I will expound later but I first wanted to start off with a simple question. Men when you pass by a woman at night and she is alone, or in an elevator(and it's just both of you) have you ever been able to sense fear, if so do you back up a few steps? Like I said I'll expound later...
I usually can't sense fear, so I have to grab a boob first. If she freaks out, then I know she is afraid.
I wouldn't say often, but it has happened. It's also happened with another man too. With a man it's easy to smile and say are you OK? Is everything all right, and that typically is the end of it, they realize you are not a threat. With a woman it's just plain uncomfortable and makes me uneasy too. I wouldn't want to do anything that could later be contsrued as threatening.
I don't know. I've been in situations where I've suspected the woman was nervous about my presence but given that regardless of how she actually feels, walking up and whispering "Do I make you nervous?" is unlikely to improve the situation, I could well have been mistaken. I'm not convinced I look like much of a threat to be honest and have probably been nervous of many more strangers myself than there are strangers I've made nervous.
Its been my long standing tradition to squelch any and all perceived fears of the young/old lady by using my dry sense of humor to lighten the obvious uneasiness of the situation. I'll explain later during happy hour.
I don't believe in "mind reading". Absent some actual evidence I don't guess at what someone else is feeling. I am aware of certain situations that might cause anxiety in women or in men and will take some action to reduce the anxiety such as a pleasant, "Good evening". You are responsible for what you are feeling.
When that happens, I usually give her a business card from my carate class, and my UFO abduction insurance agent business card.
and that's usually all that's needed. we all rely on signals from other people to know how to act, some are subtle, some are overt... I sometimes go for walks on a wooded trail near my job, alone or in a group...the only times I have felt nervous is when the man/men weren't doing what you would 'normally' see on a wooded trail...for example a group of teen boys one day standing silent in the middle of the trail..or a man walking in the trees instead of on the trail itself... most men will make eye contact, nod and/or say a greeting of some sort 'hi, good morning, etc' so basically, if you are behaving in a 'normal' manner and not focusing on her, you don't generally make her nervous. I agree that we are all responsible for our own feelings but it is a kind thing to be considerate of other people's feelings if it doesnt' require that much of you...and how much does a nod and casual greeting cost?
Yes. I am 46 y/o 6'4" at 210 Lbs with long hair and a goatee... I look like an aging Rocker. I am a sweetheart and very respectful of women, but because of my size and long hair... I have sensed a trepidation in women at times. Say for example, the apartment where I live is a 6 story building with the laundry in a well lit but often vacant basement. I have walked into the laundry room on more than one occasion while a solitary woman was in there just to be givin a look of a deer caught in the headlights while trying to suppress their fight or flight feeling. Back when I was dating, almost every woman I met told me at least one horror story of abuse by the hand of a man. So I chalk it up to that. Women have nothing to fear from me, but I also believe that they should be cautious with good cause.
If I do sense some trepidation on the part of the woman, I try my best to just go on about my business so as not to really scare her. You never know, she could be armed.
