My Second Life and other Secrets

I'm ok. It kills me that my last house has doubled in value since I lost it four years ago. And it would be nice if my ex paid SOMETHING toward our son's college (especially since I paid almost half of a million dollars in child support). But all else is good. Retirement is six years away ... summer of 2024.

It sounds like you're doing ok?

 

Like you I lost a bunch and almost had to start my business from scratch again. So I try not to think about that. Now I spend a bunch. And I try not to think about that either! But I live a life I never could have imagined. A friend of mine claims I have experienced things most men only dream about. And my worst dates are better than most men's best dates. That may be true. In a sense I have lost perspective. Women in their 20s are about my age, right? But it has been an incredible adventure. My current sb is gorgeous and time with her is pure magic. That makes me happier than I can say. THAT'S what makes me get up every day.

 

Very cool. When I first got divorced, I was 41 and dating woman who was 26. It was fun and she was the nicest person I've ever met. But it only lasted six months. Now I date within five years of my age.

 

That's not a huge difference in age. I'm over 30 years older than the woman I see now. But I'm not interested in a typical relationship at this point. That being a given, I might as well go for youth and beauty. I can't keep em. But I find they can still be tremendously rewarding relationships. My first sugar baby was the greatest love of my life and I saw her for three years. Letting go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I knew the day had to come. I knew that the day I fell in love with her. And I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I've seriously dated 13 other women [as sugar babies] since and I'm falling in love with the young lady I see now. She is an amazing young woman.

It's funny in a sense. I have spent my entire life innovating. It is what I do much of the time professionally. Now I find myself inventing a new kind of relationship for myself. There are no rules when it comes to sugar relationships. They can be whatever you want them to be as long as you're both agreeable. So I decided to seek out and refine that special niche I had with my first again. It's a very fine line to walk but it works if you genuinely enjoy each other and have great chemistry.

There is a sense of reckless abandon that lends itself to a lot of fun too! Women will sometimes share things with their sugar daddy that most wouldn't tell their husbands. You are intimate but don't have a future to risk by revealing or daring too much. So they tend to be amazingly honest and willing... no, wanting to try things.

 

Sugar Baby 14 and I have been seeing each other for 16 months now. From the first moment it has felt like we belong together. We have always been a natural fit. And we always have a wonderful time together. Never a bad date. Never a harsh word. Never any bad feelings. We just enjoy each other and have a wonderful time.

About six months ago I told her that I had fallen in love with her. I made sure she understood that it isn't meant to be a burden to her. I don't want her to feel obligated. There are no expectations. "Just know that I love you."

Two nights ago she told me that she loves me and has for some time now. It came as a total surprise to me. I was completely unprepared for her words. She is only 22 and I'm in my mid 50s, so I don't expect to be able to keep her. But it makes the time we have together ever so sweet. I have a song in my heart again... and an angel in my bed.

 

I was talking with a couple of plant technicians who are both nearing retirement. One of them was talking about gauging the time you have left with a stick. The length of the stick is your total lifespan. Then figure out how much of the stick you have left given a normal lifespan. All you have left is a little bit at the top of the stick.

He is a classic example of what I mean when I talk about men just waiting to die. He is not only waiting, he is measuring it on a stick! His natural state of mind is acceptance and hopelessness. "That's why you have to make the top of the stick the best part of all!" I objected. Don't be resigned to death. Go out and live more than you ever have before. That's what I did. I changed my life in every way, started chasing hot young women, and making the most of the good years I have left. At this point his buddy stepped in. And look at you; all happy and acting young" he said to me. Other people can sense the energy I carry with me. I am seemingly generally happier than most people around me. And they notice. The difference is that I'm not just putting in my time and waiting to die.

For me it was beauty. There is truly nothing in the world I would rather be doing, than spending quality time with a beautiful woman. That is what makes me happy. For other men it might be family, fishing, hunting, or shooting craps. But I adopted the philosophy six years ago, that I wasn't going to waste the good years I have left. Do whatever it takes to have what you REALLY REALLY want, at your core. What are your deepest desires. Be brutally honest. And I dedicated my life to the pursuit of beauty. More than I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams, I have lived an incredible adventure. And now a 22 yo woman who takes my breath away has grown to love me, again! And I love her. How about that!?!?! Wow.

Life is what we make it. And amazing things are possible.

 

The problem, as I see it, is that one day she will wake up and realize that her immaturity got in the way of her brains. My belief is that
a woman under 27 has not matured. However, I am jealous and you are doing what every man dreams about because when you get right to the point, it is all about the sexual aspect at your age and a young nubile beauty is just what the doctor ordered. But you go, guy.
If you are still married, don't get caught.

 

I'm not married. I was married for over 25 years and never cheated on my wife.

