Do you believe an 18-19 year old should be able to support themselves?

Do you believe an 18-19 year old adult should be able to support themselves financially?
Or do you think that's still too young and they need continued support from their parents for a few more years?


(not talking about the parents paying for college here)

 

according to the left they are no longer adults.

 

I'm not really sure what your point is, what you mean by "should". Was this question triggered by something specific?

Clearly some 18/19 year olds have no choice but to try to support themselves. Some will be able to, some won't but then that goes for people of any age really. I'm sure most parents will look to help and support their adult children in various ways, regardless of how financially independent they might be and especially if a child is struggling, temporarily or long term. Again though, that isn't going to magically stop when the child passes 20.

 

Why would you assume cookie cutter? Some kids are working and saving money since 16 and some seniors have yet to build a work ethic due to extra curricular school activities. Some are chomping at the bit to be on their own. Some need confidence.

 

The poll was inspired by these posts from another thread:

Obviously there was some disagreement of opinion going on, so I thought I'd start a poll and discussion about it.

 

Our children were informed starting young that at the end of summer after graduation from high school they have to moving out and would have to completely provide for themselves. Along this path was very deliberate guidance, supervision and instruction as to how to be able to do so, including maximizing acquired knowledge, skill sets and interpersonal skills. This takes a great deal of time, effort, consistency and focus as a parent - and this has to start VERY young.

This included, but not limited to, employment. I cannot count how many times we would point to someone working a cash register at a grocery store, mowing yards on a lawn crew, waiting on tables or stocking at a WalMart, and ask whichever child was with us: "Do you want to do what that person is doing all of your adult life?" To the obvious answer of "no," our follow up was "then you have to learn how to avoid this because most people end up in jobs like that."

It is important to teach the pride of success, to understand life, income and society is a competition, that the one thing that can never be taken from a person is the person's knowledge, and to develop as high of interpersonal skills as possible - plus to learn that self pride comes with success.

Each one as adults are quite different nor was our goal to make any like ourselves. The level of success ranged from astonishingly successful to quite failed. One succeeds at literally everything to amazing levels and of ever growing diversity of job and life experiences - all developing a massive set of acquired knowledge, skill sets and resume. On the bottom end is the question what is that one in jail for this time?

If any ask our advice we'll give it, won't if not asked, and never judgmental. Once they leave the home it's their life to live as they will because they each will live the consequences of their own decisions and actions/inactions.

Unless a child is truly disabled, parents who allow their children to live at home after graduation from high school are enabling irresponsibility and immaturity. BUT the parent has a strict duty to do all possible to lead each of their children towards the greatest possible success in life - such as each would measure success to their measures, not ours.

 

In some parts of the country, the rent costs are so high there's no way an 18-19 year old could go out and live on their own. They may buckle up and try sharing a two bedroom apartment with three other roommates. Many who try end up eventually boomeranging back to their parents when it doesn't work out.

 

Obviously theres always exceptions, but at 18 the majority of people have the physical maturity for self sufficience. Whether they have the emotional maturity to make good decisions and desire to be self sufficient by that agr is up to parents and society. On that front, I think we're trending away from making self sufficient adults.

But on a purely physical level (mostly concerning brain developement) 18 year olds should be fully capable of 'making it' on their own.

However, I would question any parents who would force an 18 year old out on their own if their werent extrenuating circumstances like drugs or violence endangering other family members. Humans arent birds, and dropping them out of the nest is not how they best learn to fly.

 

It may not be a wise course of action when the cost is $800 a month. They're basically not saving any money at that point, or having to drive all their energy into being able to come up with rent.

And that $800, I'm talking their share of the rent living in a small apartment with someone else. They better have the capability to pay more because if the roommate bails on them they may be responsible for paying the full rent price for some period. That's one of things that can cause them to have to go back to their parents.

The apartment I used to live at is now renting at $2000 a month. That's 1 bedroom. They charge extra for a garage space. And it doesn't cover the utilities. It was the cheapest apartment I could find in the area at that time.

The rent's a little bit lower if you're willing to sign a 14-month lease commitment ($1700). If you don't buy that garage space trying to find parking can be a nightmare.

 

Of course they can... like 18 yrs have done for generations... by sharing expenses with other employed 18 yr olds. 3 friends making $10/hr can live fairly well. Its unrealistic to expect to live by yourself at 18-19 unless scrapping by on ramen noodles is your idea of independence.

