I think I was date-raped last weekend, what should I do?

I am a single, degree'd professional who just came out of a 3 month relationship. I decided to go to a friend's bonfire the other night.... a real "sausage fest" So of course, the guy/girl ratio was very skewed not in the guy's favor.

Well, I have a weakness for Jack Daniels and 1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot.... I was feeling VERY good (I'm about 160#). Then I started taking shots in this plastic syringe thing. We'd run around, "I need 50 cc's of Jack, stat...." and squeeze of another shot of jack.

Obviously, I was in NO condition to drive home so "a friend" of mine decided to give me a ride home. We even had to stop twice because I got sick.


Now, this so called friend and I had been out on one date before, but I just wasn't interested in anything more than just friends. But I kinda knew that more than friends was wanted. Either way, we get to my house and I have to be helped inside. I don't know what happened next other than we started kissing and one thing led to another.

I will say, I know a condom was used and now I'm torn.....seems like care was taken, and that I am genuinely liked by my "friend".... and I didn't have to have a ride home offered at all. I mean, I could have had to gotten a cab and I couldn't afford that. So do I chalk this up as friendly payback, or was it more?

Final snag is I don't want the 2 kids to have that burden of a single parent charged with rape..... it'll ruin the kid's lives as one is 16 (slightly autistic) and 8.

 

In my opinion---if your judgement was impaired---what about his? Its a two way street. What if he barely remembers anything??

 

Firstly get some tests - pregnancy and STD just to be on the safe side. And if he was with it enough to use a condom then he knew what he was doing. As a professional - if you had ALREADY had 3 JD's and were taking "shots" from a syringe you were coming close to toxic levels - and if you think alcohol does not have a "toxic level" please think again

 

One thing I don't see in your post.

I see that you got drunk. Had sex with this guy.

What I don't see is a single comment where you feel violated. Not one word about you feeling like you were taken advantage of because you were drunk.

Do you feel violated?

Or do you just feel sorry that it happened?

Or do you even feel bad that it happened?

I don't want to triviliaze what happened to you but every woman I know who has been date raped started off the conversation with how they had been violated.

Legally- you are on shakey grounds since there would be no physical evidence now- and the time frame works against you. But I would suggest that if you feel conflicted about it- call a rape hotline and talk to a counselor.

 

WTF? I got drunk, I made an adult decision to put myself in a vulnerable position and am mad that I said yes when I really meant no. WTF, get a life and grow up. When you drink you obviously have no idea how say no to the drink or the sex, get real, you (*)(*)(*)(*)ed up, its not his fault its yours. Just because you drank too much does not make others responsible for your decisions.

Lets get something straight, if you can not handle your alcohol and must drink to excess you are making a bad bad bad bad decision, and when some guy asks to (*)(*)(*)(*) you and you say yes, that is your fault not his!

 

The OP is male.

He is having a DIG at women that have been date-raped.

If you see previous threads of his, he doesn't believe in date-rape and like talking grubby about women in general.

Here we go, one of his threads:

http://www.politicalforum.com/womens-rights/193687-date-rape-fake-crime.html

 

Back in the 90's Italians used date rape drugs in the islands , whenever we saw women talking to them we were laughing because we knew the outcome , the girls remembered absolutely nothing the next day .
You got drunk and had sex , it happens to everyone and you shouldn't (*)(*)(*)(*)(*) about it.

 

I would tend to agree, I do not see a case here of someone being drugged, but someone voluntarily drinking and then doing things they normally would not do.. based on just the story in the op of course

if he was not drinking then obviously i would change that opinion

 

I thought was a women.. but would say the same if it was a man... based on the story the op relayed to us

but thanks for the heads up


.

 

Yes, I'm a male.... lol Should that make a difference? I got drunk, and got horny and took home the first person that said "yes"... just like many MANY women do. I regretted what I did the next day.... BIG TIME. So what is the difference? The only difference I see is by telling this story as a male, I'm considered to be "taking a dig at women who were date raped", but as a female, "you were raped"

I agree 11ty gazillion % with you.

I find it incredible that women seem to think that it's date rape when it happens to them, but it's just a typical guy when it happens to them. This is ANOTHER example of not wanting equality, but rather, special treatment for the same thing. "Equality +1"

 

I understand exactly where the OP is coming from. We have to deal with this in the Military all the time. The crack down is immense and consists of sometimes monthly briefings on sexual assault. Basically telling all the guys they are perverted rapists who cant be trusted around women. While women are not held accountable at all for their actions, men are thrown under the jail when an incident occurs. I understand outright rape where a male forces a female into sex, but when alcohol is involved, that is where I get upset. The male and female could both be impared, but it only matters if the female is impaired and then it could constitute rape.

