavelength I avoid them like the plague..- Associate yourself with men of good quality, if you esteem your own reputation; for tis better to be alone than in bad company- George Washington
Apols if I might have posted the following on another thread, but this is a good thread to post it on if I didn't: Last year my opposite neighbour invited me to her NY celebration party. I politely declined on the grounds that I never celebrate a new year, that I don't drink, '. . . and I don't think I could stay awake until midnight anyway!'
If this was the Religion section I'd post a truckload of bible quotes that tell us we should stay well away from people not on our wavelength because they have the same weakening effect on us that kryptonite has on superman.. For example- "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20) Rather, we should only hang with people who make us feel good- "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17) PS- a modern day prophet said-"If you hang around with losers you become a loser"- Donald Trump So it'll be interesting to see who the American people choose to hang with on election day, Don who'll make them all rich like him, or Hill..
I only use forums because I am trying to get the attention of the CIA ( key words - bomb, Obama, assassination, ummm ISIS ). The CIA is better off if I am with them than against them. I am seriously annoyed that they have not offered me a job yet. Why doesnt the CIA hook me up with a job working in the emerging alternate right media or something? That would be fine. I could help out Gavin McInnes or something like that. And yeah, I almost do not exist right now so I am pretty safe. The CIA can trust me.
Well, I guess I'm not an 'anti' just an 'a' (social that is). I'm alright being around people as long as there is something to be done other than just social interaction, and I enjoy talking to people about ideas. I don't even really dislike most people, I just understand that most people are completely egocentric and keep my expectations low. I try to focus on where people exceed my expectations and where I fall into the same category as I put them. I do well with social interaction at the initial level, I'm not anxious about saying hello, shaking hands, and basic introductions. But usually after that you'll get a qualifier question, and I fail most peoples and most people fail mine. I'm a fair hand at flirting with the opposite sex, but being married can make this um... problematic, so even that social outlet is useless these days. I'm can disengage from people without too much awkwardness, but at most purely social events I end up watching the clock. I enjoy time alone. Having two kids and a wife (who is much more outgoing than me) don't give me much of it. I wonder if some of the people being forced into unwanted social situation aren't victims of people like me who need someone to share in their misery. An invitation to a holiday dinner might be more selfish than you think.
I understand completely, one year Christmas I was overseas on my own, (had to work on the 27th of December so couldn't go home for Christmas)... eeeeveryone thought I must be sooo miserable because I'm on my own for Christmas then they ambushed me into attending one of the office ladies Christmas family function and then I really wanted to die Not everyone is miserable if they have to be on their own for Christmas, I sat through the most boring family function of a complete stranger all the time wishing they'd just let me go home so I can go and watch a movie or something lol Now it's all about the kids but if I were on my own I'd probably just spend the day relaxing