Dating in the Internet era - Good or bad?

Several years ago I experimented with online dating and did some research on it at the time. I haven't done much since so perhaps things have changed but here are my thoughts and what I found:

1) Women receive an extremely disproportionate amount of messages compared to men. This leads me to believe that women have a higher overall chance of finding someone they are compatible with, but also may lead to burnout. On the other hand, men are more likely to get frustrated and give up without having gone on a single date.

2) Due to the large amount of options and low amount of information, appearances become the most important determining factor on if you will receive messages leading to potential dates. This in effect means first dates are more likely to be predicated on superficial features than an expectation of compatibility.

3) Men in in the ~35 age range are the most likely to receive an initial message from women. I can't quite remember the stat on women, but I think it was in the ~25 age range. I believe the stat on men at least had to do with women after a divorce (potentially with a child), looking for stability. At least I *think* that was in the article, although it may have been conjecture.

Despite its drawbacks, I think online dating is probably a good thing. It gives a potential outlet to those who feel they do not have an alternative. I know it can lead to serious relationships, but the probabilities are low for any given individual. I can't comment on Hook-up apps or their impact as I haven't looked into them.

 

Things are exactly the same as they were before the age of the internet. You wanted to meet someone, you go to the places where people go to meet someone. Normally the bars. You shouldn't go home with someone that you just met via an online source, just like you shouldn't go home with someone we just met at the bar. You shouldn't believe what someone posts online, just like you shouldn't believe the BS they tell you in bars. Same rules apply.

I used plenty of fish to meet some girls, had fun, then I met my future wife on there, Neither one of us was looking for anything serious, but here we are 15 years later. My previous marriage, which began more traditionally, only lasted 7.

Online dating allows you to cast a wider net instead of limiting your choices to the bar on the south side of town or the bar on the north side of town. Just act like you have some sense, don't put yourself in danger, and you should be just fine. It's a great advantage.

 

Not all women are like this. I am not really bothered when women act like this. Its good they act like this so I can know very quickly and easily to move on.

 

Online dating apps allow users to specify what kind of relationships they are looking for. It gives people more capability of meeting other singles interested in a relationship and thats a good thing in my eyes. A lot of guys have trouble approaching women and online dating makes meeting people easier. You don't have to guess who is available or not or who is looking for a relationship or not.

 

I'm not concerned by dating. I think it's good for women, for men it's less interesting. @nobodyspecific explained why.

 

I think it is worse for women. Especially if we are speaking of Tinder since that app is centred around how men typically approach women "irl" - They see a woman who looks attractive and they approach her. The only difference here is that it does not take as much courage as doing it face-tp-face as the rejection that may result from the approach is not as obvious as it is "irl". For women, this also means that they cannot really judge the strangers true character because the interaction happens in cyberspace. It is basically like speaking to a bot that does not breathe and who has no flesh.

 

What's you're saying is both true for both men and women. Neither men or women can't judge the opposite sex on their true character. Furthermore, women will reject or accepts demands mostly on the physical appearance of men which would approach them. What else have you ? A poor description often made of a falsely provocative joke.

That's a common neurological bias, that make us see issues that affect women as more important than the one that men, that's explain why we see often the murder of a woman (especially if she is pretty) as more unacceptable than the one of a man, or female homelessness as more unacceptable than men homelessness.
It's not a weird incel theory, but an observed fact :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_are_wonderful_effect

There is many youtube videos showing that even less attractive women would get a lot of match on tinder simply because there is enough desperate men. Strangely, I didn't managed to found them back, there was one with an obese woman and another with a 60 YO woman. I don't know what happened to them.

At least from a sexual point of view, 18 % of female millienials didn't had sex since the last year and 28 of male millenials. Both people not having sex is on the rise either for male or female.

Concerning love, we don't have time for fairy tales.

 

People do not socialize as much as they used to - by "socialize" I mean face to face rather than via text message - this is especially true with the younger generation - many of which do not even get their driver's licenses until later. Studies have been done on a number of interesting trends.

Finding someone through regular channels is tedious and expensive. Go to a bar and you might be lucky enough to have an interaction with someone you fancy. This is an all night affair and it is expensive.

Go on the internet and you can have interactions with numerous potential mates - in the span of an hour - and it costs nothing. It is simply a numbers game. If the two want to meet - they have a coffee date which quickly determines if there is potential. Quick - Cheap - and efficient.

A person can set up 2 coffee dates a day for a week if they want to. Keep in mind that these 14 have already been vetted - out of hundreds - and passed numerous bars. 7 of those people will be duds - as in within the first 3 minutes (and sometimes as soon as they walk through the door) you will know this person is not a fit.

Of the other 7 - 4 are going to be in the - "not sure" list - further investigation is required ... two or three however are going to be in the .. "I am really interested in this person" category.