It has gotten quite rediculous. Which is why I stay far far away from females in the military. They can pick and choose when they want to call it sexual harassment or not depending on if they want to be flirted with by that particular individual. The sexual harassment laws simply put the power in the females hands. It's an unballanced playing field and women want to keep it that way so they can continue to pick and choose their men and have men constantly doting attention on them with no repricussions for their conduct. Only reprecussions for males who step out of line, then she has the option to punish him for not playing her game.

 

it's only sexual harrassment if the guy is ugly.


But great post, Courtney.... you are right. and how much alcohol is too much. She has a glass of wine at dinner, you have sex and don't call her back and she gets pissed. So she can now claim daterape because you bought her alcohol at dinner then had consentual sex.

The guy is guilty of being a (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)bag by hitting it and quitting it, but he's NOT guilty of rape.

Forced rape is not what I'm saying is ok.... lets just make this clear. (Because I know it won't be long before people start dropping in legit rape, or enjoyable rape... etc)

I also get pissed at the confusion of terms.... I do think there is a such thing as daterape. If you drop a drug into a girl's drink, that's daterape. If she's passed out snoring.... that's date rape....


consentual sex between two adults where one regrets it AFTER THE FACT is not date-rape. Choosing to get yourself plastered (girls), consenting to having sex with someone, and then waking up next to a guy you regret sleeping with... is not date-rape. I can't tell you how many am regrets I have had thanks to alcohol.... but I was NOT dateraped

 

Get some help - first for your alcoholism because, if your description of the amount you drank is even remotely accurate, you might easily not be around to write this. Second, for your hatred of women. Tough to be happy in a world in which you regard half of the occupants as less than you, out to get you, ready to use your weakness (read horniness) against you, etc. Since you have never experienced sex as a woman, try not to assume you know what it is like for them. Misogyny will do more harm to you than the women in your life, if there are any other than casual acquaintances, could ever do.

I am a heterosexual male who loves women (one in particular). The sex wars are a terrible idea. It is a war in which there are only losers. And you have served as a spy in that war. You do recall what happens to spies, don't you?

 

oh the Sexist card being called on me....

I just want equality... just like others claim, so don't expect a spade to not be called a spade when I see it.


I'm good on my alcholism.... thanks though. One night deal (as I haven't drank since then over a month ago.... and hadn't drank for about 2 months prior)

I had my bases coverd. If she didn't come get me, I was crashing at my friends house. Plus, they were 'half-shots' at most. I didn't have a hangover if that tells you anything about the real amount I had.


I have no hatred of women, although I have been. All I see is women DEMANDING equality (fine, no problems there) but then expecting rules to apply differently whenever it's convenient.

If a woman did what I did, the guy could EASILY be in jail, life ruined, even if he's cleared. But that's ok because a guy takes advantage of girls in that situation, a girl has NO accountability in the same situation.

Seems equal to me...

 

Grow up.

 

seems like you are upset that your belief in what constitutes daterape is being shown as hypocritical.

So answer.... is my situation daterape being that I'm a guy.
would it be date rape if I was girl?



I carefully worded my OP as such that I never said I was a girl or guy, or that the offender was a girl or a guy on purpose. If it's not daterape for a girl to do it to a guy, then its not date rape for a guy doing it to a girl.

 

Nope- the guy you were with could still have raped you.

But as I pointed out from the beginning- you never expressed any sense of being violated. This is why I thought this phony from the start.

But note- I gave you serious advice- which I still will give-

If you think you were date raped= call a rape hotline.

Doesn't matter if you are a guy who thinks the guy you slept with raped you or if you are a girl. If you wake up feeling like you were violated, save the physical evidence- call a rape hot line. If you decide there was criminal behavior, go to the hospital- they will call the police.

 

no, a girl date-raped me, a guy.


I did express that I was not interestersted in this girl, and that I would never have done this had I been sober. That's enough for a conviction if a guy did this to a girl.

 

You were drunk. It may have been a girl or a guy or a couple of guys who raped you. Get yourself stitched up and take a shower.

 

If you can't remember it, it didn't happen.

 

I seriously doubt you've ever had sex with anyone. Male or female.

Try this though: Next time you jack off call the police and tell them your palm raped you.

 

wow at the enragement of pointing out hypocracies... lol

I'm serious.... Why should this situation NOT be date rape when I'm a guy, but it's date-rape if it happens to a girl.

I'm all for treating women equally, meaning, they are just as responsible for their drunk night sex-capades as I am, or they are just as accountable when their partner is extremely smashed and drunk.

 

oh I remember, it happening... just don't remember really controlling anything I did. I just find it amusing that when everyone thought the OP was a girl, they were saying "get checked, turn him in" etc... but now that they know the OP was a guy.... its' "you're a jerk, I bet youve never had sex" blah blah blah.

 

What a jerk. Did she at least give you cab fare?

 

I don't suppose that you've noticed, but women have a few extra worries you lack. May you wake from your wet dream pregnant.