 

Depends on if dey got a job...

... makin' enough money to do so.

 

No excuses. Excuses are worthless. Relocate.

 

If this is outside your income, why do you stay there? Why do you need an apartment? Why not rent a room in a boarding house if you refuse to relocate?

 

I wanted to relocate at the time, but my parents strongly advised against it. I didn't have a car, and I might need their help if there was an emergency (which was sort of true, I ended up getting stranded several times since the public transportation service was terrible).

Thinking about moving a half hour away wouldn't have been very helpful either, the rents are pretty similar or worse.

I looked for about a year. The rooms weren't exactly cheap.
The more affordable priced ones had some pretty terrible situations. And I said 'yes' to a room three or four times but they never picked me. There were a lot of other people looking as well. Actually, come to think of it, I did live in one of the rooms for 2 months, but it was a pretty bad situation there and I had to move.
A lot of these rooms, the people living there didn't speak english very well.

(sorry I don't have time to write more about this, have to go now)

 

It would take something such as a medical emergency to allow one of our adult children to temporarily move in. For the most troubled one - always caused his own trouble (drugs/liquor/crime), our response was to tell him where their is a homeless shelter he can stay at. We will not enable our adult children's failures as nearly all failures are self-caused and, accordingly, getting out of failure also has to be self-done. Clearly, in a true medical situation we would take in any of our adult children.

BTW, we also make it clear to our children that we aren't their personal bondsman. Get themselves in jail and they have to get themselves out of jail.

 

Yes.

 

I noticed that and after the mass shooting in Florida I watched 17 year old and 18 year old one after another referring to themselves as "children."
Then more than a few called for lowering the voting age to 16 years of age.
Obvious they were well indoctrinated in political correctness.

Then for an entire week I watched liberals in Congress and on CNN also referring to 16, 17 and 18 year old as children.

Doesn't the left know how to read a Webster's or Oxford dictionary anymore ?

child
CHīld/
noun

1. a young human being below the age of puberty

2. an immature or irresponsible person.

 

18 is a sensitive age in someone's life. I'm at that age right now.

While it's true that ideally an 18 year old should be capable of providing for themselves, it's not always realistic. With college running up debts and jobs getting harder to find for youngsters in many parts of the country it's difficult to hold this expectation in every facet of the US. I know that for me personally a set of circumstances prevents me from having the same flexibility that others might have.

Growing up in a liberal neighborhood where minimum wage and affirmative action laws are so restricting to local businesses it's hard to actually acquire a job without some kind of work experience--and mine is minimal at best. This makes the pursuit of employment easier said and than done and it's seriously unfortunate that so many people my age are seeing ourselves replaced by adults in their middle ages who work entry level jobs at local supermarkets.

In an ideal world I think any 18 year old should be able to sustain themselves, but the world we live in is far from ideal. It would take being on benefits and holding down a job to make that leap for me personally, and I'm not a fan of that idea. So I think people should be able to feel comfortable holding on a few more years, at least until their college is done and they have a stable job.

 

I understand. But remember, YOU bear the consequences of your decisions. Other people freely give all sorts of advice. But the decisions are yours. Do you NEED a car? What about a bicycle? Public transportation? A used motor scooter?

It is not a crime to break a lease and it takes at least a month to evict someone. So for $2000 rent just by not paying it that is $2000 to relocate with - and enough for a deposit on an efficiency apartment and certainly a rental room elsewhere. Historically, people have had to move where the jobs are. Right now? #1 is Texas. Dallas is BOOMING! Small businesses have help wanted signs all over the place. Doesn't pay much, but rents are CHEAP. By the week efficiencies (basically motel rooms) are about $175 a week - furnished - if not in the best part of the city. But that includes utilities. Usually no deposit required either. So for $175 to no more than $300 you have your own place, then $175 a week. If you make your meals, rather than fast food it, you need very little income beyond that since utilities are paid. Dallas has DART, a transit system, and you can ride a bike to the train stops and bus stops. The fares are CHEAP. A person could get by on $250 a week easy, safely and with your own place.

