Original corona virus humor

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Phil, Mar 23, 2020.

  1. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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  2. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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  3. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    So far I've written songs about catching the virus, suffering from the virus, warning about the virus and coping with the quarantine. This weekend I finally identified the right tune for a song about the cause of the virus. It's Don't know Why by Norah Jones:
    In our country we eat the cat,
    Snakes and songbirds, even rat.
    Now they're blaming me for all that.
    Don't know why I ate that bat.
    Don't know why I ate that bat.

    It starts in the bat's glands.
    It travels through all lands.
    They're blaming me for all that.
    Don't know why I ate that bat.
    Don't know why I ate that bat.

    On the road Again:
    On the road Again;
    Looks like I might never be on the road again.
    They won't even let me have a party with my friends,
    And I think I'll never be on the road again.

    On Broadway:
    They say the shows are all shut down on Broadway,
    On Broadway,
    Because the virus spreads all through the air,
    So if you're walking down that street,
    Cops and muggers are all you'll meet.
    And either way you'll wish you weren't on Broadway,
    On Broadway.

    New York, New York:
    I just heard the news.
    You can't go anywhere,
    Because they just quarantined New York, New York.
    You can't get out of there.
    You can't go anywhere.
    You're trapped in or out of New York.

    I write the Songs:
    I've got the germ they call COVID 19.
    I've got the germ and it is treating me mean.
    I've got the germ and I am out of breath.
    I've got the germ that might bring death.

    Fire and Rain:
    I've had illness and I've had pain.
    Had chronic ills that I thought would never end,
    But at least those times I was consoled by a friend.
    I wish I wasn't alone. It's driving me insane.
     
  4. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    *
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2020
  5. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    Christmas and Easter songs adapted to the virus
    Old Rugged Cross:
    From a land far away comes the Wuhan virus,
    Causing fever, and coughing and pain.
    It spread across the sea, now it reaches toward us,
    So from gathering we must abstain.
    Beware of the corona virus
    Corona virus.
    It might kill you or make very ill.
    We must not exaggerate and fuss,
    And fuss,
    Because all it knows is it must kill.

    Jingle Bells:
    Corona Corona, Corona virus is here.
    It's killing a lot of folks both far away and near.
    Corona, Corona, Corona virus is here.
    We don't need just to fear death but also to fear fear.

    Here comes Peter Cottontail:
    The corona virus is coming soon,
    Hits by day or light of Moon,
    Best you can do is stay out of its way.
    Might get you. It might get me.
    I'm not afraid, nor should you be,
    Because we all have to die someday.

    I'm dreaming of a white Christmas:
    I'm dreaming of COVID 19,
    Because it's always on my mind.
    The news tells us daily,
    How it's killing painf-ly.
    This fever is really most unkind.
    I'm dreaming of COVID 19
    And all the symptoms I might get.
    Keep your hands washed but never wet,
    And wipe after each trip to the toilet.

    Christ the LORD is risen today:
    I survived COVID 19 Allllelujah.
    Beat that virus that's so mean Alllelujah.
    Now I'm healthy and at ease Allllelujah.
    I feel strong as Hercules Allllelujah!
     
  6. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    More old tv shows return for corona episode:
    Hart to Hart:
    Mr. Hart has many illnesses, resulting in frequent trips to hospital and rehab. Mrs. Hart is still spry and sexy and he's pretty sure she's been cheating on him for years.
    He gets back home at the start of the outbreak.
    Though he isn't officially dying of anything, she signs him up for hospice care. She charms the hospice man and Mr. Hart suspects she'll have him kill her.
    The hospice man is happy to visit a person with a sound mind and serious time left for a change. He talks nicely to both of them as they tell stories from the series.
    At the end Mr. Hart makes him a generous offer if he'll kill Mrs. Hart. It ends with him considering the offer.

    NYPD Blue:
    In February 2020 Sipowics is terminally ill. One by one the surviving cast members pay him visits and reminisce. A couple big stars who joined the force after the series was canceled also visit. As the virus spreads through the city, the hospital is locked down, trapping that actor in the waiting room for weeks. One by one he learns of other cast members getting the virus. Jimmy Smits gets it worst and ends up in the same room as Sipowics. He dies first.

    Emergency Plus 4:
    Yes, that's the animated series from the late 70s, but they can present it in any form. Any cast member from Emergency can play a patient.
    All 4 kids became paramedics. When the corona virus breaks out, one retires. Another takes a leave of absence. The 2 that remain get very busy and one of them catches the virus. The one on a leave of absence and the retired one agonize over the situation and both decide to return to work.

