Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

I answered a penis enlargement advert. "Get the girls! You could have a bigger penis than Russell Brand!" They sent me Jonathan Ross.

 

Profound!

 

Did you know why witches can't get pregnant?

Their husbands all have hollow weenies.

 

Two aussie guys are walking along a river bank when they come across a group of people ...

... watching a man immerse some of them in the river.

Spying them, the man calls out " Hey, brothers, come on down. I'm baptizing sinners, washing away their sin, just as the word says. Come on down, you'll find Jesus, you'll be saved!"

"What d'you reckon?" one asks the other.

"Yeah, well, it probably can't hurt, 'n it's a hot day an all, a dip in the river sounds good." So he goes on down and is soon being immersed.

As he comes up the preacher says, "Hallelujah! Have you found Jesus!?"

"No", replies the aussie, so he's dunked again.

"Have you found Jesus now?" asks the reverend excitedly.

"Nope, not yet," replies the guy, and a third time he goes down.

This time he's under the water for quite a while, and when his head bobs up the same question is asked. "Well, have you found him this time?"

"No, I haven't. Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

 

520 America kids took part in a spelling bee.
They spelled words like bougainvillea (a genus of thorny ornamental plants), pendeloque (pear-shaped diamond cut), auslaut (a final position), and erysipelas (a skin infection).
.
.
.
Yet not one of them can spell colour or aluminium correctly.

 

Some time ago there was an old Native American who wanted a loan for $500.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewelry to city and sell it," was his response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the loan if you don?t repay it. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, a 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" the banker asked.
"Put in tepee."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

 

Did you know that working away on a oil rig makes your kids black?

 

I'm trying to make a "Comrade Cortez" cocktail but I'm struggling to find the dehydrated water.

 

Because they don't pretend to be French.

 

Enculé but which language are you're speaking now? Is it Australian, American or Congolese or is it ENGLISH the best language in the world

I mean Titties and boobs almost perfect words and the pinnacle of the British language today.

**** sucking fart burger.

 

Lol

Tbh, it is pretty bad how the English language has been butchered into American

 

Wut do U meen?

 

“Westminster system” is a pretty good pair of words.

 

WARNING! Rodney Rude humour.

2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes. 'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!' 'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic’.

 

That reminds of having rodeo sex with Mrs BB. That's where I call her by the wrong name during sex and then try to hold on for 8 seconds.

 

Nah, it's better to tell her when in the ''canine'' position ''this is how your sister likes it''.

 

My wife made an attempt at setting the women's record high dive with a jump of 60 meters.
I was really really anxious,
but it really went as well as I could have hoped.
She did a massive belly flop and died instantly.

 

I won my gold medal with the help of anabolic steroids.

I spiked my opponents' food with them, and they all got disqualified.

 

It's a killer year for mountain climbing

 

“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet” - Abraham Lincoln

 

So the Muslim women in front of me at the supermarket dropped her beers, which I thought was a little odd. Still she was nice enough about it and just got some more from the fridge.

This isn't a joke just 10 minutes ago, Stella in case your wondering.

 

So the wife has a yellowy stinky vaginal discharge again, she claims it's normal for all women but something smells fishy if you ask me.