Who would hurt anyone?.....Tell me. I will defend you my little twinkles. And then we'll go gator hunting together. How's that sound?.
1. There is a fine line between "bullying" and "toughening" and knowing the difference makes all the difference. Bullying produces neurotic, passive-aggressive cowards who won't stick up for themselves. Toughening produces a strong personality that recognizes that life is a series of conflicts and resolutions, and that it is therefore necessary to fight back. 2. Bullying and violence are not necessarily the same. That much is readily observable in the adult workplace where bullying takes place all the time with no actual violence, and usually against the same personalities that were bullied as children but never developed the inner strength necessary for self-assertion and self-defense. 3. I do not believe that bullying is a "social norm" as much as it is an innate expression of the primal instinct of aggression. There will always be bullying as long as people are people. Of course, human civilization is possible only through maintaining the supremacy of reason and the "better angels of our nature over the lesser." Controlling our aggression is what separates us from the beasts.
The big problem is in the way we deal with bullying. I saw a number of people point out the alpha male thing. The guy who bullies all others becomes the strongest and thus the most attractive and physically fit to boot. So schoolyard scuffles are beneficial to individuals and the species. However in our current society there is no room for the victim to fight back, so in the end the bully maintains his alpha status because he cannot be challenged. This causes depression, anxiety, etc in his victims and leads to the negative consequences (suicide). Unfortunately this also translates into the adult world too. I bet all of us at some time have had to deal with being scammed by a coworker or employer and been completely unable to protect ourselves. So I voted that it is harmful over all for this very reason, at least in our current society. I had to skip a few pages so I hope I didn't repeat what anyone said...
I was working with a mate I know sometime ago and we had the radio on as we worked. The topic being discussed on the radio was bullying. My mate said, "There's no such thing as bullies, just weak people". That has always stuck in my head ever since.
Lets just take your logic to its logical conclusion.....Parents of the bullied child should be allowed on school grounds to publicly beat the bully and humiliate him/her on demand, with administrator permission of course. Maybe using the auditorium and having an assembly.
I did not let my school bully get away with bullying me. Every time he did so, I reported his ass to my teachers and parents. He even chased me once and I ran straight for the principal's office. Eventually he was suspended and stopped bullying me after that. Eventually for reasons other than bullying me he was expelled.
I believe that it is harmful and is not just a "right of passage". We've seen more and more news stories about kids brandishing weapons and killing people because they were outcast. This is not to say that EVERY bullied child become a mass murderer, but it' clearly is NOT harmless. I also believe that bullying doesn't stop in elementary and high schools. People are often bullied in their jobs, at church (yes, it happens if someone doesn't think you are doing the right thing by their standards) and, sometimes, even in one's own home. It is a problem. I live near a senior living building and there are cases of bullying there. As stated above, I believe it's a very real problem and we should do all we can to protect people being bullied. It doesn't mean they are weak or stupid or wrong. It just means they are being targeted for whatever reason(s) the bully chooses. I believe we could combat the number of suicides and homicides if bulling was taken serious and properly addressed swiftly and appropriately. I do not believe it's a matter of two choices. Social norms are just that and they can be unlearned. Instead of focusing on blaming the victim, we should be providing the level of support they need to respond to and overcome the problem in such a way that is validating. It is sad how many people in positions to do something about it basically blame the victim. The status quo is NOT working. Bullying is a form of violence. There is no lower limit on when bullying should be tolerated. As with adult abusers, it won't stop until it's confronted. And, it needs to be addressed quickly and appropriately to ensure that ALL bullied children can feel safe. As stated above, I do NOT believe bullying should be anywhere near accepted as a social norm. Yes, children will disagree and some will not like us, but bullying is taking it to another unacceptable level. No child should go hungry at lunch time because a bully took their money. No child should be afraid to go to school. No child should feel hopeless about their lives and futures. No child should feel afraid to attend school social events because of bullying. No child deserves to be mistreated over and over and over again while adults look away. It's a problem. It needs to be acknowledged and addressed. Ignoring the problem is a secondary neglect which often makes the target feel "bad" for being mistreated and sometimes abused. Nobody deserves that.
Bullies are cowards. They like to hurt and humiliate people, but they avoid fair fights. There is no distinction in bullying a boy who has no chance of fighting back and winning.
I am glad you responded that way. There are fathers who tell their sons to stand up to bullies. That only works if the sons can defeat the bullies in fist fights. Most cannot.