    Baretta:
    Baretta is about to be released from prison after 25 years for paying hit men to kill his wife. A routine checkup reveals he has the corona virus. As he struggles with the symptoms his dreams repeat key episodes and the details of his murder plot.

    Alf:
    Yes, a new actor for Alf is needed. He's living with one of the daughters. She's been unable to sustain a relationship with him around. They hear of the corona virus and the cause of it. Since they eat cats where Alf comes from, he knows how to prevent the problem that started it and might have a cure. How can she explain that to the proper authorities?
     
  7. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    More songs adapted to the virus:
    Blue Bayou:
    I'm trapped inside all alone,
    Even afraid to use the phone,
    Can't even harvest the seeds I've sown,
    Cause of the Wuhan flu.
    I feel healthy as can be,
    But everyone says, "Don't touch me."
    No friends are around to see,
    Cause of the Wuhan flu.
    I'm going out today,
    Come what may,
    You Wuhan flu!
    Cause I'm feelin' fine,
    Gonna buy some wine,
    You Wuhan flu!
    I'm not afraid no more,
    Heading out my door.
    I need to have some fun.
    So don't you bother me.
    I'm living today free
    Til I am done!

    From a Distance:
    Social distance is hard to maintain,
    Because no one can count six feet.
    Since they said from all schools abstain,
    Our brains went in to retreat.
    Social distance is becoming one big pain.
    Can it really save a life?
    To keep social distance we must train,
    And practice with your wife.
    If God wants to kill us,
    If God wants to kill us,
    He'll veto social distance.
    God made the virus,
    God made the virus,
    And God even made social distance!

    If I had a Hammer:
    If I had the virus, I'd be telling ev'rybody
    To stay far away from me and not touch my hand.
    I'd call all my friends first, then the social network forum.
    I'd tell them we all should love one another, from every land.

    Oklahoma:
    Oh Corona is the virus spreading everywhere.
    You can get if from meat,
    If snake or rat you eat,
    Or just inhaling polluted air.
    It started in a distant eastern land,
    And went much further than anyone had planned.

    Trampoline:
    This quarantine
    Thanks to COVID 19
    Flying through the air,
    Catching people everywhere.
    Things keep getting worse.
    I think this is a curse.
    It just cost me a dear friend.
    Will this thing never end?
    They told us all to hide,
    Don't go out at all,
    Spend each day inside,
    Sometimes make a call.

    Tangerine:
    Quarantine is getting me down,
    Can't go nowhere cause they locked down the town.
    Quarantine makes me want to cry.
    This loneliness can make the stoics sigh.
    When will they end this quarantine?

    Breaking up is hard to Do:
    They say catching the germ is easy to do.
    Now I know, I know that it's true.
    We only had one night of passion in bed,
    And now they're telling me soon I might be dead.
     
  8. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    More songs:
    Old man River:
    COVID 19,
    That COVID 19,
    It keeps on killin'
    While the doctors' billin'
    COVID 19,
    That COVID 19,
    It just keeps killin' us all.

    It Ain't necessarily So:
    It ain't necessarily so.
    It ain't necessarily so.
    The things that they're saying
    About COVID 19
    Just ain't necessarily so.

    Survivor:
    I'm a survivor,
    COVID survivor.
    I had the illness, then I got better.
    I'm a survivor.
    I'm feeling fine now, Enjoying good weather.

    Lucky old Sun:
    My job is essential.
    I feel so special,
    But I'm tired and in pain,
    But my lucky old son has nothing to do but sit around the house all day.

    I got Rhythm:
    I got COVID.
    I got fever.
    I got cold sweats, and I can't take too much more.

    Sweet Georgia Brown:
    No illness ever infected me like COVID 19.
    No one germ could knock me down like COVID 19
    I wish this flu would go Away,
    Cause I can't stand this one more day.
    Please somebody put an end to COVID 19.

    Fever:
    Never thought I could get this sick, been in bed over a week.
    Feelin' like a guinea pig, while they all a remedy seek.
    I got the fever
    When he kissed me.
    At the time it was delight.
    Fever
    Burns all through me. I can't even sleep at night.
    I got the fever.

    Tenor: You're the one that I want:
    I got chills, coughs, diarrhea.
    I've lost all bowell control,
    Because of this germ they call corona,
    Might put me in a coma.

