Do we choose to be offended?

In another thread I was treated to a bland assurance in the affirmative, which caused me to flash back to an incident decades ago involving a congressman who had been caught in a sexual impropriety, which he explained as an "error in judgment". I remember envisioning this guy leaning back in an overstuffed chair and judiciously stroking his chin as he calmly deliberated on the question of whether or not to have a sexual encounter with a page boy.

I submit the idea that anyone chooses to be offended is every bit as ridiculous. To see why, let's consider two scenarios:

1. A conservatively dressed woman walking down the street and minding her own business is accosted by a male who favors her with a lecherous leer and a declaration that she's probably great in bed.

2. A young student, in response to some question from the teacher, declares that Ben Franklin invented electricity, and the rest of the class erupts in laughter.

Now in the first case, taking offense will initially manifest itself, to the woman's perception, as visceral disgust, and in the second, to the student's perception, as embarrassment. Perhaps either can let the initial reaction pass; but if not, surely taking offense is a matter of compulsion rather than choice in either case.

Objections?

 

I would agree that it's a choice. The problem isn't the truth, but rather a person thinks of the truth. If a person made a mistake, they can be angry about it, but the truth remains that they committed it. That being said, if we choose to be offended, does it serve a purpose? If a person made a mistake, they feel angry. That anger emerged from somewhere, finding out where can help a person out. It explains why a person felt angry and what should change the next time he makes a mistake.

 

I think I agree. A person can intend to offend, they can intentionally offer offense. But it's up to the person on the receiving end to either accept that offense (to take offense) or to simply dismiss it. And you can choose to take offense, even when there was no intention of it being offered.




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we also choose who we associate with based on this criteria. I have no offensive friends.

 

Another thread attempting to place the blame for bigotry on the victim......really?

 

Being offended at something is a matter of choice. It is nothing more, just as it is without any intrinsic value.

So you have been offended by the actions or words of another, and you feel it is disrespectful either to you as an individual, or to your race/class/gender/selected group. So what? Why should anyone care if you feel disrespected by others? What makes your emotional state of any validity to anyone else?

 

Here we have a respondent who doesn't understand the OP and probably didn't even bother to read it, and has thus taken offense on no basis whatsoever. Most conservatives, I suppose, would say he has chosen to take offense; but I'll bet not one of them will even stop to question why anyone would choose to so degrade himself.

Thanks for nothing.

 

Or is it that you choose to be "offended" by free speech you dont agree with. Yeah thats it!!!!!

 

II'm pretty hard to offend but have been in a couple physical altercations because the offender's motive and intent were specifically to cause offense and provoke a reaction.

 

That feeling offended was absolutely a choice. I've known some gals that would have thought they were being paid a compliment. All a matter of perception. No absolutes there.

You're confusing taking offense with feeling embarrassed.

Nope, taking offense is more a sign of a weak mind. It's the person with self-confidence and and sense of humor that escapes unscathed.

If - truly "IF" a person cannot choose being offended, that person is weak indeed.

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Although you and I disagree on some things - you nailed this one. Good post.

 

Only because they're stupid - which isn't a choice either.

No, I'm not.

Which contradicts nothing I said, obviously.

 

It's an interesting point of view to say the least. I think there are definitely environmental factors, learned behavior, and biological factors in being offended. I'll start with the biological. There are some kids growing up that are just plain aggressive and have issues with aggression. Environmental factors are say being a staunch conservative in San Francisco or a staunch liberal in the middle of Kansas. Learned behavior could be religion or lack of religion being taught. Now add all three together in an extreme way and you may have an issue where being offended is not a choice at the time of offense.

Did what I say make sense?

 

It contradicts everything you said.

 

I think what you're saying is people can have a learned, reflexive reaction to certain input. And that someone else can (intentionally or otherwise) trigger that reflex. That the person who demonstrates that reflex was therefore caused to react. They were offended regardless of their choice.

