I had a friend who went to the hospital and asked to see the doctor. The receptionist asks, “Which doctor?” He says, “No, I need a proper doctor.” I once walked into a clinic and started doing Tai Chi moves. The receptionist asks, “Can I help you?” I say, “I am here to help you.” I go to get a blood draw, and the nurse asks, “Which arm?” I say, “The middle one.” Probably the most famous joke in the English language is the chicken joke: “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.” I have three takeoffs on that. Why did the crazy man cross the road? Because he thought that he was a chicken. Why did the scared man cross the road? Because he was chicken. Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was running after the chicken. I went with my stepkids to a zoo in the Melbourne area, that had very aggressive chickens. A chicken makes a run for my stepson's foot, so I step between them and say No. The chicken makes a run for my stepdaughter's food, so I step between them and say No. The chicken goes after another child and I say, “Stop attacking the children.” The chicken then attempts to go for my stepson again, at which point I say, “Look. If you tried this anywhere else you'd be food.” The chicken walks away. I used to have a girlfriend whom I called a squirrel. She liked nuts in all three senses of the word. One morning she wakes up and asks me to bring her some nuts. I ask how many and she says three. I say, “my little squirrel wants just three nuts.” After that it stuck. She was the squirrel. Everything then started with “sq.” Kittens became squittens. Reality became squirality. Social occasion became squocial occasion. When I wanted to gauge her mood, I asked her from one to ten to tell me how many squirrels are there inside of her. The more squirrels inside, the better the mood. I used to work for a Lebanese food place. They had subs in 9-inch sizes and 12-inch sizes. I sometimes asked customers if they wanted their subs the Arabian size or the African size. You know how many Irish words start with Kil? Why did they do that? We have Kilkenny, we have Kilpatrick, why do you want to do such a thing, what did Patrick and Kenny do to you? I used to live on the Magnetic Island in Australia. There are three kinds of people there: Scientists, artists and drunks. There are three population I know that are fond of drinking: Russians, Italians and Irish. The Russians drink to get smashed. The Italians drink to have fun. The Irish drink to have bar fights. When someone asked me why Australians drank, I thought and said, “To have sex.” I've come to the conclusion that the reason that many people get into drinking and drugging is that they are cats living in a dog world. A cat will never be a normal dog, and dogs will be nasty to the cat. But neither should there be reverse snobbery and for cats to be nasty to the dogs. Cats and dogs need to learn to get along. And the way to do that is for them to realize what is cat and what is dog, what is the use of which, and how they can work together. Thus people need to understand how one another thinks. A salesman has to think positive. An engineer cannot afford to think positive. An engineer has to think analytically. He has to anticipate anything that can possibly go wrong with the product. An engineer who thinks positive will design equipment that will blow up on use. So we have salesmen seeing engineers as negative ninnies, and we have engineers seeing salesmen as neon balloons. Both are simply using the way of thinking that is appropriate to their profession, and they need to understand why they think the way they do so that they do not tear out each other's throats. I used to see special numbers on the clock – numbers like 11:11 and 2:22. I walk into a McDonald's cafe, and the register says “6:90.” Behind the register were two attractive young women, and when they asked me if I was a comedian I said, “not professionally.” Well, this is all I have here for now. I do not know if I will have more jokes any time soon. At any rate I hope you enjoyed this
Good job! We are living in the time period....... when finally the sense of humor of Messiah Yeshua - Jesus can be understood! He kept his sense of humor pretty much a secret up until now.......... John 16:25 "These things have I spoken unto you in proverbs: but the time cometh, when I shall no more speak unto you in proverbs, but I shall shew you plainly of the Father." Page 107 to the end of this book is helpful to understand the humor and joy of Messiah Yeshua - Jesus. http://www.thomastwin.com/6 A Thomas background.html