    Alto: You got to get well. We all want you to.
    We need you like never before.
    You got to get well from this corona flu.
    Send it packing, out the door.
    When you do I'll love you more.

    You have got to get well.
    Then things will be swell.
    Oh oh oh honey.
    You have got to get well.
    You've got to get well.
    I'll give all you need,
    when you're symptoms freed.

    Tenor: Now I feel some affection,
    And I'm starting to get strong.
    When will I shake off this infection?
    Won't be long!

    I've got to get well, cause they need me now, like no one needed me before.
    I've got to get well, and get back to work, as a husband, dad and more.
    From now on I leave my problems at the door!

    (Repeat chorus).
     
  9. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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  10. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    More tv shows corona episodes:

    My big fat Greek Wedding:
    The whole cast gathers for a huge party. They all get sick and die, except the grandfather, because Windex cures the corona virus.

    Happy Days:
    Fonzie, 86, is dying of VD. Richie, Potsie and Ralph go to the hospital to visit him and reminisce. Then the announcement comes that the whole hospital is in quarantine, so the men have to stay in the waiting room for 6 weeks telling stories.

    Quantum Leap:
    As you recall, the series ended with him meeting the entity that sent him around and he was taking a long rest. Now he gets back to work, with a series of jumps to prevent individuals from catching the virus.

    Taxi:
    Judd Hirsch is now a majority owner of the taxi company. When the virus breaks out, a government official starts inspecting the station and cabs. They find unsanitary conditions, tax evasion, illegal aliens and minimum wage violations. No one can bail him out of jail because the cops are scared, so he has to stay in the cell from the set of Barney Miller for 2 months.

    Family Matters:
    Despite his parkinson's, Michael is now the owner of a stock brokerage company. With Wall street shut down and the country in panic he goes on a buying spree designed to make him a billionaire fast. The crisis ends too soon for him and he has to settle for 800 million.

    Family Affair:
    Johnny Whitaker is now a missionary in Wuhan, China, having all manner of trouble with the government and prejudice. When the virus breaks out, he is the one who has to maintain order and put down riots.

    Good Times:
    J.J.'s wife throws him out after 35 years and after the lawyers redistribute his assets, he has to move back to an apartment much like the one he grew up in. With the city shut down he decides to become a community organizer.
     
  11. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    So far I've written 55 COVID songs, some to be sung by patients, some by survivors, some by people locked up or coping with confinement.
    Today it occurred to me that if the virus itself had a good solo, it might go away.
    So here it is. This doesn't perfectly fit the tune but it's derived from the saying on the Statue of Liberty:

    Give me your weak and sickly,
    Your most infirm elderly,
    The ones who are terminal already.
    I'll take them all away, so you'll live easily.

    For this one I had to get into character as a teenage girl singing to the virus To the tune of Kelly Clarkson's Because of you:

    Because of you I can't go to school or to senior prom.
    Because of you I can't celebrate graduation.
    Because of you nobody even wants to touch me.
    Because of you the world's gone mad!

    How many more of us will you terrorize?
    How many more of us must stay locked in?
    How many more of us are scared to talk to strangers?
    How much longer must this madness go on?

    I don't know why it took this long for me to think of At 17:

    We're all locked up in quarantine
    Because of that COVID 19.
    This virus, it affects us all,
    Men and women, short and tall.
    In quarantine we must remain.
    This has become a royal pain.
    These politicians with no brain
    Said, "Stay inside, Sun or rain.

    You can't blame us for some resistance
    To these commands of social distance.
    I'm bored of spending all day at home,
    Want to go to the bar, drink to the foam.
    This country we once thought was free
    Is treating us despicably.
    It's so obscene:
    This quarantine.
     
  12. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    Lines from Scrooge (various film versions) adapted to the COVID virus:

    If I had my way, everyone who says, "Beware the corona virus" would be strangled with his own mask.
    Did I ask for more time to give you the virus?
    This might be an undigested bit of bat gland.
    There's more craziness than corona in you.
    The minister's cat is a COVID cat.
    We can't always be infected.
    I'll go if a mask is provided.
    I wonder how he knew I had the corona virus.
    Is that bat still in the butcher shop?
    I am the ghost of corona virus present.
    Fear the virus, but mostly fear the panic.
    A touch of the corona virus mars the senses.
    You observe the virus your way and I'll observe it my way.
    We will have the corona virus.
    At this festive time of year we try to make some provision for the infected.
    You wish to remain in quarantine?
    He didn't die of COVID 19, did he?
    I'm always too soft on the corona patients.
    The corona virus leads to certain ends.
    I fear you more than all the other viruses.
    You squeeze your enemy with the bare hand.
    You owe me a stimulus check.
    She died from the corona virus.
    No more bat.
    I hate the virus and I don't care if the virus hates me.
    The corona virus isn't everything.
     
