In many cases of Domestic Violence and in some cases of non-Domestic Violence, a woman hits a man and he responds in kind. In 2014, there was a famous case where Amelia Molitor publicly slapped Joe Mixon and he retaliated with physical force. Joe Mixon was convicted of assault and miraculously avoided prison and loss of career. More recently, David Sorensen lost his career after being accused of Domestic Violence by his ex-wife Jessica Corbett. Sorensen presented cellphone photos from 2015 of cuts and bruises he allegedly sustained from Corbett. In her text messages, Corbett mentioned that she was justified slapping Sorensen for verbally insulting her. Corbett confirmed that she slapped Sorensen a number of times. ("When wives beat their husbands, no one wants to believe it" by Cathy Young). The subject of male retaliation to women's violence has been endlessly discussed online and offline. It has been discussed from the woman's perspective as well as from the man's perspective. I would like to discuss both perspectives, as well as the third party perspective. The first perspective is that of the woman who initiates violence. Her actions are consistent with attitude toward men in modern Western Society and culture. A Progressive Feminist site Jezebel ran an article called Have You Ever Beat Up A Boyfriend? Cause, Uh, We Have. Recent DIRECTV commercial called "More For Your Thing: Break Up" features a woman throwing out her ex-boyfriend's possessions, while he is dodging the falling items. Women slapping and hitting men is a common theme in comedies. Multiple movies glorify all kinds of abuse of men by women. Emily Javier who almost beheaded her boyfriend with a katana for infidelity was treated sympathetically by MSM in 2018. Most women and some men commenting on Javier story on several comment sections supported her and joked about the attack. A woman who initiates violence against a man understands that the law and culture expects him to accept abuse without defending himself. Nevertheless, from her perspective there is a risk of a man illegally defending himself. The second perspective is that of the man who is attacked. He understands very well, that according to the law he has to accept abuse -- even severe and repeated or frequent abuse. If he defends himself or retaliates, he will likely get a long prison sentence and loose his career. His situation is similar to that of an 18th century East European or Russian serf who is abused by a cruel noble. I would not give any advice to anyone in such situation. The third perspective is that of a third party in general and other men in particular. Gender Feminists claim that all men have an ethical duty to condemn any man who retaliates against a violent woman. I completely disagree -- in my opinion, men should be grateful to the men who defended themselves. First, even though these men did break the law, supporting them is not illegal. Even though Law Enforcement and the Penal System are required to punish anyone who breaks the law, there is no legal requirement on others to ``condemn" the offender. Exceeding the requirement of the law is called ``anticipatory obedience". Second, anyone who believes in Gender Equality can not hold men to higher moral standard then women. Some Gender Feminists argue that any man who does not condemn offensive behavior of other men is a ``part of the problem". In my opinion, men (or women) who defend a man like David Sorensen are in no way worse then women (or men) who defend a lady like Emily Javier. Men have no moral or legal duty to express concern for a misandrist who considers abusing them a form of empowerment. Third, these men's response to attacks would deter similar acts of abuse. The fact that abuse of men subjects the perpetrator to the risk of retaliation prevents most men from becoming abused. In English-speaking world of 2018, all men are increasingly blamed for actions of some men, and saying #notallmen is considered highly inappropriate. All men are increasingly being treated as a monolith. It is only logical for men in such situation to look out for men's collective interests.
Quite simply put....walk away. I had a girlfriend many years ago who was very cool and attractive, she was a lot of fun and I liked her very much. one day she got pissed about somethin (I cant remember what) and began yelling at me while cussing me out. She also liked me a lot and we made a good couple as I am also attractive and considered a catch. She then drew back her arm and made a fist to hit me, I let her do so. Immediately I looked her in the eye and told her "You Just F@cked Up"....I left and only saw her a couple times at parties but we never talked again.
Thank you for sharing. You did a right thing -- many men stay with abusers. My nanoessay was primarily about the third party response.
The best part being I eventually began dating her close friend and when I found out about their friendship told her and said I did not want Angela around me. The friendship faded and eventually went away. Not sure if I was angry or just wanted revenge.
This might interest you folks: https://sites.google.com/site/ilyashambatthought/incentivizing-goodwill
First, I think there is a vital distinction to be made between self-defence and retaliation or “responding in kind” (regardless of the genders of the people involved). Simply striking back in anger or revenge may be a natural response but it isn’t justified and general won’t be legal. Someone is unlikely to be charged or convicted in that kind of situation but it means the instigator is less likely to be either because it makes the situation appear as “six of one, half a dozen of the other”. Only if one side does significantly more damage is serious legal action likely, one of the reasons men can be more likely to fall foul of the law. It’s also worth being clear that there is typically no legal distinction between assaults by male or female partners. There is a social distinction as you discuss, and that inevitably influencing the law because the law is applied by people. And while there are undeniably imbalances in the application of the law, I’m not convinced they’re always as clear cut as presented in the media.
