My Second Life and other Secrets

i can wholeheartedly relate, my first sugar daddy had a fast car.

 

Been seeing the same beautiful young woman for almost a year now. I'm not madly in love but we have a wonderful, very natural chemistry together. It has always felt like we belong together in bed. Great sex! With the pandemic we haven't gone out much yet. We've done some nice dinners. But the rest is just hanging out at my place and binging Netflix or Amazon.

Most of my relationships have had a bit more drama, for better or worse. This has been very calm. She lives nearby so dates are easy. We always have plenty to talk about and we've never had a bad date. In many ways it is the most comfortable relationship like this that I've had.

Because I am still searching and hoping to find true love again, normally I might have moved on by now. I don't expect we will fall in love. But so far I have no desire look for someone else. This isn't true love but in it's own way it is very special. This is not easy to find. It has all been so natural from the first moment. And we really are great together in bed!

 

Oh yes, she is in her late twenties and was married for 8 years. But that fell apart and her clock is ticking. We have seriously discussed having children. I made a joke about it and she took it seriously. The next thing I knew, we were both giving it real consideration. My ex couldn't have kids and this would certainly be my last chance. And while I couldn't possibly promise to be around long enough to raise a child, her family has money. She would never find herself struggling.

But after we both took time to think about the reality that mean for both of our lives, we both started backpedaling. LOL! We are having fun! Why ruin it now. That would be the end of life as we know it. And we both know it! Not to mention the fact that we don't love each other in that way.

But for about a month we were both thinking about it a lot! When I said something to her about it her eyes lit up like Christmas.

 

Well color me red. Last night she told me she loves me
.
Given that she considered having my child, I guess I should have seen that one coming. I love her too. We don't have a burning passion but we do love each other.

How about them apples?

 

I had to fire this off to her today.

 

Fairy tale. It never happened.

 

Saw the last young lady for almost exactly a year. Then it just sort of fizzled out. I met someone new in record time - we made first contact before I officially ended it with the last young lady. We really hit it off from the first moment! It is complicated and I'm not sure if this is going to work but I really hope it does. We have amazing chemistry. I am drawn to her as if by a magnet. And she feels the same way. It is amazing. Whatever it is, it is very real. We have been together about five months now.

On the down side, freaking viagra is almost $50 a pill now! Jeeeeeezuz! My insurance won't cover any of the cost now. And the best condoms you can get [NaturalLamb] are 5 bucks a pop. So it cost me $55 to get an erection. LOL! Don't really need the viagra most of the time but having an off night is not an option.

Been living this life for about 10 years now I think.... That's how long I went without sex during my marriage.

 

Boy was I naive. At 29 1/2 years, I found out that my wife had been cheating on me for the past 2 years with my neighbor. I divorced her sorry butt and her boyfriends also dumped her. I took her to the cleaners with a Texas "at fault " divorce. She got half our stuff but I pay no alimony. When she left in shame I discovered that she had been blowing through $4k/month. I saved $4k every month while paying all our bills and putting our son through college. By the end of the divorce, 7 months, I had saved over $25k and only had to give X $4k on divorce day. I was about to buy her a new Jeep. I pick up MY new Jeep later this week. She makes $15/hr working at her first full time job in 30 years. My recently graduated 20 year old makes $9/hr more than her as a diesel mechanic. Even her family doesn't respect her. I'm getting ready to build my dream home with my divorce settlement and my 6 figure income. When I do become interested in women again, I will be ready and a little more self protective.

 

At 25 years I realized I had no idea who I had married and never did. Apparently my ex was never the person she pretended to be. Our entire marriage was based on a lie. Do you think your wife was always lying to you or did she change?

PS. My ex literally started cutting me off from sex on our wedding night. But of course she had a story....

 

How do you know this?

Even if it was totally imaginary I'll bet it was better than what you had

 

Heh, if it was imaginary the greatest love of my life never would have left me.

 

I've lived a fairly long life so far and have never had any one great love, though I've been infatuated some. I can't say I've really missed it that much either.

 

Since you've shared this much, I dare to respectfully ask why she wanted to get married at all? Surely she had misgivings about sex before the ceremony?

Did she perhaps lack the nerve to tell you and everyone else that she had changed her mind at the last minute (?)

 

I finally concluded that she never really had a sex drive. So in order to snag a sucker, she faked it.