  13. FatBack

    FatBack Well-Known Member

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  14. LoneStarGal

    LoneStarGal Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Real life in Austin, TX. Wearing a face covering in public became mandatory on Tuesday, but surgical masks and N95 masks are prohibited.

    Not everyone knew that the grocer would not let them in "unmasked". Some shopper is used to bringing his own reusable shopping bags. He improvised.


    [​IMG]
     
  15. LoneStarGal

    LoneStarGal Well-Known Member Past Donor

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  16. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    I was very distracted at the end of yesterday's post and forgot the best line:
    Tight as the restrictions during the quarantine.

    Today's post is reworked lines from James Bond movies. They're not very funny, and in no sort of order, so the best thing to do is try to remember where the original lines came up. Make it a game if you have some friends who can guess too.

    You only get the corona virus twice, Mr. Bond.
    No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to catch the corona virus.
    I like a good virus as much as the next girl.
    I can't breathe Corona.
    The pandemic is over.
    Now I am the man with the golden mask.
    Let's just say, they were infected.
    The mask is still dry.
    See that some germ comes to him.
    You won't die from the first virus, or the second.
    What makes you think it's my first virus?
    It took him nearly a week to catch the virus.
    He's infected.
    We're issuing the virus to every agent in the field.
    We call it the COVID blaster.
    Oh Corona!
    What about the virus?
    Working on an old flu.
    Would you settle for a virus?
    She didn't infect me.
    New pandemic!
    Saved by the quarantine.
    He got the virus.
    I'm infected.
    Like I didn't have enough germs.
    She went down coughing.
    Is that the corona virus?
    He's tall and contagious.
    One more syllable and I'll infect you myself.
    A small virus from China.
    It's called COVID. It kills people.
    If you can get the virus.
    I think he got the virus.
    I'm in quarantine.
    No more virus.
    COVID 19, east of the Caspian.
    When you are quite infected.
    What about the corona virus?
    Isn't that a girl's virus?
    The pandemic is still with us.
    I lost my germs.
    He's the right age and infected.
    If you don't hurry, I'll be infected!
    Is he contagious?
    You ask that of a COVID patient?
    I can infect several.
    I'd have to be infected.
    I'm glad he's sick.
    It's only a virus, or if you prefer a flu.
    One of us has the virus. I'm afraid it's me.
    This virus will be sufficient.
    Damaged liver. It's the corona virus.
    No, social distance.
    The virus won't kill you.
    Do we look like we need the virus?
     
  17. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    I hope you're enjoying these jokes and songs and things. Some might complain that I'm insensitive to the dead, dying, sick, terrified, jobless, paranoid and endangered.
    I now know that I have been exposed to someone with the virus on almost every calendar day from March 20 through April 10.
    My employer, Fedex Ground, told us only about the first case in the building. That was Tuesday March 31. The person in question went to the doctor after work on Friday, March 27, so she had it from about March 20. My immediate supervisor was out with the virus April 3-16 and returned to work April 17. A truck driver got sick at some point before Monday April 6. Another co-worker, who was definitely within 6 feet of me late that week was diagnosed with the virus before April 13. A co-worker who sometimes works beside me for whole shifts was out 14 days, returning April 14 because his wife (employed at Target in Framingham, Massachusetts) had the virus.
    So the question is: which of the 58 songs I wrote so far applies to my situation?
    Song number one (Somewhere my Love) applies to all. So does number 2 (Call Me). I could sing number 7 (Imagine) if I thought the virus was as deadly as some say. I could sing number 9 (Live and let Die) but it overstates the situation. Anyone can sing number 10 (Goldfinger). I could sing number 13 (For your eyes Only) except the last line. Number 14 (Nobody does it Better) also just exaggerates a bit. Number 16 (Zip a dee do da) works for everyone. Everyone can sing number 18 (Mickey Mouse Club Theme). Number 25 (Life goes On) is true for all. Number 26 (All you need is Love) speaks for everyone I'm sure. The one that best describes my situation is perhaps number 28 (I wanna hold your Hand) because I want some physical interaction. Number 32 (On Broadway) is true for all. Number 36 (Old rugged Cross) fits all. Number 37 (Jingle Bells) fits my feelings best. So does number 38 (Here comes Peter Cottontail). Oklahoma is true for all. It ain't necessarily So also expresses my true feelings. So does number 51 (Lucky old Son).
    So now I need a song for those of us who have been repeatedly exposed. However that song was written 3000 years ago by King David of Israel. It's called Psalm 91:
    He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

    2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

    3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

    4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

    5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

    6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

    7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

    8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

    9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

    10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

    11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

    12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

    13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

    14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

    15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

    16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.