I have talked with older women who did this when they were younger. I made a point to do so in a relationships forum. None of them expressed any regrets...none that I talked with. They all had good memories about their experience and the men they saw...that is to say, they still had fond memories of the men they liked back then. And my first SB and I are still friends over 3 years after she finally left me.

Typically, women who do this don't want to get too serious, so older men are a nice option. We are safe. We treat them better than young men do. And we can do more for them. And in almost no time at all, you really become blind to the age difference. If you truly enjoy each other, you quickly find that the age difference doesn't matter in the short term. In fact, when my first SB told me, after three incredible years, that she needed to move on, we spent one afternoon talking about what we had learned. She immediately said that most of all, she learned that age doesn't matter. "It cured me of ageism" were her exact words, as I recall. Planning a life together is another.matter entirely. But for finite relationships like these typically are, a lot of women just don't care about age. They care about how you treat them. They care about how you make them feel. They care about the quality of your time together.

One of the most important components of the required mindset is that you can't keep them. Just enjoy the time that you have together. Once you accept that, an entire universe of new possibilities presents itself.

FWIW, if you had told me ten years ago what my life would be like, I would have laughed and blown it off as a joke. I never could have imagined what is possible. But it hasn't all been good. Saying goodbye to my first SB was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I cried like a baby every day for two months. I cried more than for everyone I have ever lost, combined. But I knew that was going to happen the day I fell in love with her. And in searching for love again, I've been used and abused badly. But my first SB relationship proved to me that these can be fantastically powerful and rewarding relationships. And sure enough, it was possible to find love again. It took 119 coffee dates, countless dinners and 12 other sugar babies, but I found magic again. And even after all of that, I have to accept that it could end tomorrow. So you live in the moment.

 

You should hold seminars on this subject and charge people to attend. Woe is me is easy, people pay for "How to's"

 

Heh... funny you should mention it. I've had a number of people pounding me to write a book for several years now. A few weeks ago I started writing it. I've only hit on a few of the highlights in this thread. Most of all I feel compelled to reach out to other men who find themselves in the position I was in. I know a lot of men don't make it. They finally give up and put a gun to their head or drink themselves to death. I came within a hair's breath of pulling the trigger myself. I have a lot to say.

 

I am not sure what is the best way to go about it. A book seems to me like the hard way to go about it, a lot of work in that venture; so I hear. As I said I am not sure how to go about it but there are a lot of young people who have you tube channels where they just film their everyday lives and make serious money.

Your story is inspiring to me but I am at a point in my life where I just became an empty nester. I kind of like it! But at the same time I would love to have a honey around to spoil. Maybe someday but I really don't want to do the dating sites and go through 119 coffee dates.

 

It requires a great deal of work and dedication. But if the day comes that you want to look around, the level of dedication required depends on what you hope to find. At first I was just out to get a lot of sex. I went without for ten years. Then I fell into this lifestyle when I met my first SB. It was truly love at first sight. It was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. But I didn't plan it. I just got fantastically lucky. When she left, I was on a mission to find something like that again. And that is what took 119 coffee dates. It isn't the same as with my first sb but I didn't expect that it would be. This seems to be more a rising tide than a tidal wave.

The point is, it can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't necessarily require the level of dedication that I have. Friends with benefits is an easier thing to find. I wanted to fall in love again.

 

You are my hero.

 

Heh, thanks. But I'm just a guy who hit rock bottom and found a way out.

 

I left my first wife and for 5 years had the same experiences that you are having until I met my second wife. She is 15 years younger than me.

 

Something I've noticed over time is how other young women react to this. Currently I am working with a very attractive young engineer. I have told another engineer a little about my lifestyle and it seems to be nagging at him. So he outed me to the young woman I'm working with; probably hoped to sabotage our working relationship. But it backfired. She was intrigued from the start and I briefly explained my philosophy. I also showed her a photo of Number 1 and I together, which really set her back. Number 1 and my current SB are both total knockouts. I explained that I fell madly in love and wanted to find that again. She gets it. She even seems to be a little enamored by it. She is newly married and I'm totally respectful of that. But we definitely have gotten to be good buddies very quickly. We have a blast working together and there is great chemistry between us. Both engineers and I met for lunch and again he tried to put me down for my lifestyle. Then something funny happened..The young female engineer and I looked at each other and said in one voice "He doesn't get it". I couldn't believe that we both uttered the same words simultaneously. But she understands me. My backstabber buddy just sat there looking confused. He doesn't get it - he's not a romantic at heart so he can't begin to relate to the mindset. But he is certainly taking notice of how quickly I bonded with a pretty young woman. He is even calling us the Odd Couple now.

It doesn't matter why, when young women see an older man with other attractive young women, they take notice and often find it enticing.

 

Had a weekend planned but then she started her period. I don't care but she has a lot of cramping at times.

