Family Issues.

Discussion in 'Member Casual Chat' started by AmericanNationalist, May 29, 2020.

  1. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    I feel like an outcast in many ways in my new home. I mean, the bright side has been the new clothes and stuff. Hell, I'd been borrowing/sharing my mom's MacBook Pro and I can't wait to get my own.

    But what's happened over the course of the month, has made two things perfectly clear: A: My family has its own way of seeing things and B: It is impossible, nay absolutely impossible for them to see things from my prospective.

    C: They however, want me to adopt their prospective as my own. That's impossible, I can't do it. So, there were a couple of incidents in question. One day, the family and I were talking about an incident that occurred 4 years ago, when I was living with the family in Levittown, PA. Simply put, my little brother broke up with a chick and single me, tried to hit up on the chick(and by hit up, I sent a facebook message.)

    Well, my little brother didn't like it and a few years later(IE: This month), I found out why as my family has this insane idea that essentially, whoever any other family member once dated(IE: They dated, they broke up, for whatever reasons) is off limits. Basically, my family is rather possessive of their former love interests, unhealthily so in my opinion.

    In their view, it'd be "nasty" if I dated one of their ex's which is absurd, it's not like I'm committing incest or anything. Regardless of whoever who dated who, if two people are single(and legal and consensual), if they want to explore an opportunity they should be able to.

    But to me, it's more than their former love interests, I do think that it applies to literally anyone they've ever been in contact with. Rather than letting the at-home nurse tell me if she was uncomfortable or not, my family essentially tried to lie behind my back about the situation. Yeah, that's real swell lol.

    Then there's what happened today. My mother, is someone who's on and off. She claims not to be too politically motivated, but on other times she takes those topics. And well, what's happening in Minneapolis you can imagine.

    Now being on here, and being who most PF'ers know who I am, it goes without saying that I wouldn't mind broaching the topic in a family discussion. But there's a little context needed to understand the absurdity and the hurt of what happened:

    My great grandparents were german, my grandmother was German(and honestly, the inter-racial dating of the family started there as my grandmother dated an African-American and out came my mom) and my mom of course continued the trend(hence why she's 100% confident in my having African-American heritage.)

    So from my mother's prospective, to be blunt she wants nothing to do with that German(or aka: white) ancestry(which is fair enough of course), but as we discussed the Floyd case, she started talking more in general terms about systematic racism and oppression.

    My thoughts on these topics as it relates to general America is simple: I believe that if you follow the law, you act accordingly then you will be treated fairly well. Of course, some won't treat you well but that's not a reason to go out hating life in general.

    But then it got to a deeper sense of her believing that I belong to the 'generations' of other minorities, and that I should be obligated accordingly to those generations. To me(and I said this to her), she values me less as an individual, and more as a part of a generation.

    It became clear, that the more I expressed my individuality, the more disappointed she was that I wasn't a tribal person and that I don't support that idea at all. I mean, these are first world problems but it's a big adjustment going from my grandmother, who promoted my individual values(even if they couldn't really be prominent in poverty), to living with my mother and now in relative financial comfort, but my individual value might as well be thrown in a pond like a rock.

    I mean, I know she loves me, she says she loves me but I wonder if she loves my 'status' as her son, more than her actual son itself.
     
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  2. Kode

    Kode Well-Known Member

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    It could be worse. One of your parents could be a nasty alcoholic.
     
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  3. Smartmouthwoman

    Smartmouthwoman Bless your heart Donor

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    IMHO, the lesson to be learned here is... most adults can never go back to living with their parents. The rest of the world may consider you an individual, but to your family, you're still that freckled face kid who doesn't have a clue.

    It's not just you... it's a universal experience. :)
     
  4. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    You're both right, for someone who's physically disabled(and with the whole coronavirus going around thing), it's good that I'm in a stable home, even if there won't be the same philosophical support there once was.

    I am hoping that as soon as this virus breaks, I can start to make a push towards establishing myself and getting my own home and my own future.
     
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  5. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    once upon a time America was a country where 18 year olds had good jobs for independence.

    starting in the 90's on to today, they have to stay with family issues to save on money.

    it is what most of the third world does and America has adopted this culture.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2020
  6. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    First of all, it isn't YOUR new home. Secondly, if your brother was dating 4 years ago then he must have been of age ... and if you're even older than he and you are still living with your parents today 4 years later ..... well. My advice to you is to do exactly as your parents tell you to do or get out.
     
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  7. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Not exactly. At 18 today in the U.S. they volunteer for the Army where they get 3 squares, a bed, free clothing, and go to those third-word countries to rape and murder the people there.
     
  8. Kode

    Kode Well-Known Member

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    OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE DISABLED! I didn't know that. Now I understand your hardships just a bit better and need to cut you some slack. It changes my opinions on you being an adult and living at home and complaining about parents, for example. It has to be a difficult situation.

    But then you also said you "believe that if you follow the law, you act accordingly then you will be treated fairly well." But I'm afraid that's not so true if you're black. Even other minorities face "challenges" in that area. You mentioned "the 'generations' of other minorities". Are you a minority?
     