     
  18. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    So the first tune I can use for my relationship to COVID 19 came to me just now.
    Do you recall She was wading in the water?
    I was exposed on March 20, but I didn't get COVID.
    I was exposed on March 30, but I didn't get COVID.
    I was exposed on April 5 but I didn't get COVID.
    I was exposed on April 10, but I still don't have COVID yet.

    When will I get COVID virus?
    When will I get COVID virus?
    When will I get COVID virus,
    So I can sing a diff'rent song?
     
  19. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    Classic film sequel for COVID 19:
    China Syndrome:
    For the first half hour maybe they can get Bridget Fonda to play her aunt's character. It covers the rest of her career, talking about first the incident in the movie, then other real news events, plus awards, celebrity interactions and personal frustrations up to about 2004.
    Then Jane takes over. They fire her after she refuses to retire at 62. She tries to reason, hires a lawyer, goes to court but settles on a 5-year delay. At about the 45 minute mark she retires with a big party. Then she runs into Michael Douglas. His employer is not forcing him to retire, but he wants to retire soon. He's twice divorced by then. They have a hot sex scene (proving she can still do it, marry and tour the world after he retires. That's about minute 80.
    As the viewers start expecting the movie to end he gets sick. He begins to suspect the cancer was caused by a leak at the plant so long ago. He checks in to the hospital for a lengthy stay in February 2020. Then the hospital goes into quarantine so she can't visit him.
    She decides to reinvestigate the original situation and makes a freelance deal. First she visits the widow of jack Lemon's character. (She was not mentioned in the original because they were in a trial separation at the time. The actress should be famous. She could be the oldest available (Betty White, Angela Lansbury), seasoned but lively (Julie Andrews, Raquel Welch) or a trophy wife at the time (Victoria Principal, Suzanne Summers). She tells that Jack was a very different man when she met him, but his personality changed after he went to China as part of a business deal for the plant. They thought it was just cheap products, but it was something else too. They were working on a bacteria that could eat radiation (to protect workers). Further research connects that research with COVID 19. It ends abruptly without giving answers but she wins a Pulitzer Prize.

    Classic tv show returns for COVID 19 episode:
    The Dick Van Dyke Show:
    Rob Petrie and Alan Brady are both in the New Rochelle Nursing Home. Most other patients and some staff get COVID. They tell jokes from the series and they all laugh themselves to health.
     
  20. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    SAT comparisons:
    COVID flu is to regular flu as:
    For geographers:
    As the Himalayas are to the Adirondacks.
    For baseball fans:
    As the 1927 Yankees are to the 1969 Mets.
    For hockey fans:
    As Scotty Bowman is to Billy Reay.
    For basketball fans:
    As the 1960s Celtics are to the 1970s Celtics.
    For football fans:
    As Lombardi's Packers are to Bud Grant's Vikings.
    For world historians:
    As Genghis Khan is to Otto Von Bismarck.
    For experts on US electoral history:
    As Franklin Delano Roosevelt is to Benjamin Harrison.
    For boxing fans:
    As Rocky Marciano is to Jerry Quarry.
    For golf fans:
    As Jack Niklaus is to Gene Littler.
    For hurricane enthusiasts:
    As Katrina is to Bob.
    For computer historians:
    As Bill Gates is to An Wang.
    For religion experts:
    As Martin Luther is to Emanuel Swedenborg.
     
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  21. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    I'll wait until I have more time to discuss the Time 100 most influential (or is it influenzal) list, but one of Joel Stein's pathetic jokes in the only item not from the list makes sense here.
    He was predicting the list for 2018, presupposing the death of Queen Elizabeth and overthrow of King Donald, then suggested Frederick Douglass might make the list because he's been growing in fame lately.
    That's from a Donald Trump quote someone pointed out leads us to believe Trump think Douglass is a living writer.
    I suppose no reporter ever thought to ask him. It would be unkind to make him look like a fool and if he said,
    "Do you know who Frederick Douglass was" he'd give away the surprise gotcha. If he said "is" we'd think he was the idiot even if Trump revealed he's not sure.
     
