I am the most interesting man in the world.

Let's start from one of my first memories. A bird fell from a tree. I asked my mommy (I was 4 . Although I did get the crap shocked out of me by some cords They tell me I caught myself on fire somehow. I don't remember that) Can I put it back in the nest? No, she said. The will smell the scent of you and not take care of it and it will die. I thought that was really sad.
Btw, I was born on Friday 13th...(the've always called me jr. or jr.bailey) around noon, if that means anything to some self- proclaimed genius.
Stuck a knife in my foot... trying to see how close I could get... got in a fight over "engineering principles"... we were 5. moved to every school in the area (3) and had probably a generally normal childhood except for the fights where I got punched till my head looked like a watermelon (just one side - kept poundin' on it. chipped some teeth... raped some girls (kidding - kid's stuff) fell in love at first sight. More later. Started smoking, drinking and weed at 13, the magic number? Went through high school in the drug capitol of the world, Deer Park, TX. Mandrax, Qualudes, dyladids (synth. morphine, heroin - never tried that, nembu/seco/tua...anols... never saw peyote but shrooms and Sid were prevalent. I skipped every Friday and teachers schedules their test around me. I had a car at 15. Smoked a lotta' dope in it... Buick skylark... looked a little like a chevette... 350... quick. Went crazy after I was accepted into UT. My dad had a tumor the size of a grapefoot that the docs neglected to find a few years ago when he started falling out. I went arount the US after helping my little bro' spend his settlement money (he got hit by a car when I forgot to pick him up from the movies... yeah, I felt bad.) We remodeled a house we bought from my alledgedly child-molesting uncle. Hitch-hiked around the US on a lost credit card and a few bucks... met a (*)(*)(*)... he gave me 20 or 30 $. Almost got thrown in jail for using it at a Holiday Inn... Went back and reinstated the card for about $5000. Went to NY city via the upper states where my rent-a-car froze over and I hitch-hiked to a guy who put me up gave me a ride... (his car broke down... so he bought a new one... He was one TIGHT-ASS about legalizing marijuana... Called my ((*)(*)(*)/ex-boss-piano picker/lord font leroy) and he informed I was in Manhattan. Then I went to a bar in Washington, DC where the Secret Service kicked her out, gave me a hand-writing test. The guy at the bar didn't like me saying I was going to "shoot him out of the saddle"... I was running on the "kuni-ticket" I registered in CA. TBC

 

It's a myth, by the way, that a parent bird will reject its offspring based on scent. Birds don't have a strong sense of smell.

 

Dammit man! I wrote a whole buncha crap about going to mexico at 15, getting busted for a joint, dad taking a drunken roadtrip w/his lawyer, going to jail in mexico for betting I could drink a bottle of tequila after already having at least another... lost the whole story ... readers digest version of time forgotten

 

only 30 more years worth of (*)(*)(*)(*) left.

 

My real life is far more interesting than that...