Fundemetal Christians.

Discussion in 'Religion & Philosophy' started by Fugazi, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    I'd like to get some clarity on the following questions from some of our more fundamental Christian members;

    1. When someone burns a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, we know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is the neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should they be smitten?

    2. I know someone who would like to sell their daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. We know that we are allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how does one tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that we may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't we own Canadians?

    5. My neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. Is that true? Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that a person may not approach the altar of God if they have a defect in their sight. What about those who wear reading glasses. Does their vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. We know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but can people still play football if they wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)


    I await the answers.
     
  2. Imnotreallyhere

    Imnotreallyhere Well-Known Member Donor

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    I burn a steer most weekends on my grill. My neighbors all want to be invited for steak. You should be smitten for not having smarter neighbors.

    It depends. KJV Proverbs 31:10 'Who can find a virtuous woman? For her priceis far above rubies.

    Obviously men like you should have no contact with women at all, just to be safe. (Heh, heh, heh. More for me!)

    Canadians are for eating, preferably with veggies picked by Mexicans.

    Is this the same guy who doesn't like steak? What kind of neighborhood do you live in, anyway?

    The only true abomination is the Abominable Snowman. The things about shellfish and homosexuality are typos. Eating shellfish is an abdomenation; the process of getting food into one's gut. Homosexuality is only an abdomenation if one swallows.

    They should wear contacts or at least wire frames. Stay away from those black plastic birth control glasses, and the whole cat's eye thing is right out.

    Old age is my personal preference.

    Certainly. This also means that anyone who wears a condom during sex is going to have to explain to God why he or she was having sex with a rubber tree plant.

    Don't stand to close and watch for the meteor.

    I hope I have delivered satisfaction.
     
    Hoosier8 and (deleted member) like this.
  3. Margot2

    Margot2 Banned

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    These were the laws invented by the Levites very late... during and after the Babylonian exile.

    The seem very screwy and ridiculous, however their purpose was to keep the Hebrews separate from their neighbors so they wouldn't intermarry or assimilate.

    In fact, after the Babylonian exile, Jews were ordered to divorce foreign wives and abandon the children of those unions... which lead to the first diaspora.
     
  4. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Levitical law is the law that governs an agreement between Jews and God. Christ made an agreement with all of humanity, not just the Jews. That's a new agreement, as explained by Paul in Hebrews. It's better than the first, more complete than the first. The law of the flesh is death. All of your questions are answered by Paul. Go ahead and read it, Hebrews, and Galatians.

    My experience with atheists, though, is that you aren't really looking for answers to these questions, just looking for questions I can't answer. Do you think you're the first person to come along and quote Leviticus into a religious forum like you found the key to undoing fundamental Christianity? Did you open up a Bible and find those yourself, or did you copy paste from some other internet source? Does it make you feel smarter than me? Cleverer than me? More enlightened than me? Atheism is fast becoming a confrontational religion.
     
  5. Crawdadr

    Crawdadr Well-Known Member

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    Context is everything you need to read the whole book and see what applies to who and why and when. With the coming of Christ the Jews were to keep to the old laws but the non jews did not need to adopt them unless they wanted to (like circumcision). It was a big deal in Acts I believe, with the inclusion of so many non jews . (I am at work and cant check that I might be off by a book)
     
  6. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    Got to say your answers are classic .. worth at least two of these :clapping::clapping:

    Loved them.
     
  7. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    If you cannot see the humour in the post then I'm afraid you are lost.

    how do you know I am an atheist, or don't religious people have a sense of humour any more?
     
  8. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    I would just like to point out that the thread was intended to raise a smile, if anyone looks at the way it is written it is pretty obvious that it is done with no real seriousness and with all the other threads on here that seem to be locked in a frown battle I had hoped that this would lighten things a little.

    Strange really the first response got the joke.

    So if anyone felt offended I apologise.
     
  9. The Wyrd of Gawd

    The Wyrd of Gawd Well-Known Member

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    As Paul said in Ephesians 5:4 (CEB) = "Obscene language, silly talk, or vulgar jokes aren’t acceptable for believers. Instead, there should be thanksgiving."
     
  10. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    The humor? Children repeat the same joke over and over and over thinking the humor will never get old. When will we finally grow out of mocking Christianity? Even in context of this being a joke it isn't funny. Slavery? Menstruation? Really?

    This isn't a joke. It's a sneer. I'll treat it with the contempt it deserves. Not because I'm sensitive to attacks on Christianity, but I'm just sick of hearing the same sneer over and over with the defense that it's funny. It's not. It never was. It never will be. Grow up.
     
  11. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Please don't apologize. If you want to post something, do so. I welcome posts that I don't enjoy, as contradictory as that sounds. It allows me opportunity to voice my discontent. Quite nice!
     
  12. The Wyrd of Gawd

    The Wyrd of Gawd Well-Known Member

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    It was funny to me.
     
  13. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Funny certainly is in the eye of the beholder. I found this joke both pointed and worn. Let's try the humor out on some others? Now let's see... the jokes have to be self-ignorant of the subject matter to the point of being blatantly incorrect, and even self ware of that fact. Second, they have to be crude. Third, they should be complimentary of the opposite ideals.