Unfortunately the social conflict between men's and women's interests has gone too far. Unless men advocate for their Human Rights, these rights will continue to erode.
Definitely a man who hits back is going to be convicted of assault and sent to prison. My point is that there is no moral or legal duty on other men to condemn him for two reasons: 1) His reaction makes other men less likely to be attacked. 2) Most women would not condemn a woman who attacks a man for infidelity. For instance, recently Karuna Sanusan castrated her husband for alleged infidelity, and there are responses like PS. I am not blaming #allwomen and I am grateful to women who defend male victims of abuse and discrimination.
No. The vast, vast proportion of violence in relationships, regardless of the surround circumstances or sequence of events, will never some close to any kind of formal legal attention. Any partner would need to either have a proven history of habitual violence or cause significant injury before the is any risk of prison for assault. I'm not condemning men specifically. I'm condemning anyone who seriously strikes back against anyone else in anger or revenge. A punch in response to a slap is never justifiable. No more than it makes women more likely to be. If you continue to make it about gender, you're only going to feed the cultural gender disparity in domestic violence. Two wrongs don't make a right, especially when the wrongs are committed by people who you only share a chromosome pattern with.
I'm legally disabled the law permits me if I feel my person is threatened sufficiently to use superior force its assumed a fit person pummeling me allows me to pull my knife and threaten and if needed use it, since its a force equalizer. I'd let the law decide if I was right at stabbing the woman beating on me especially if there are witnesses who I assume won't try to help. (My knife is just legal carry but I know how to use it.)
I understand that such response would be severely penalized by the law. On personal level it would get the man who retaliates into a lot of trouble. But on societal level, it would make Domestic Violence against men less likely. Any man who attacks a woman risks a severe sentence. A woman who attacks a man risks only retaliation from the attacked side. I also wanted to look at the issue from the third party perspective -- do men have a moral duty to condemn a man like David Sorensen or Joe Mixon? I do not think men have any greater moral duty to condemn these men then women had to condemn Emily Javier. EJ tried to decapitate her boyfriend with a katana after finding out he was unfaithful. Many women and some men in the comments supported her. I do not see how holding men to a higher moral standard then women adds to Gender Equality. I am grateful to women who stand up for male victims of abuse and discrimination.
Screw the law! If you're unwilling to agree that a punch in revenge for a slap, regardless of who is involved, isn't morally wrong we're done here. That is a gross oversimplification of a whole range of complex situations. It's true that there are imbalances in social attitudes which can influence legal outcomes but the vast, vast majority of domestic violence never comes close to the courts. Your "solution" isn't going to make anything better, it would just add more violence.Your "solution" would kill people.
I do not give any advice to people who are in an acute confrontation. As I said, anyone in a physical confrontation can decide only for himself/herself. My advice is only for the third party.
My ex would hit me on occasion. Not slaps, but actual punches to the face. I believe she was 'pulling' them, trying to get me to hit her back harder so she could call the cops having worse bruises than I. But even if I didn't think that, I wouldn't have hit her back. She wasn't doing any serious damage, so there wasn't any need for self defense, and I had no desire to hurt her.
Thank you for sharing. I hope your situation got better. I am not saying you should have done anything differently. I am saying men should support men like Joe Mixon. Do men have a greater moral duty to condemn Joe Mixon then women have to condemn Emily Javier? Should men be held to a higher moral standard then women?
Nah. Theres plenty of women out there that do hit hard and can cause damage, or will use weapons. The law should be equal- if you punch first, you're the assaulter. If you deliberately hit someone, you should expect to be hit back harder and go to jail. Ill reserve my own moral judgement on a case by case basis. If a tiny woman punches a huge dood and barely hurts him and he smashes her face in for it, then she was asking for it, but he's still a POS too.
I agree 100%. Sadly, there is a very severe discrimination against male victims of DV. Most men who defend themselves are sentenced as aggressors.
With both men and women this should be quite simple....if your partner hits you then just straight out leave. If they threaten to, look them in the eye and tell them what will happen. If you are worth something to them that would be the ultimate lesson.
Normally, this is good advice. I suspect most DV is the result of mental illness, which is another 70 or so different topics...
Yes I am sure there are men who are victims of domestic violence but in most cases it is women victims because we are weaker. There are also cases of children who hit their parents but yet we focus on the major issue more and that is parents hitting children
And then it is actually mostly mothers who are the perpetrators. Which is quite interesting because the general stereotype is one where the child gets a taste of daddy's belt.
You did the right thing. I was once at a party where a female acquaintance - from nowhere - grabbed me and tried to wrestle me down (as a joke obviously, but not really sure why) and I, as a man, obviously couldn't fight back in any way, both from fear of hurting her or accidentally groping her in an "awkward" way, so I just put my hands behind my back and allowed her to struggle bringing me to the ground. Had it been a male, I would have fought back and things might have gotten more serious and, maybe even, really violent.