In the meantime in spare time, keep applying for a better job. Seriously, you walk into any 7-11 store and if you are dressed neatly, don't have a criminal record and don't seem really weird you have a job. C-stores and restaurants always need people. Are you too proud to wash dishes? Working at a 7-11 or a WalMart below your dignity? Really hustle at that job, good work ethic, go the extra mile - and you might become assistance manager - and with that on your resume you also are in a better spot to find a better job. But NEVER quit a job no matter how bad until you have the next one.

Instead just lament you can't make it because you live in a high cost-of-living area?

Moving back home is a trap. Its too easy. Too easy to fritter away dollars on fast foods, video games, trinkets, new cloths rather than the thrift store, buying drinks at a bar rather than buying a bottle at the liquor store, buying a cup of soda when you could buy 4 cans of the same soda in a 12 pack, $2 on a burger and fries when you could have as many calories in a sandwich and bag of chips in a ziplock from a huge bag for 40 cents. And save, even if that means you always break a bill, never use coins, and save the coins every day.

Living at home now? Do your parents have a lawn mower? I good used one wouldn't cost you $100. Then go to the neighbors: "I'm trying to earn my way thru college (good story) and for $20 I'm mow your yard, trim your bushes. If that doesn't work, try $10. You make $8. $8 that you SAVE. Who knows, 3 years from now you might be driving a yard crew around making $50K+ and in 10 years have 5 yard crews making over $100K plus. ALWAYS watch for opportunities. But sitting in your parent's house posting online, playing video games, surfing U-Tube and Facebook? If so, call it what it is: 'laziness," "no motivation," "no personal responsibility."

What about a trailer? Those can rent cheap. Or even buy and old one and put it in a community travel trailer park. PLUS they are WELL suited for relocating, aren't they? Did you know that 1 out of 8 people in the USA live in a trailer? A fair number live in small boats even. CHEAP housing expenses!

Sorry to get on your case and I'm really not doing that. But I see this in young adults all around here. Endless excuses. Essentially bums - but bums living at home with parents who let them be bums. Plus some parents cling to their children and a very unhealthy relationship between parent and child develops then too.

BUT, give some details. How are you employed? What is your income now and your approximate age?

Finally, don't put much stock in what I write. I don't know you. You live the consequences of what you do. But remember, not making a decision in life is exactly the same as making a decision - there is no difference. So you also live the consequences of what you don't do too. Most people miss that part of making decisions in life. No decision is a decision.

 

Wouldn't have been viable either. There were too many lawn care services provided by undocumented Mexicans. We're talking about semi-professional landscaping that will come in with a big landscape truck and do the job for $15. A teenager or young adult wouldn't have been able to compete.

Maybe if I had lived in another part of the country.

I know someone who lives in a tiny mobile home, not really that much bigger than a trailer. He owns the home but has to pay $900 a month just for the space. A lot of former mobile home parks have been cleared out to make way for new developments. The cost to rent a boat space at a marina around here is not cheap, probably about $530-650 a month for the type of large boat you could sleep in, and last I heard there was not enough space available for everyone who wants to park their boat there. I actually knew someone that was doing this with his fiancé. They didn't have that much money and he owned a boat. Might not be safe to sleep during a storm though. Those boats can be pretty expensive to own with all the maintenance and upkeep.

If you want to see a creative solution one kid came up with to live on his own, see here: Kid lives out of van, California too expensive
In the end he felt the situation was too wearing on him.

 

Absolutely. Too young to be away from parents, whether independent OR at college. Kids should be living with parents until at least 21.

 

Where to even start!

It's NEVER in a child's interests to be turned out at age 18, it's only ever in the parents' interest. Children learn far more about compromise and cooperation, and the financial management involved in owning and maintaining a home, living with adults who require a certain standard of behaviour (ie, parents), than they do from renting and living with equally irresponsible and 'anything goes' peers.

 

Being kicked out of home young does not make people responsible! If anything, it does the opposite.

 

This, I agree with. People who complain about the cost of housing, but don't move. Harrumph.

 

It is quite damaging to a young persons' sense of self and security, to feel that no one has their back.

Further, it goes without saying that providing a lifelong home to your adult kids - if they ever needed it - hinges upon them being sound and decent people. Since most people are sound and decent, for the sake of the dialogue we can assume it. In which case, I cannot imagine ever telling my kids that they cannot live with us whenever they need or want to, for as long as they need or want to.