My Second Life and other Secrets

OYE!

 

When I said it's been a wild ride, I wasn't kidding.

 

I didn't end it with 13 because of 14. In fact we had our threesome just in time. Things with 13 were already starting to take a turn I didn't like. When I ended it a few weeks later, she was just sure that I had gotten back together with Number 1; this because 1 and I had recently met for a friendly visit over coffee. For some reason she fixated on that instead of listening to what I was saying. It was about our relationship and nothing else. I don't know why she never thought it might be the woman who became 14. But when I decided to end it, it took about 2 nanoseconds for me to think of that amazing woman from our threesome. I texted her and she was more than willing to get together again.

So, this photo became our little joke. It also commemorates our first meeting. And the girl on the right has just the right look.



It was noticeably odd the way it all went down. Threesomes are fun to do now and then, but as a rule I prefer the personal intimacy between two people. But 13 was longing to be with a woman so badly she could hardly stand it. She had been since she was a young teen. I immediately sensed that this was a unique moment. And I was on a mission to get my sugar baby a hot date. Obviously I was looking forward to the evening. But the truth is, I busted my butt for 13, not for me. I was truly thinking of her and realized that I was in a position to do something really special for her.

14 has told me a number of times how impressed she was with this. She couldn't believe that everything was exactly as I had said. She didn't really believe it until she came into my living room and saw 13 sitting there anxiously waiting. 14 was enamored by the entire scenario. And she was really excited about being with another woman her first time.

But in the end, in spite of my best efforts to do something special for 13, I was really finding my way to 14. I was unwittingly on a mission for me! It's really funny how things work out sometimes.

 

The next morning, after our threesome, 13 looked at me with a very calculating look and said, "I think I'm about 15% lesbian".

LOL!!! That has cracked me up from the moment she said it. It was the next day or so when I met Number 1 for coffee. So I told her about the threesome and what 13 had said - that she's 15% lesbian. Number 1 looked at me with that all-knowing look of hers, smiled and said, "We all are".

 

I took a few days off and have had some time to think. This is definitely new territory for me. With Number 1, I knew she loved me for some time before she finally admitted it. And I was long gone long before that. I lost control the moment I met her. But this is different. I'm standing on a cliff. If I take the next step, I'm afraid I might lose myself again. I was looking at her photos earlier and can feel myself wanting to let go. I can feel a very deep passion trying to rise to the surface. And that would be great as long as it's real. If she is being honest, then this takes on a whole new dimension. Number 1 always resisted getting as close as we did. 14 doesn't seem to fight it. She seems to just accept that this is how she feels. Well, she did say that she has loved me for some time. So she did hold back.

She is coming over tomorrow and spending the night. Already my engine is running at full steam. I am going to make love to her like no one ever has before.

 

Now that there has been time for word to get around, two other young female engineers made a point to be more friendly than normal - not in a flirtatious way but with a now familiar look - the "I know" look. And I know what it is. After being outed, I explained to my work associate - the first young female engineer - that I had fallen madly in love with Number One [of course I said her real name], that I was completely helpless with her, and that I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone. When it ended, I worked hard to find something like that again. At heart I'm really just a hopeless romantic. She was clearly enamored by this.

This has happened before with other women. In fact the same thing happened with the woman who cuts my hair. She was just sure that Number One was going to marry me. Woman tend to swoon at the notion of a man being madly in love and expressing those feelings. One woman was clearly fired up and was after me, after she met Number One. I wasn't interested but she made sure that I knew she was.

It was interesting too that my engineering friend visibly reacted as in an "Ah hah!" moment, when I told her how it works - namely that you have to accept that you can't keep them. Just enjoy the time that you have together. They have to know that you aren't going to go crazy on them. Suddenly it all made sense to her and she gave me a big smile. This too seems to come off as being romantic. I guess because it is. It is reckless abandon with no expectations. Not just sugar babies, but younger women generally seem to appreciate this.

I told my engineering friend that I told 14 that I'd marry her. I thought you said that you aren't going to get married again!, she objected. Well, yeah, unless she's 22 and hot! I replied. She lit up and then broke out in laughter. She really liked that answer. I'm not sure why. I guess because it's honest.