  22. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    In case you're wondering, that was my Facebook post from 3 years ago today. I cracked up with "influenzal" having long since forgotten. Do they have a list this year? The last 3 years I made jokes about all 100 and one of those years I had to do it at the library within 2 hours.

    More corona virus songs:
    A Summer Place:

    They said, "Shelter in place.
    Don't go outside.
    Don't drink Tide.
    Just stay in the same place.
    Don't go anywhere.
    Have a care.
    Don't spread the disease."

    Then it was cold,
    But now I'm bold.
    I think I'll go outside today.

    Yes I will.
    Yes I will.
    I've had it with "shelter in place."

    Your moving out Today:

    In March you were homeless. I took you in.
    Next thing the Gov'nor started that quarentin'.
    I can't believe it but it's been a year since then.

    The government gave you a lot of dough.
    My work's essential; can't rest: no no no!
    So you will be ok after I tell you, "Go!"

    You know I've had it with your messy ways.
    I like cats too, but you've got 20 strays!
    Who thought this quarantine would last 300 days?

    La la la la la la la la
    La la la la la la la la
    La la la la la la la laaaaa.

    The reason I'm singing is because this quarantine is finally over.
    It's time to go out again and start life over.
    You're stinky as Oscar, or is it Grover/

    Georgia on my Mind:

    Georgia, Georgia, thank you for what you do.
    You're the first brave state to open up, see what you find.

    I said Georgia, Georgia, we're so proud of you.
    So proud of you.
    You all want good haircuts,
    And death is nothin' new.

    But when arms reach out to you,
    You know what to do.
    Don't touch anyone til the spring is through.
    'Til the spring is through.

    Don't go breaking my Heart:

    Don't give me the virus.
    I couldn't if I tried.
    Remember your old aunt Sally got the virus and died.

    Don't give me the virus.
    Stay far away from me.
    And wipe the toilet seat honey, even if you just pee.

    Nobody knows it. I lost another loved one,
    More before this is done
    Nobody knows it. I had the flu,
    Knew just what to do:
    Stay in bed, far from you.
    Stay in bed, far from you.
     
  23. Phil

    Phil Well-Known Member

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    More old tv shows return for corona virus episode:
    This is the final episode of Petticoat Junction, back for the corona virus:
    It's 2020. 2 of the daughters run the Shady Rest. The baby boy from the last season is lazier than uncle Joe ever was with none of the charm, but he's there. The train still comes through with freight twice a day.
    When the Governor shuts down everything for the corona virus the grandson of Homer Bedloe uses his influence to keep extending the reopening until the girls have no choice but to sell. He also buys the railroad and shuts it down. He buys Green Acres Farm too (now owned by a member of the Haney family). In the last scene we see his plan to build a massive mall-casino complex and turn the Shady Rest into a brothel. He gloats, mocking a portrait of his grandfather and railroad President Norman Curtis.

    Dynasty:
    I didn't watch the show and I know someone shot up the cast at a wedding, but I think Joan Collins and Linda Evans both survived. If not, make that a dream and retrofit.
    Collins is senile in a nursing home. she thinks the staff members are old cast members and restates her lines from classic episodes. Evans comes by twice a week to mock her, making the staff unhappy too. Evans gloats about it to surviving cast members. Then Evans catches the corona virus. As she dies her life flashes before her eyes, especially clips from series episodes. When the staff learns of her death, they tell Collins once an hour and she rejoices in character.

    Melrose Place:
    I never watched that either but I know they live in a subdivision. Everyone in the subdivision gets the virus and they reveal all the secrets from the series onwards.

    Silk Stalkings:
    With the quarantine in effect, many cops sick, a person decides to start a string of killings, confident no cop will devote enough time to the case to catch him. He's right and the death count rises. The original female detective, Mitzy Kapture, is dying of cancer, so she's not afraid to come out of retirement and solve the case.

    Unfortunately there is an old series that would be relevant now but can't be updated. Neil Simon died last year, so we'll never know how The Odd Couple would deal with this crisis.
     
  24. James California

    James California Well-Known Member Past Donor

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  25. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    Just when you thought things were about to get normal

    upload_2020-5-7_11-10-17.png
     

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