A Shrine to my most beloved grandmother.

*sigh* I never expected to have to make this post. Not now, not ever.(Well, life technically has an expiration date but I was hoping this would be 5-10 years from now. Not now. Not at a pivotal point in my life with a deadly disease walking around the earth.)

So this is a shrine to the woman who took care of me for 28 years. The woman who gave me her undying affection and care. And this is my tribute to her and everything she's done for me.

Her name was Verena Brown, 65 years of age(but she would have been 66 if she had made it to June.). She was born in Hamburg, Germany. She came to America around the age of 12 or so and she pursued the passions of art and dancing. Eventually she landed a consistent job as a UPS Broker, where she worked for over a decade.

There isn't a kinder, sweeter and more gentle soul on this earth than my grandmother, who was my de-facto mother for 28 years. The complicated family history that led to those decisions don't even matter now. All that matters is that she was there, she was always with a smile on her face. Even after an argument we'd have, we would quickly bounce back from it. In part because she wasn't the type to be angry for long, and neither was I.

She was the one who cooked my meals, and yes even did the laundry for me on more than one occasion. Now I have to step up to the plate and do those things. I'm not...overly confident in my ability to do so.

But I must remain strong in spirit, because that's how she would've wanted me to be. She wouldn't have wanted me to be sad for the rest of my life. She would've wanted me to take this day or two to let it sink it, let out my yells of sorrow(which I did) and then she would've wanted to see me live my life with the vigor and gusto that I claimed I would, when I would have my own home and a woman that can be my soulmate.

I wanted her to see all of that. A wedding, me in a tuxedo. I wanted her to see me as a grown man. And I'm sure she'll be watching from heaven, but that's not quite the same.

Life for me, won't be the same.

My life will be about being the living testament of my grandmother's love, her kindness and her empathy. My life will be about the ability to make a difference.

For now, I can't really engage in our political battles. My heart is with my grandmother and my mind is wrapping around a different reality where I want her kindness to be reflected in everything that I do.

If you've got children, hug and kiss them and tell them how much you love them(if you can.) Same thing for your significant others. Especially them. Face-time your aunts, uncles and nieces. You don't know what'll happen until it happens. You don't know what's gone, until it's gone.

The losses and mourning of the world are now my own. The pain that I normally comment on, and give my political thoughts on(from the narcissist point of view that I would *never ever* be in said situation yet would have the ability to judge it. LOL) is shared with everyone.

I love each and every member on this forum. I love each and every person I've ever come into contact with. May God bless every person's soul, and may we find a way out of these incredibly dark times.

I love you, Verena Brown.
6/12/1954-4/3/2020

 

• I'm truly sorry for your loss. Just remember how fortunate you are to have all the fond memories of your lives together. Not every one is as lucky.

 

Heartfelt sympathy. Beautiful tribute to your grandmother. She was obviously a very special lady. May she rest in peace.

 

Thanks to the both of you. You're right, those memories will last for a lifetime. And my grandmother truly loved pink roses, it must've been a God inspired moment that you chose those particular roses.(typically, I'm agnostic, but I do believe in the Big Man(or woman) above.)

I also believe she's watching over me, even now. Guiding me to become the best person I can be. I'll even name some sort of charity in her honor(once I of course get the funds/connections to make a charity or maybe donate to a charity in her name.)

 

condolences for your loss.

 

Thanks so much, it means a lot to me .

 

I'm really sorry, people as important to you as your grandmother create a big hole in your life when they leave

 

They really do, and now I feel the hole in my heart and the responsibility(as I said in the Shrine post) to live up to everything my grandmother would've wanted me to be. A success in this world.

 

She left you with wonderful memories and those memories will help you heal. You are so blessed to have had such a wonderful lady in your life.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman.

 

Sorry for your loss, A.N.

 

Thanks to the both of you from all of my heart. The loving support has really been huge for me at a time of profound sadness.

 

Words fall short, and I'm not good at them, but know you're in my thoughts and my heart is breaking with you. Her spirit of love will shine through you.

 

What a beautifully written tribute. You honor her well.

My thoughts are with you right now. You have my most sincere condolences. It came at you at a wretched time.

Those never ending political fights will be here when you are ready.

Be kind to yourself.

 

Thanks to the both of you, and you're especially right about the 'being kind to myself' part, as you can imagine I've been beating myself up over her death. Including learning that I may have done CPR wrong.(I was instructed to do chest compressions, but I either didn't hear or wasn't told to hold her nose and do that breath thing.) My crucial ignorance about that, stings my heart dearly.

 

Thanks for the beautiful picture AJ, it means a lot to me. And soon, I'll post some pictures of my beloved grandmother to add to the shrine.

 

I feel for you.

I would like to say more, but it hits too close to home for me.

Because recently, I lost my Beloved Mother.

I hope all is well for you in this moment of grief. Thinking of you.

 

These pictures are about a decade old, but I wanted to capture the essence of my grandmother. The first picture, was with her other grandkids(from her marriage), we were staying at a Marriott. I don't quite recall the other picture(I'm taking things off facebook) but it looks like a work picture.

My grandma was professional about her job. She hated it, but it paid the bills and kept the house nice and secure. That was her #1 goal and she accomplished it. I want her to know, that I'm going to continue her kindness, her sweetness.

 

My heart continues to go out to you. We can talk anytime you want.

 

Very sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences.

 

I am so sorry to hear this. You have my deepest condolences. You have written a wonderful tribute, which I am sure would make your grandmother proud. Take as much time as you need to heal.

 

Very sad news AN. Taken way too soon. The only advice I have to offer is to grieve in your own way & your own time, but don't let the grief define you. Your grandmother will never truly leave you. Cherish the time you had and try to be the person she would have wanted you to be.

Best of luck with everything.

 

Remember, also, that your presence gave purpose to her life. Having someone to love and care for is also a gift.
Sorry for the pain you are going through now. It is part of this passage through life and we all face it at some time, and so we share it with you.

 

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. She was a loved and loving person. My sympathy for you in this sad time.

 

Everyone. I can feel your heartfelt warmth and love, and your kind words and it touches me so much and in such a profound way. Especially considering for quite a few of us, we were on opposite ends of political topics. This goes to prove the ultimate truism: We all bleed red, we all have the same hopes and dreams even if we go about them in slightly(or sometimes major) divergences.

Honestly, as the ultra competitive and sort of me first person that I was, I was frustrated at times with my grandmother's giving attitude. But it feels like in her wake, I'm starting to understand and see the world from her perspective and it's a truly beautiful thing.