 

You only have a second life?? I am like a Carl Sagan of billions and billions of internet identities

I have died and been reincarnated at least twenty times at one website

I think I will be TelemundoHeyZues next.. Albert died and was sent to permaban binary hell this afternoon

I do only do one at a time.. I also cannot play 4 poker hands at once

 

I meant real life.

 

We had a real heart-to-heart talk and she definitely doesn't want to get pregnant. She just forgot herself. We play without one for a time and then I put one on when we want to get serious.

She told me that I'm only the third man with whom she's had sex with without using a condom - her first two serious boyfriends, and now me. I'd like to try to move this ahead a bit but we are pretty much stuck with her schedule at school. Can't do much for a time. But we are talking about taking a trip to Mexico.

 

There are days when my heart aches to have her as mine forever. And she dropped another real bombshell - for medical reasons she isn't going to have children. The desire to start a family one day is what makes most relationships finite necessarily. But if she doesn't want to have children, a huge barrier to a LTR falls away.

I start to agonize over things a bit. But I can't forget the overriding principle that I can't expect to keep her. Live in the moment. Enjoy the time that we have together. Getting carried away with expectations or unrealistic hopes will just ruin the time that we do have. I have to keep reminding myself of this. What I have IS amazing. I love every moment that we have together, She is kind, smart, funny, exceedingly beautiful, in fantastic shape, we have a wonderful time talking and sharing things we enjoy, we have amazing sex, and she has grown to love me. I have to stop reaching and be happy with what I have.

 

Here is something else I've been struggling with from time to time. I want to be in love like I was with Number 1. But even back then, I knew that this was something rare. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much. But I have also learned that there are many kinds of love. My love for her was all consuming. I was helpless. I was completely out of control. And I want that again. But I know better than to think any two relationships can be the same. And I've always believed a love like that comes along once in a life time, if that. She was by an order of magnitude, the greatest love of my life. How do you ever really get over that? Maybe no one else will ever be able to compare?

I start to pull back and question my own feelings. Maybe I don't really love 14. Maybe I'm still in love with the idea of being in love. Maybe I can never really love anyone again because I still love Number 1 so much. But I have let her go. That's the best I can do. I could never stop loving her. Then I think of 14, maybe look at her photos, think of our time together, and I get a warm rush and my heart fills with joy. I do love her. I just need to separate things in my head. If there is a chance of this working out to be more, most of all I have to be honest and allow this to run its own course. I can't impose expectations. I just have to get used to the idea that I love two women, each in their own way.

 

Funny, I meant to mention this but don't think I ever did. As mentioned, the young woman who cuts my hair has been a great buddy for over five years now. She knows more than anyone but my best friend. She is half black. When I showed her a sexy shot of 14, she said, "Hey, she has a really nice ass for a white girl!" I told 14 about it and she cracked up. So now I use that line all the time when we're lying in bed. You know, you have a really nice ass for a white girl.

 

One ramification of this lifestyle that I never imagined, is that I am now in love with 4 women. I still love Number One with all my heart. And I always will. But when I go back and look at videos of 13, I still feel love in my heart for her as well. I really do love her. I never told her that but I did. And I love 14. We have had nothing but one great night after another for over a year and half now. We have had magic together since our first moments together. There is another woman I've never seen beyond a coffee date but I found myself falling in love with her almost instantly. Whenever I think of her I get that rush. I could feel it. We had that special connection. There were just too many practical problems for us to date regularly.

Keep in mind that I've viewed something like 5000 profiles, contacted about 500 women, engaged perhaps 250 in some level of conversation, had 120 coffee dates, dated perhaps 25 at least a few times, with 14 sugars babies over six years, and 4 women I love. How do you like those odds?

Love comes many flavors. And some loves are more powerful than others. But there is nothing sweeter than romantic love. And I'm a hopeless romantic. But there are times when I feel overwhelmed. I had never loved more than one woman at once. And when it was over, the love was gone. There might still be fond memories and feeling a connection, but no real emotion. But with these women, I accept that the price of heaven is that you have to be willing to let go when the time comes. So my love never dies. It just keeps adding. I have all of these emotions for each and every one. It gets to be a lot to balance.

