Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

I recently joined a Facebook group that rescues strays.

Do you think I should post about how we deal with strays here?

 

Haha

 

Is it the same way that careless drivers are managed?

 

Sort of but charcoal grills are involved with strays.

 

Just noticed the hair- haha

 

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air. "Hold on a minute!" said the Pope, “You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!". "This is my lottery win", said the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for the rest of my life with these photos!" So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000. The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?" Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, "Two million Dollars.." "TWO MILLION Dollars!" replied the housekeeper, "Wow! They must have seen you coming!"

 

They used to call me "the virgin" until last night's party
Now they call me "Drunky McShitpants"

 

Last night I was returning from a party. I was high and saw there was a Police checking. Was scared at that very moment but then immediately got down from the driving seat and sat on the back seat.
After few mins. an officer came and asked me to move my car ahead for alcohol test.

I said: "My driver ran away seeing you."

He said: "Then you move your car ahead for the checking."

I said: "No sir, as a true citizen I should not drive, drunk."

Officer looked at me, got emotional and applauded me for my responsible behaviour..
He sent one constable with me to drive my car home.

Sometimes you become genius after drinking

 

An old friend of mine actually did something similar to that.
He was driving a lorry for a circus with an elephant in a trailer behind.
He didn't have the full license for the size of vehicle he was driving so when the elephant smashed through the side of the trailer and escaped when he was stuck in traffic he moved over to the passenger seat and when the cops turned up he told them that the driver had gone off in pursuit of the elephant. He got away with it and the elephant was retrieved by another member of the troupe.
True story.

 

That is an incredible story! Don’t let elephants get bored!

 

He had an even better story about a vet giving the elephant a suppository, the elephant took offense and bolted off down the field with the vet still hanging shoulder-deep out of its arse.
Makes me laugh every time I picture that in my head...

 

Yeah but the skid marks stay in the underwear. THAT'S why you wear a mask.

 

I told you Sally, you were doing it wrong.

 

But I’m not Chinese.

 

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful,naked blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a naked brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.

“What is your last request?”
The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse….ALONE.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:
“Listen very carefully, you fcuking dickhead, for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!”

 

The parts that still escape can infect another.
Even the N95 mask touted is called that because it only stops 95% of the virus particles.
Now imaging a bandana, stops less than 1%.