Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Hope Boris doesn’t hold his breath waiting. How many Britons have died?

 

No where near as many as are going to die because of the protests but that's an inconvenient truth that the media will ignore.

When you're complicit ignorance is your best defense.

 

Going to die? Psychic?

 

You know what I don't like about cats? You come home home from work tired and sore, the arthritis in your hand and feet fully engaged and the cat gets up from it's day long nap, just in case you have food, circles your ankles twice to be sure it has your attention and then stretches, from its head and outstretched legs to its tail even extending and retracting it's claws. It's as if it's saying "I had a wonderful day and feel great! Don't you wish you were me?!" Just rub it in why don't ya.

 

An old Russian Communist is on his deathbed.
His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,

"Vasya, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me."

"Oh, no worries buddy." says Vasya.

The Communist then turns to another friend.

"Petya, remember being sentenced in 1937 to 25 years in the gulag? Well, it was me who went to the NKVD. Please forgive me."

"No hard feelings, my friend. You are forgiven" says Petya.

"Misha, I must confess to you that I had you sent to the penal battalion in 1942. I am terribly sorry about that day."

"Please my friend, we all forgive you. You may go in peace" says Misha.

"Thank you so much guys for being with me throughout all these years" says the old communist with a tear streaming down his face. "I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you. I never knew you loved me that much despite me being a stool pigeon."

His friends are visibly touched by his words. Finally, gathers his last strength and says.

"And in honor of our deep friendship I want you to fulfill my last wish. See that cactus plant on the windowsill? As soon as I die, I want you to take it and shove it up my ass."

Just as his friends were about to say something, the old communist took his last breath and died.

So Petya rushes to the window, takes the cactus plant off and together they shove it up their dead friend's butt. Suddenly, the friends hear a loud banging on the door followed by a gruff voice shouting:

"Open up, it's the police. We've received information that an old Bolshevik has been tortured to death."

 

I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets”.

 

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’

 

TT.

 

No nursing home for me. I'll be checking into a Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for nursing home care being $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble .
I've already checked on reservations at
The Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours
In the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry,
Gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up
(if you fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of
The nice restaurants there.
While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.
Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii ? They have Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . . .
Or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini vacation.

The grand-kids can use the pool.
What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age,
I'll face it with a grin.
AIDS WARNING!

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV
(Hair is Vanishing)

 

When I was a young boy my mum used to send me down the corner shop with a pound and I’d come back with a bag of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 4 pints of milk, a box of tea and half a dozen eggs. You can’t do that now
.
.
.
Too many security cameras