I actually ended the relationship with 13. But just because it wasn't working doesn't mean that I don't love her.

I should add that after about 18 months each, interestingly, both Number One and 14 told me they love me as well.

Sometimes I can hardly believe what is my life now. I never ever could have imagined what my life would become at my age. The truth is, I expected to be dead by now. And I came about as close as you can get.

 

I still think you have missed out on the greatest love of all....children

IMHO

 

He's a fraud, why engage such activity?

 

back in my day i was a multi millionaire, head of a fortune 500 company.

then the economy tanked and i lost my job to a H1B visa holder, soon after i couldn't support my trophy wife and she took half of my assets in the divorce.

she was able to take my kids away because i was a wife beater, but only when she was bad. thank God our country is moving back in the right direction, things are finally looking up.

 

OMG... I feel so sorry for poking fun at 'U' in the other 'thread'...

 

is this arrangement taking place in europe, specifically italy?

all sugar babies have to be 18 and over to lawfully consent to an arrangement in America.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Italy

 

He is a fraud and he and everyone else knows it.

 

Why? I didn't notice.

 

Me? So another one who finds my life so freaking amazing that they can't believe it?

Thank you.

 

Well, I ended it with 14. She is just too busy. I didn't want to pressure her for more time. She needs to stay focused on her career. And I don't want her dragging herself over when she needs to sleep.

My heart is breaking but I'm not devastated as with Number One. I had already gone on some coffee dates and met the woman who is now 15. She is a little older - 31. She is beautiful but not a knock out like 14. But that's fine. We have the potential to connect on a very soulful level. We love many of the same things; such as Phantom of the Opera, plays in general, many of the same weird types of sci fi and fantasy, many types of music, and of course we are both risk takers and thrill seekers. Most people who do this are.

We've been on a few dates. In fact we dated before I ended things with 14.

I really struggled with my decision to end things with 14. I really do love her. But the nature of these relationships is that we don't have a future. If it isn't working now, that's all that matters. I was almost sick over it but it doesn't do me any good sitting here waiting for dates. I understand that she is insanely busy. But I can't waste the good years that I have left. It broke my heart but I need to stick to the plan or I end up sitting here alone far too much. DAMN! She was so beautiful. The sex was amazing. We always had a wonderful time together. But she is just too busy for a regular schedule. I never know if she can go out or not.

 

Perhaps. But my ex couldn't have children and that was a blessing. It was hell already. Throwing kids in the mix would have been disastrous. Also, I'm not so sure about wanting kids, My father never really wanted to be a father and we all knew it. I've always suspected that I might have been the same. I was so focused on science and my career that I didn't ever really have time for kids.

I will never forget a chem professor who admitted that if she had it to do over, she wouldn't have had children. That really stuck with me.

 

Oh yes, speaking of 15, we've actually had 4 regular dates. She came over to my place last night. It was her second time here. Once again my program proved to pay off. She got here and needed to pee. She came out and complimented me, almost as if amazed, on how clean my place is. It clearly counted for a lot with her.

It takes me 8 hours to get ready for a date. The first rule of thumb is that my place is immaculate for each and every date. Combine that with the vanilla candles, bleach products for all cleaning and laundry, lemon oil for the furniture, febreeze fabric deodorizer, and all work wonderfully together. "Oh it always smells so good in here" is another frequent comment. There is nothing like an immaculately clean house and great smells, to put a woman at ease. And all odors selected are aphrodisiacs.

Glade has a new vanilla scented candle that is awesome - Sheer Vanilla Embrace. Mmmmm. I always clean out the local store shelves and they are spendy. I may start buying them by the crate.

I keep adding to my candle count. Originally I used three on the counter, two on the coffee table, and 3 or 4 on the headboard of the bed; which is highly functional, with a large mirror and plenty of shelf space. Now I am up to about 7 or 8 in the living room and up to 10 in the bedroom. LOL! But almost every woman I've seen loves the bed and candles. So I stick with what works and build on that.

 

A night at my place.
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-continental/2869208

I have often thought about these skits and had to laugh.

He is pouring Dom. We have that in common. I use empty Dom bottles as decorations.