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  9. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    Well, I'm not exactly sure. My mother's justification on that, is that she's only dated black men, therefore logically I should be a mixed child. That said, I look nothing like a mixed child in my view.(I've posted a picture once.) Compared to most people with a tan or mixed complexion, I'm quite a bit lighter than that.

    Yeah, living with CP and hearing loss has been annoying, I try to hide that fact because even acknowledging it is humiliating. I want to be independent, strong and free. So that I don't look lesser than others, or have to hear negative remarks from others. But alas, it has not been easy to get to that point in life.
     
  10. modernpaladin

    modernpaladin Well-Known Member Donor

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    You are of course right that you are an individual and have a right to your opinion. What you don't have is a right for your opinion to be respected- even by your own family. Humans are human because they can't always overcome their emotions with logic. IMO the onus is on you to get along with them, as you are an adult living in their home (unless I've misunderstood the situation). Its not necessarily 'right' that you have to be the 'bigger person' than they and make nicey-nice simply for the sake of peaceable coexistence, but it may be that that is the only option :)
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2020
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  11. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that definitely seems to be the logical conclusion of the situation. I guess it was also just sad to see it from that angle, since I am her son and you'd think/hope that she would defend my views and opinions as I've defended her's but alas, we're all flawed humans at the end of the day regardless of our blood ties or not.
     
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  12. Kode

    Kode Well-Known Member

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    I hear ya. My nephew's daughter has CP. But you seem to be doing much better than she is. She has trouble with communication as well as mobility. So I hope you have an advantage that benefits you even though it's so hard. I wish you well.
     
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  13. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I can still walk(hell, I used to be a sprinter before I had asthma) and talk and stuff like that, so I definitely have all the tools to make a living for myself, it's just crappy timing with this coronavirus, the move and everything else. And now, I've got violent fools in the city. Great.
     
  14. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    that was after world war 2, they will have to invade iran for the same privileges of baby boomers?
     
  15. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I don't understand what you are trying to say.
     
  16. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    late correction, some baby boomers were drafted to asia.

    the same privileges of generation x in the 90's.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2020
  17. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Please excuse me but I still do not understand. Are you saying that both my generation and the present one have been forced (by conscription) to fight in Asia (Vietnam. Cambodia, Laos .... Irak, whatever) and it ought to be considered a "privilege"? I am guessing there is some tongue-in-cheek within your statement but I don't know where it is exactly.
     
  18. Collateral Damage

    Collateral Damage Well-Known Member

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    Seems like you have several issues coming at you from different directions. Kudos for keeping a relatively level head through it.

    Smartmouth Woman has the right of it when going back to family as an adult. Did it after my divorce at 25, which was immediately after the loss of my mother. Dad appreciated the company, but definitely still saw me as a kid.

    Then there is the racial thing, which is a difficult thing to view from the 'outside' (I'm white) but I truly believe when you put skin color above humanity, it's being used as a shield. Same could be said of disabilities. You are a human first. I have a number of health issues that have developed over the years, and it just rubs my fur the wrong way when people state my conditions as though that defines me rather than being a human first.

    I hope you can find your 'freedom' as quickly as possible, and keep your relationship with your family. Sometimes the best relationships in families are kept from a distance. :)
     
  19. AmericanNationalist

    AmericanNationalist Well-Known Member

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    Agreed on all accounts, I also hope for an amicable outcome where I'm able to keep my relationship with my family while continuing to sprout my own wings as an individual and soar on my own. It's not so much that I am the rebellious type, I'm just not the tribal type but also freedom(and the responsibility that comes with it) is something that I want to have and experience for myself.
     
  20. Sahba*

    Sahba* Well-Known Member

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    So I just got the "jist" of it from the first 20 sec. of fast perusing through the rather lengthy OP... I'm going to go w/ 'U be in the wrong'! Unless there is a years break & extenuating circumstances (that don't include yours) - 'just don't do that'... (imho)

    In reading back... perhaps I was too hasty in my summation ~ just don't date or procreate... :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2020
  21. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    yes, it was honorable.

    they were rewarded for great valor
     
  22. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I am a Vietnam War Veteran myself and our contribution was not honourable nor were we rewarded for our sacrifice. Maybe we were not rewarded because our fight was unjust .... but we weren't asked for our opinion in the first place, otherwise we wouldn't have gone over there.

    What that has to do Irak and Afghanistan I cannot see your point. They were (are) not conscripted.
     
  23. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    thank you for your service, they earned independence like the greatest generation who defeated the nazis to free the jews.
     
  24. Thingamabob

    Thingamabob Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What?
    * Vietnam won its independence by kicking the French out in 1954.
    * Then we immediately took their independence away from them.
    * They then won their independence a second time by kicking us out in 1975.
     
  25. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    young Americans should earn their independence from family by invading other countries, it is how its always been done.

    18-34 years of age should be conscripted to fight iran for oil.

    older than 34 could be drafted too if they don't have waivers for conditions like bone spurs
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020

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