 

Plenty of Fish is a free one.

https://www.pof.com/

There are also free Iphone dating apps.

 

I have not tried any of these apps because I do not fancy the idea of them. However, I have heard of eHarmony and OKCupid both of which are based on the concept of answering various test questions and then allowing the algoritm to match "compatible personalities" to one and other. Since I have no experience with neither, I cannot really tell how efficient and good they are, but the idea sounds very nice to me.

 

POF is the trailer park of dating sites. Anything remotely descent is a pay site.....but of course even though most all women 'don't need a man', they damn sure expect for men to pay for everything, including dating site subscriptions so they can communicate.

 

Heard about the dating aps from my kid - never used them personally since I am married . Know many who have met folks on the websites though. It is getting fairly common these days for folks to marry people they met online.

 

The point was that it is a free site - I made no comment on the quality of the site - however .. I know people who have met on that site.

 

My wife has a similar inflexible attitude.

However for those who are single, I don't see what's wrong with using it as an option.

 

What racial bias?

 

Something I was reminded of based on @Nightmare515's description. There is one exception to the rule of men bombarding women with messages I am aware of. As with most products, there are many flavors of dating apps. One of them is called Bumble and it's unique trait is that if you register as heterosexual, women are required to initiate the contact with men. I can't speak to how well it works, though it seems like a good idea to counter the normal problem of women being bombarded by too many messages.

 

courting on the internet is great on sites like seeking arrangement, there is a set price for a set service.

now if people want to be more fancy in courtship with marriage, maybe christian mingles or e harmony

there are also apps for casual hook ups which are free of charge if there is physical attraction, like tinder.

 

Kinda related...

I have a profile on a dating site. I've gotten a lot of likes from liberal women. They'll send me a like, we'll start a conversation, always starts pleasantly, but then they'll come out of nowhere with something like "SO, I see that you're conservative. Exactely how conservative are you!?"

At this point I think to myself, "If you feel the need to ask that question, then too conservative". But I usually just stop replying. If I see liberal in their description, I don't even bother.

 

Internet dating is fine if you have good instincts and good sense and spend time using those instincts and senses whilst you get to know someone. It has to be better than tons of expensive and awkward dinners that go nowhere. At least on the internet you (should) spend the time getting to know someone before you meet up.

There are tons of dishonest people out there and you will find them everywhere (in bars or online) but it's often easier to get to know the true depth of someone without being face to face. If you're not totally desperate to grab the first person you find it's easy to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Some people don't have good instincts but their bad choices wouldn't be limited to the internet. They would make the same bad choices no matter where they met someone.

I know several couples who met online and they have all been very happily married for more than a decade. Probably more like 15 years actually. Time flies!

 

I use the internet all the time. But if I think I might like someone, I try to get to the coffee date as fast as possible. I find there is nothing like face to face, and especially the sense of the chemistry between you. I truly hate trying to get to know someone in text. It only conveys a fraction of the information as does direct interaction - just a picture is worth a thousand words. And I've met several women online who seemed great right up until we met. In a couple of cases we had especially good online chemistry but face to face it was just the opposite.

But then in a way I'm agreeing with you. I have learned to follow my instincts. But my instincts are best face to face.

Also, my charm, sense of humor, and smile are my strongest traits for meeting new women. When limited to text I can't be at my best. And standing out in an ocean of messages from other men is frustrating. But I don't use the dart method. I take the time to read profiles and respond in meaningful way. I have to send a lot of messages for each serious response. But then I go after women who are way out of my league so I expect it to take a lot of work.

 

The couples I spoke of above actually lived in different states. One couple lived in different countries. You seem to limit your prospects to people within an easy distance of a cup of coffee and that in itself sets boundaries and limits and you might as well just hang around the local coffee shop, mall or bar hoping you will see someone whom you may be attracted to.

If you want something special you have to work for it and then you have to work AT it constantly to keep it balanced as well. Something that comes conveniently and easily is not always best for us.

If there truly is chemistry that warrants further investigation it doesn't matter whether they live down the road or are 1,000 miles away.

Sure people lie online but they also lie face to face and with the latter it's usually too late before you even find out. Don't be anxious and in such a hurry. You need to be reasonably happy within yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else.

True life partners compliment each other in both their strengths and their weaknesses and blend together to make a whole. They don't depend on the other party solely to make them feel whole because that is when the cracks will appear eventually and when resentment often sets in if they feel let down.

 

~ It really reminds me of "pen pals" corresponding by mail in the 1940s that Mom told me about. There was always a way for people to meet other than in person. I understand the Native Americans had some fairly risqué smoke signals going on back in the day ...

 

Busy Beaver say he have many scalps and heap wampum, like walk on beach and hanging by hooks.