Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Apr 14, 2020.

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  1. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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  2. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Joe's leftovers ...

    [​IMG]
     
  3. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Corn pop was gay?!?! :shock:
     
  4. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I've just been listening to some Gary Glitter songs.
    .
    .
    .
    There's many a good tune played by an old fiddler.
     
  5. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  6. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    On a serious note, if anybody knows of any lonely people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can the let me know?
    I need to borrow some chairs
     
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  7. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    So i have been married to a somewhat prickly woman when she's either hungry, or tired. However, i love her for who she is, and i have been able to persevere through all of it.
    One day, she asked me how i calm my mind and face her with dignity, compassion and love as a husband.

    I answered, "i always clean the toilet when i am emotionally disturbed."

    "But how is cleaning the toilet calms your mind?" She asked.

    "I use your toothbrush. "
     
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  8. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    What do you call a hungry Mexican horse?
    No-hay josè
     
  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  10. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage...
    when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
    The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
    The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
    "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
    "Tiger Woods."
    "Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
    "Yeah."
    "Well, he is rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
    The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
    "What are you doing?" asks the wife.
    The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
    "Tiger wouldn't do that."
    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
    "He would come back to bed and do it a second time."
    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
    "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
    The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
    "Tiger wouldn't do that."
    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
    "He would come back to bed and do it again."
    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
    The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
    "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
     
  11. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Kirkland Nutra Nuggets dog chow
    for my loyal pet, Brista, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

    The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a$$ and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
     
  12. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    2472F89C-7B11-4AA2-B373-A2B993B788CF.jpeg Excerpt from a book. I thought it was funny.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2020
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  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  16. Moi621

    Moi621 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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  17. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  18. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A guy goes to the doctor.

    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

    "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

    "Is it common?"

    "It's not unusual."
     
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  19. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."

    With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

    The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

    "It's swollen" said Bob.
     
  20. BuckyBadger

    BuckyBadger Well-Known Member

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  21. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    The team in South Korea’s K soccer league was fined $81, 454.45 (100 million won) for using life-size sex dolls to help fill some of the empty seats at Seoul World Cup Stadium over the weekend.

    [​IMG]


    Da' bitches need to be on the street earnin' fo me. :evil:
     
  22. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    ... and then in June ...
     
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  23. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    "Bob?" Really? Bob? That's absolutely the last time I sext with you. :evil:
     
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  24. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    The Mexican body builder that ran out of protein powder thought to himself, "no whey Jose."
     
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  25. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, for realz! WTF would be thankful for being relocated to the UK? :cynic::roflol::roflol:
     
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