It's a reasonable argument. I still disagree with the underlying assertion that we're not responsible for choosing to take offense. I suggest that although someone can trigger that reflex in us, we're responsible for how we interpret it and any actions or words we offer in response. Someone can say something that triggers a reflexive emotion, but in choosing to cling to the emotion or move past it we are choosing to take offense or decline it.

Someone might call me a name that triggers a gut reaction from me, but if I stop and consider the situation I might realize no offense was intended and choose not to take any. In contrast, someone might say something that at the time didn't register to me as an insult. But after further discussion I might realize he was intending insult with those words, and at that point take offense and grow angry.



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did any harm befall anybody ever called the nword? a gay ever get harmed by being called a f-word?


I quit worrying about getting called a carrot top a long time ago, and a ginger has never bothered me as it came along much later.

 

Yes, that is correct in what I was trying to say.

In the bold you mentioned two distinct things. In the first I don't think being offended is solely a choice, but I do believe we do have a choice in how we deal with that offense.

Yes, how you act on that offense is your choice.​

 

Being "offended" is just another leftwing tool libs use like calling people racist or sexist. It is dumb, pay it no attention. Liberals pretty much cant operate without being victims. It is the poor little me syndrome!!!!!!

 

I guess it comes down to definitions and significance. If being offended is simply having your feelings hurt, then I suppose we have no more choice over what rubs our feelings the wrong way than what flavor of ice cream we prefer or what dream we had last night. But I'd argue it's also no more significant.

Someone could have a real affection for house flies and might have their feelings hurt when another person swats one dead. We could say that first person was offended and had no control over being offended, but I'd argue that something which exists only in his head has no real significance. It certainly isn't the responsibility of the second person to accommodate. It's not real for that second person. You can argue the offense exists in the first person's mind, but that doesn't mean it exists in the world we share.

And believing that offense exists beyond our imagination is where things get confusing. The offenses people use to excuse crimes of passion ... she cheated on me, therefore I killed her. He called me the n-word therefore I broke his arm. They drew a picture of Mohammad or disparaged the American Flag so... People believe they have received a real harm and feel justified in returning a real harm. Calling that hurt feeling an offense, encourages the belief that it's more real than any other urge that crosses our imagination. And I don't think that's true.




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Then that begs the question why are some people more likely to take offense then others? I'm just curious about what you have to say.

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Yes but doesn't that also make people live a bubble in a sense? Who's there to question your belief? Or am I simply misinterpeting offensive in this case?

 

The exclamation points suggest the possibility you were offended by the stupidity of what you were responding to; so let's say you were, just for argument's sake. Such a public display accomplishes exactly two things that I'm aware of: it renders your objection worthless in the mind of your adversary because he sees it as entirely personal to you, and it exposes you as vulnerable to psychological attack.

Dunno why anyone would think that's biological. Kids who are abused by their parents can generally be expected to try to regain a semblance of self-esteem at the expense of other kids.

I'm more interested in instances where it IS a choice, if anyone knows of any.

I can certainly feature it looking that way to those who don't understand anything I said.

 

Truly, nothing you post is mysterious or in any way hard to understand. Much of it is inaccurate, and as such, is easily debunked, but I think you're basically pretty transparent. You've been shown the error of your ways and yet you choose to make yet another thread, in the hopes of what...? That you might convince someone with a different slant on the same old take?

 

I could speculate that some have ulterior motives, using a claim of harm to illicit sympathy or concessions from another. I could speculate that some are less mature, and so react more fiercely or with less control to a perceived harm. The way a baby might scream when pinched, a child might complain, and a grown man might ignore it. It's possible some have grown more sensitive to certain issues. Someone who spent all their life in a tropical climate might react more quickly to a cold breeze than someone who lived their life in the mountains.

But to be honest, I don't know. It's hard to know another person's mind and harder still to generalize about the minds of many people.




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To be sure; but as you demonstrate yet again, where there's a will to misunderstand, there's a way.

Then the obvious question is what the hell you're waiting for.

 

Yes....I believe you are misinterpreting what I mean. I am not offended by people asking questions (unless very personal)....Offensive "People" are a very different story.

 

Then excuse me, my mistake.