    So, hey Muslims, quick question. Why do you believe God wants to to murder all of humanity?

    Funny, right?

    So, hey women, why don't you get back in the kitchen where you belong?

    Hilarious!

    Seriously, this kind of crap only works when aimed at groups that it's acceptable to barb. Pick on protected groups, like blacks, Jews, women, etc, and then it's not only lacking in humor, but reason probably for ban. Then all of you jokers would become righteously indignant and preachy.

    It's more the double standard that I disdain. That, and the lack of originality. It's a battle against the bandwagon. People simply cannot think for themselves. Christianity is something other people make fun of, so you make fun of it, and you are part of the in crowd. The problem is all of these echos actually feed into real misconceptions people have about Christianity. People out there actually buy this stupid attempts at jokes as reality. And, at the heart of this, the people perpetuating it have the same misconceptions. It's a symbol for me, of all the work I have ahead. Stop setting me back.
     
  14. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    So you feel the need to project onto me with ad hominem attacks and you tell me to grow up :roflol:

    nobody forced you to respond, nobody forced you to launch an unprovoked attack on me and as such I will treat your responses with the contempt THEY deserve.
     
  15. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    Wow, how ironic . .you have just done all the things you accuse others of.

    Self-ignorant of the subject .. hmm, well as I studied for quite some time to be a vicar, I'd say I'm probably quite knowledgeable of the bible

    You find talking about a natural biological function crude . .what is wrong with menstruation?

    As I said if the post offended you that much, why respond .. or even better report it.

    What you fail to understand is that most of the groups you highlight can and do create jokes about themselves.
     
  16. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Great OP !

    It's so much fun to see the christians flailing helplessly for answers by being obnoxiously insulting......so Jesus-like :)
     
  17. crank

    crank Well-Known Member

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    there is no 'when' 'who' or 'where' when you're talking Omni-everything. quite the conundrum.
     
  18. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Do as you'd like. Interesting that you see this as an attack on you. I've thus far been addressing this joke as childish, immature, uninformed, and just generally stale. Try and see the difference. It would be like if some old southerner made a joke about hanging black people. Wouldn't be funny, would it? That's kind of like this thread. It's not funny. That's not to say that YOU aren't funny. I don't know you. Perhaps you're a world famous clown. See how the attack isn't directed at you? You can see can't you?
     
  19. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    some people are so uptight they just don't understand.
     
  20. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Here's an example of what I talked about. This guy can't tell it's a joke, and buys this stuff. Further, he seems to have skimmed over when I provided the answer by explaining the lack of application of Levitical law on the new covenant. Instead, it's just misinformation, applied with social double standards, under the auspices of humor. And, no, other groups of people don't take kindly to misinformed pointed mockery. Neither should I be required to.

    If you'd like to be humorous, then do so. If you want to be snide, then do so. Don't be snide and then masquerade as humor. At least be honest with your contempt.
     
  21. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    Right, so saying "grow up" is not an attack on me, tell me who were you responding to if not me?

    BTW in case you didn't notice not one single thing in the OP attacks Christians, all of the items are phrased as questions, do you understand THAT difference.
     
  22. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    Go to a "protected" group of people. Be them women, or blacks, or Jews, or latinos. Go to them and mock them. See how uptight they are. I think you'd find I'm timid.
     
  23. Ozymandis

    Ozymandis New Member

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    No I don't understand the difference. Go up to a Muslim, look them in the eye, and ask them what kind of place they plan on bombing. When they don't take kindly to that, then you can explain to them that you phrased it as a "question", and they need to "lighten up". Please report back your results. Should be entertaining.
     
  24. crank

    crank Well-Known Member

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    double standard? double standard? a CHRISTIAN talking double standards is almost funnier than the OP. when you're delightful to the Satanists who knock on your front door to tell you of your certain doom if you don't immediately subscribe to their cult, then you might have a position. when you're tolerant of Satanists teaching your kids that satan is the one true god, and yours is false and evil, then you might have a position. when you quietly tolerate Satanists attempting to pass legislation affecting YOUR life, then you might have a position. (feel free to transpose satan with a 'false and evil' god of your choice). when you don't assume your faith will be respected (for no absolutely no valid reason) and act with the arrogance of that assumption, then you might have a position. when you don't impose your bizarre rituals on others without consideration for their comfort, then you might have a position.

    and you're damn right Christianity is something many of us make fun of ... did you read the OP? on what planet isn't that stuff hilariously awful? and what we're actually doing is correcting the misconception imposed upon many nations for centuries. it's long (*)(*)(*)(*)ing overdue, too.
     
  25. Fugazi

    Fugazi New Member Past Donor

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    so you can read minds can you

    That response is not the issue, it is your other responses.

    Excuse me, pray do tell what part of the OP is misinformation, please post the actual bible quotes from the verse notation provided and show me where the misinformation is, are you saying that these things are not in the bible?

    What social double standards, ones that only you perceive.

    Try re-reading what was written and then perhaps you will see that the very format of the questions asked is done so in a humorous manner, it may not be your type of humour, if so read it and move on.

    I'll wait for you to provide anything that shows what is written is incorrect and as such misinformed .. please do so.

    Nobody is requiring you to do anything, your choice to respond.

    So now you are calling me a liar .. how Christian of you.
     

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