I'd never heard the song expression 'family annihilators' before this but it is apt. Can a religion give you that sort of stoicism? Lindy Chamberlain was like that and was seen as uncaring. Do we expect people to dissolve and collapse before their grief seems real? I can't understand why a grandfather could annihilate a family, because he thought that the death of another of his sons would be too much for a sibling to cope with. As you said.