Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Apr 14, 2020.

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  1. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A man was pressured by his parents to attend a formal gathering...
    Everything was going fairly well. He was largely being ignored, which was for the best so he avoided saying anything to embarrass himself.
    Unfortunately, he had been holding in a nearly full bladder full a while and it could not wait until the end of the party. he had no choice but to walk up to one of the other attendees.

    "Hey. Name's Bob. Can you tell me where the bathroom is at?"

    The man he approached was appalled by his greeting. "Oh! How preposterous!" He proceeded to lecture him. "Your mannerisms are unacceptable! You must always greet people firmly and formally with a proper word; not casual slang. Your name has to be shared properly as it appears on your birth certificate; no shortenings. Lastly, never end your sentences with prepositions!" He extends his hand for a handshake, "now, how about we start that again?"

    Bob was hiding the fact he very annoyed as he began to shake his hand. "Hello. My name is Robert. Can you tell me where the bathroom is at, *******?"
     
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  2. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...
    If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

    The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

    However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

    On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other.

    The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

    The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

    Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

    The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

    The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

    The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

    With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever.

    The Jews could stay in Italy!

    Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

    The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!"

    Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.

    "I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said.

    "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here."

    "And then what?" asked a woman.

    "Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!"
     
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  3. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  4. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Erotic? You have issues. You still haven't explained how you're still alive. We know now not to worry about you procreating.
     
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  5. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    If you don't believe in horses does that make you a neightheist?
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
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  6. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Amazing.
     
  7. Well Bonded

    Well Bonded Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Actually pathetic.
     
  8. Mrs. SEAL

    Mrs. SEAL Well-Known Member

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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  10. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  11. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    That someone paid money for it?
     
  12. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    At the beginning of COVID 19, there was a man.
    He was told to wash his hands for 20 seconds at a time. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
    He was told he should be wearing a mask to protect others. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
    He was told he should socially distance. He went to church anyway and said God would protect him and the believers.
    The grocery store gave him guidelines as to which direction he should be walking down aisles. He didn’t follow them and said God would protect him and the believers.
    His mom died two weeks later from complications due to COVID 19.
    As he started to have a sore throat and a fever, he mourned.
    He died a week later.
    As he arrived at the Pearly Gates, he was met by God. He asked, “God, why did you take my Mom away and end my life so early? I was a believer and so was she.”
    God said, “I sent Angels to you that told you to wash your ****ing hands, wear a ****ing mask, don’t gather in large ****ing groups and follow the ****ing directions of those who were trying to keep you safe. You chose not to ****ing listen!”
     
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  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  14. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    ...yet Prince Andrew, Trump and Bill Clinton still walk free.
     
  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Trump banned Epstein from his golf course for making passes at the girls.

    Clinton traveled 26 times to his island with Maxwell on many of those flights but whatever makes you happy.
     
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  16. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  17. ToddWB

    ToddWB Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What ever makes them happy is probably evil.
     
  18. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    So the best you have is a tweet from some crazy? That's really the best you can do? Why don't you just double down again using another tweet from a nobody as actual facts?

    The echo chamber that is this site will high five you every step of the way.
     
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  20. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  21. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm not getting into this in this thread I posted my meme in the wrong tab my bad, too many tabs open is my excuse.

    But tasteless humor should remain bipartisan.

    Have a non political meme instead
    [​IMG]
     
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  22. Well Bonded

    Well Bonded Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I guess you don't get out that much or you wold understand things like this are very common and mean nothing as to actual association with anyone.
     
  23. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    My local pub opened at 6am today.

    Just drove passed it's packed out, so much for Covid lol.

    Live on the edge of the area they relocked down so doesn't effect me but not going pub until things calm down and only then if it's a nice day so can sit in the garden.
     
  24. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Wise.
     
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  25. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    I think it's over hyped and yet I still treat it more seriously than my friends who take it deadly serious unless it's convenient not to.

    It's a weird world we live in.
     
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