It smells like sex

Discussion in 'Member Casual Chat' started by (original)late, May 4, 2022.

  1. (original)late

    (original)late Banned

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    "Britain right now smells like sex. As you stand outside the post office, looking through your bag for a mask, you are bathed in the smell of fornication. As you take your aunt Elsie for a quick stroll to the hairdressers, the air drips with coitus. While lining up outside nursery to pick up your child, your nose is full of the smell of bonking. The sweet, vaguely piscine, sometimes acrid smell of shagging is hanging heavy everywhere – and we seem determined to ignore it.At least, most of us. While poems are written about the nodding heads of daffodils, and Instagram stories are awash with swaying oceans of bluebells, most people seem rather less inclined to admit that – to paraphrase that famous Mitchell and Webb sketch – every park in England smells like semen. That walking your dog is, for a few weeks in May, the nasal equivalent of squelching through a bordello.

    It isn’t necessary to study for a degree in botany to understand the reason for this aromatic assault. Just as birdsong is the auditory result of a few million horny creatures standing on a branch after a long and lonely winter, screeching “I neeeeeed to get laaaaiiiid”, so the sticky, tannic smells of May’s various blooms are the floral world’s attempt to attract pollinators. The country is ripening and plants have a small seasonal window in which to get fertilised, produce seeds and ensure their future survival. Like a hopeful 17-year-old slathering themselves in Lynx Africa in the hope that they’ll get served, and get lucky, they produce a chemical compound, or pheromone, that signals to the natural world that they are open for business.

    While the phrase “the sap is rising” might make me queasy, it’s hard to deny that, from the smallest mitochondria to the tallest tree, something’s thrusting up out there."
    https://www.theguardian.com/comment...-determined-ignore-spring-scent-park-bordello

     
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  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    This very much reminds me of a college biology professor. He would often go into little faux tirades saying something like "Sex! Sex! Sex! Nature is all about SEX!!!!"

    I decided to take that to heart and started living a sex life dream.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2022
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  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Barnacles have the biggest penis-to-body size ratio, with genitalia nearly eight-times their total body length. Barnacles are stuck in place for life, so they use their super-long penises to reach other nearby crustaceans, blindly depositing sperm inside their neighbors/
    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/nine-weirdest-penises-animal-kingdom-180976274/#:~:text=Barnacles have the biggest penis,depositing sperm inside their neighbors.

    If humans were like barnacles, we would have penises 50 feet long.

    That is 49 feet longer then mine!
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2022
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  4. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Dolphins are known for their intelligence, promiscuity and absurdly dexterous penises. They have a prehensile penis, meaning it can swivel, grab and grope, much like a human hand. A prehensile penis helps males navigate the complex, labyrinth-like reproductive tracts of female dolphins.

    Dolphins don’t just use their penises for baby-making, either. Bottlenose dolphins frequently copulate for pleasure, and often with members of the same sex. Dolphin sex doesn’t last long, only about ten seconds, but males can ejaculate multiple times an hour.
    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/nine-weirdest-penises-animal-kingdom-180976274/

    Ten seconds and multiple times per hour? That is nothing compared to me as a teenager!

    Hey ladies, imagine if a guy could reach out and grab your with his junk? LOL!
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2022
  5. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Like many organisms with intriguing phalluses, flatworms that engage in penis fights are hermaphrodites—just one example that showcases how a sex binary system fails to account for the range, fluidity and diversity of many organisms. Some species of flatworm engage in this duel to see who can inseminate the other.

    Their two-headed penises resemble tiny swords, and battles can last for up to an hour as they take turns attempting to stab the other. The winner pierces the flesh of the other flatworm to deposit their sperm, something scientists refer to as “traumatic insemination.”
    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/nine-weirdest-penises-animal-kingdom-180976274/
     
  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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  7. submarinepainter

    submarinepainter Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    source with photos please, my wife asked hahaha
     
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    They call me Barnacle Bob for a reason but I never provide photos. But if you grab your binoculars and look West...
     
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  9. Le Chef

    Le Chef Banned at members request Donor

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    Last edited: May 25, 2022
  10. FreshAir

    FreshAir Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    that's what happens to people that wish to be bigger in their next life, lol, careful for what one wishes for :)
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2022
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