My mother once told me that it all starts with loving yourself. This is wrong – dead wrong. It all starts with loving God. Then God improves you; then there is more about yourself to love. I have known a person who said that unless you have a high self-esteem you have nothing to offer other people. I have known a guru who told me that altruism is based on being three years old and your whole existence being based on the actions of people around you. I have known a naturally altruistic woman who said, following this kind of an indoctrination, that unless she could live for herself she could not live. She ended up dying at age 25. She was brilliant. She was compassionate. She was wise. And yet she ended up dying at an extremely early age because of what she was faced with. So I have had a woman tell me that before you can be a good and compassionate person you had to work through your “emotional psychotic bullshit.” According to this code, there could not have been good people before the existence of therapy; and of course there have been many good people before existence of therapy. These attitudes are wrong in every possible way. And it is unconscionable that a great country could have fallen for such beliefs. Now many people who have these convictions are of the belief that they are good people and that others are “sociopaths” and “narcissists.” In fact their beliefs are more cruel than anything that we see from the preceeding. I have once known a woman with psychology education saying on the Internet that some people will make it psychologically and that some will not. Her attitude was more cruel than anything that we see from “sociopaths” and “narcissists.” For the most of recorded history, self-love was not encouraged and most certainly it was not coerced. In the country where I come from, people were taught to sacrifice for the greater good. When I came to America with the same values, I was called a commie and I was called an egomaniac. Then these people decided that I was selfish and that they were not. This is beyond ridiculous. Should self-esteem and things of the sort be encouraged? Even if they are encouraged, they most certainly should not be coerced. I have come to the conclusion that self-esteem does not make people better; it makes them worse. If you have high standards for yourself, you will find it harder to feel good about yourself than if you have low standards for yourself. The person with lower standards will have a higher self-esteem; the person with higher standards will be a better person. So I have taken a break from the attitudes of people such as my mother. I am not starting by loving myself. I am starting by loving God. And I expect God to improve me in any number of ways, so that there will be more about myself to love.
I think what your mother was referring to was more of an "acceptance of self"... not so much a self love. You know the warts and all thing... accepting of your flaws despite what others think... the problem is this acceptance of self actually do start with your parents... it's easier when your parents accept you for who you are... half the battle is won. It's very difficult for people who have to fight disapproval all their lives, they really struggle to find that inner peace... your centre. You know you have it when you can interact with strangers and inside it feels like you're sprawled out on the couch... with a big smile and a bucket of ice cream. Perhaps this is what you find or look for in God... acceptance.. certainly I know many people whose self confidence is ingrained in their religion... if they didn't have religion they would most likely crumble.. this is fine... do what you must.