Which brings up an interesting point. She told me she loves me while we were in bed and about to have sex. Then, for the first time she didn't want to use a condom. After getting a little into things I stopped and asked if we have protection. That's when she said she had stopped taking the pill. If I hadn't said anything, we might have finished with no protection at all. I think she just forgot herself and got carried away. But I can't help but wonder if her desire to have a baby is kicking in. She has no place for that right now given her career path but I know those impulses can be strong.

We didn't know when she would start because she just stopped taking the pill. She started taking it to help with cramping but it wasn't working.

Anyway, I have to wonder what is going on in her head. Was that an innocent mistake or not... I really don't believe she consciously wants to get pregnant.

 

Never forget how difficult and time consuming it is to raise kids, and that you will always be with this woman whether you like it or not. In other words, don't let your pecker get in the way of your brains. I lived with a younger woman for a while, in between marriages, and she
wanted to get pregnant. I realized that she may have been setting a trap to get that noose around my neck. She miscarried.

 

I really don't think she wants to get pregnant. But yes. Luckily I kept my wits even in the throws of passion.

To be fair, I feel it too. "I want you to have my baby" is an impulse I feel with her at times.

I can't help but think of my first SB... I had a really intense dream that she was pregnant with my child. In my dream I was sooooooooo happy! So strange, I'd never had a dream like that about anyone before. And now I'm feeling those impulses again.

 

A lot goes through a man's mind when he is in the saddle and we see love babies dancing in our heads. Just don't act on it.

 

It is said that our perception of beauty is driven by primal triggers indicating reproductive viability. So it makes sense that a gorgeous young woman can trigger such feelings. It all comes back to the animal within. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

 

Still trying to get my head around this. This is the first time since my first SB, that I've said the L word, much less heard it back! It came as such a surprise that my natural inclination is to not believe it. However, it was unsolicited; having been six months since I told her that I was falling in love with her. She just popped out with it in bed and then didn't want to use a condom. The condom seems to cinche it. I really don't think she wants to get pregnant. So that must have been driven by other emotions. But now it is a matter of keeping the proper context. I really need to get an understanding of how she sees our relationship, without asking.

I am very good at keeping my emotions in check. I allow myself to feel the love without expectations. I keep wondering if I dare pull back on the controls and allow myself to feel more than I allow. I could probably fall hard for her if I opened the flood gates. But then again, this is always like tap dancing blind in a minefield. A change in my mindset could ruin it. I know what the magic is for me. I need to know what drives her feelings. We've often discussed how fantastically comfortable we were with each other from the first moment. And no doubt, the sex has always been fantastic. We naturally go together and have great chemistry. The only thing I have to go on beyond that is what she's said. "I have consistently shown that I actually care about her feelings". Who knows, it could be that simple. But I seriously doubt it. I just don't want to lose my head and ruin things.

Funny adder: She likes porn. I make a point to find porn that I know she will like, and we watch it together. She said that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her. Heh. She loves erotic lesbian porn. And I know what kind of women turn her on. So I spend a lot of time looking for properly hot lesbians. Tough work but someone has to do it!

 

Have you asked her if she has ever had a sexual or love relationship with another woman? Bisexual?
A long term relationship with her might give you the answers and resolve some issues. Of course, I did not follow this advice and
married my current wife after 6 months. They don't call me "studmuffin" for no reason. It was her idea and I went along with it. Maybe it was the luck of the draw, and we have been married for 30 years. She is my soul mate and best friend. However, it may not work for you in the same way since she is only 22 years old. My view is that women get over the hump at or about 27 years and men, who are more immature, need a few more years.

 

We met when she responded to my request for a woman to join my last SB [13] and I for a threesome. 13 was dying to be with another woman but never had the nerve to approach anyone. My current SB [14] has been with another woman a number of times. But it is only physical. She doesn't get emotionally invested. So I pointed out that she sees other women much like a teenage boy sees women. "OMG you're right!!!" she replied. "I'm a teenage boy!!!"

I've done threesomes before but this was something else. Easily one of the best nights of my life. And they felt the same way. We all agreed that night was pure magic.

That's the thing. I have no idea what potential may exist beyond what we have. Normally I just live in the moment and enjoy the time that we have together. Right now I have no idea what is possible. But that's a good thing. She specifically didn't want to get involved with anyone. It said so in her profile. This all fell into place by pure luck.

The real irony is that after 119 coffee dates and 12 other SBs, I found that special connection with a woman I normally never would have contacted. I only contacted her because she is gorgeous and said she likes men and women. She seemed a good candidate for our intended threesome. But she was adamant in her profile that she doesn't want to get into a relationship. Because of this, normally, I wouldn't have even contacted her.

So after working my ass off for over 2.5 years trying to find something special like I had with Number 1, she basically fell from the sky and right into my life.

 

One time.....in band camp......