My comedy performance

Discussion in 'Creative Corner' started by ibshambat, Mar 12, 2020.

  1. ibshambat

    ibshambat Banned

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    I've been taking part in comedy readings. Here is my latest offering.


    I use to work in the American state of Indiana, and most of my co-workers were from India. One day we decided to go to Chicago, so the six of us – me and five Indian men, one of them fat – loaded into a Ford Taurus and drove to Chicago. I tell a friend about it and he says, “four Hindus, a Russian and a Buddha.”

    The driver kept stopping at intersection asking in Indian accent, “Excoose me is there a noodie bar?”

    There was an American song in 1950s that went, “get your kicks on the route 66.” I parsed it as “get your kicks on the roof and sixty-six.”

    Sometimes people ask me if I am a Russian spy, and what kind of question is that? If I was a Russian spy, would I tell you?

    I went with a lady friend to an art museum. They had a sign-in sheet and I wrote, “I am a Russian spy here with a married American woman.” I looked behind and the older women were laughing.

    There is a Russian band whose name means “Happy fellows.” They went by “gay boys.”

    Does anyone know why the world's sex industry capital is called Bang ****?

    I used to work for a Lebanese restaurant. They had subs in 9-inch sizes and 12-inch sizes, so I sometimes asked the customers if they wanted their subs the Arabian size or the African size.

    I used to have a girlfriend whom I called a squirrel. She liked nuts in all three senses of the word.

    There is a debate in America about the right to bear arms; but I would like to talk about a related issue: The right to arm bears. It appears that there is a cross-society consensus that arming bears is not the right thing to do. If you are Liberal, the bears are competition and it is treason to arm them. If you are Labor, the bears are larger than most other species and have enough advangtages already. If you are suburban, you don't want armed bears showing up at your doorstep. If you are skinhead or neo-Nazi, the bears are an inferior species and should not be armed. If you are a libertarian, it's not our job to arm bears. The bears should be arming themselves if they want their freedom or their rights.

    I used to live in the state of Victoria, and you know how you refer to Victorians as Mexicans – as in, south of the border? You should refer to Tasmanians as Cubans – as in, Communists.

    There was a debate between two ladies in Australian parliament, and one of the men shouted meow. One of the ladies accused him of practicing schoolyard politics, but really she should have just said Oink.

    And to finish off with the usual,

    Why did the crazy man cross the road? Because he thought that he was a chicken.
    Why did the scared man cross the road? Because he was chicken.
    Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was running away from a quack.
     

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