Funny Political Cartoons XII

https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-combine-into-giant-mech-in-last-ditch-effort-to-defeat-bernie

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after being put in charge of taking care of the coronavirus pandemic for the United States, Vice President Mike Pence unveiled a new, coronavirus-resistant uniform for women. The uniform consists of a red robe and white bonnet and is mandatory for all women in the country.

 

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U.S.—The DNC has announced a controversial new debate format after pressure from both the Sanders and Biden campaigns in which the candidates will stand at podiums that are equipped with Life Alert buttons in case the debaters fall down and can't get up.

Life Alert, which is sponsoring the debate, is supplying the podiums free of charge.

The candidates, who are old and may collapse to the ground at any moment, will be able to press the button should they suddenly have a heart attack or just have no idea where they are. Aides will then be able to come up and either stand them back up and hold them upright for the duration of the debate or tell them, "Hey, Joe, the year is 2020 and you're running for president. Joe! Speak to me Joe! JOOOOE!!!"

"Help! I've fallen and I can't rebut!" Biden shouted during a test run of the new podiums, as he was both unable to stand back up or respond to Sanders in any kind of coherent manner. "Also, who is the current president and who are all these little Oompa Loompas dancing around me in this mushroom forest? Flibberdoodle!"

Later on during the test run, Biden brought up Sanders's three houses in a rare moment of lucidity, and a panicked Sanders smacked the button rather than actually address the fact that he's a very rich socialist.

As a contingency plan, the DNC is also preparing a pair of hospital beds the candidates could be transferred to mid-debate.

 

Trump Cancels 2020 Election Over Coronavirus Concerns
March 10th, 2020

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In real news that totally actually happened, President Trump has announced that in the interest of public safety, the 2020 presidential election has been canceled.

“It’s just too risky,” President Trump told the press while standing behind a sneeze guard. “We’ll get all these people gathered together at rallies or lined up to vote, and they’re all going to get sick. And Bernie and Biden -- they’re just so old. Sending them around crowds campaiging is basically trying to murder them. Anyway, it just seems pointless for a bunch of people to die when everyone knows I was going to win anyway.”

Trump has been a divisive figure in the past, but so far everyone has agreed with this move. The New York Times, which usually opposes absolutely everything Trump does, wrote an editorial in support of canceling the election. “It’s a smart, science-driven move,” the editorial said. “As important as democracy is, it’s just not worth dying over.”

Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders also seemed very relieved by the announcement, as they’re both very tired and worried about getting sick. Sanders was especially happy, telling the press, “You know, for a few moments there, it really seemed like I might win, and I didn’t know what was going to happen if people actually expected me to follow through on all that free stuff.” Sanders is now deciding in which of his three houses to self-quarantine.

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