Even when we divorced over 25 years later, she completely lost it when I said I was leaving. But I knew by then she didn't give a crap about me. What she wanted was my paycheck.

 

I didn't believe it was possible to love someone so much. It was the most intense experience of my life.

When she left 3 years later, I cried every day for 2 months. Letting her go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

In the end I arrived at the following conclusion: Saying goodbye was truly the hardest thing I've done in my life. And the sadness that followed was certainly overwhelming and virtually incapacitating. With 30 years between us I always knew the day would come. And I knew it would be unimaginably hard. And it was everything that I expected and worse.

But at the same time, the only reason letting go was so fantastically hard was the incredible joy I knew because of her. Every moment we spent together gave me more joy than I had ever known. For the first time in my life I came to know true bliss. It was the most incredible thing to ever happen to me. So whenever I felt that incapacitating, staggering sadness creeping in and reducing me to tears after she was gone, I was reminded of the intensity of the joy. I was reminded of our time together and her stunning beauty. And I never doubted it was worth the years of sadness for the time we had together. As has been noted, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I completely agree. So if that kind of love strikes, I recommend reckless abandon and full speed ahead. In many ways my life only began the night I looked into her eyes and lost control of my life.

 

She left over seven years ago and I've seen a couple of dozen women since. But I can still get reduced to tears thinking about her. I had hoped that if I meet enough women, I can find that again. But after having contact with well over 6000 women online, over 130 something coffee dates, and a dozen or so relationships that lasted from 3 months to 2 years, I have never found anything even close to what I felt with number 1.

I always figured she was one in a million. Still, I've made the most of the years since and have had some amazing experiences. And the journey continues... Things did not work out with the last young lady but I've been talking with someone new for a week. This is a first. She has a lot more money than I do.

 

Things seemed pretty good up until year 23-24. After that, she seemed kind of distant at times. She swears that the cheating didn't start until I found out about it, but I caught her in several lies during the divorce so I'll never trust a word she says. She's miserable and nobody seems to respect her. My only concern for her now is that she doesn't drag our boys down in some way. Her boyfriend dumped her as soon as I told his wife about the affair. X began talking about wanting me to take her back when she realized that her affairs ruined her chances of huge alimony. She is making $15/hr at her first ever full time job at the age of 51. Divorce was final in November 21.

I still have my share of the settlement to begin building a house and I just bought a new Jeep.(I was about to buy her a Jeep this time last year.) I'm saving thousands every month since she isn't spending my money. I got my youngest through school during the divorce and found him a job where he is making almost twice as much as his mother as a diesel mechanic.

 

Hopefully if and when you find the one she does not come down with cancer and someone online tells you you're lying about such a thing...

 

You know, should someone be foolish enough to trust in the basic decency of SOME of those they are posting to.... enough to share such an unfortunate detail of their life....

 

My ex went totally bonkers. Her own lawyer fired her during the divorce. LOL! She got caught lying in court too. I knew for a long time that she wasn't who I thought she was when we married. But I was so busy building my business that I ignored things I shouldn't have ignored. 100 hour weeks were the norm and I didn't have time to fight and sleep and keep the business going. So I kept letting things pass thinking that eventually it would all work out. You always hope things will get better. But over the years it just got worse. In the end she was so abusive that the situation became intolerable.

We were in court for three years. What a freaking nightmare!!!

My best buddy always wanted me to send her photos of my girlfriends but I never had the heart to do that. That certainly would have sent her into a meltdown. Her lawyer actually complained to my lawyer about her fits. She would have total screaming fits in his office. I kept laughing and saying how glad I was that she was his now.

Such a contrast, during the divorce I was with number 1 and going through the best and worst time in my life simultaneously. I often wondered if god sent me an angel to help me through those times. And I didn't even believe in god anymore!

 

When the divorce was over and we walked out the courtroom door, we went one way and my ex and her lawyer went the other. A minute or so after then went around the corner, her lawyer came running back to catch us. So we stopped and waited. He walked up to me, smiled, and shook my hand. Then he turned around and walked away. I have always taken that as the ultimate vindication. None of this was my fault.

 

Dam. I just got divorced but luckily mine was very civil and we just split our assets up peacefully. We only had to meet once and then just waited for the papers and then it was done 6 months later. Easy Peasy for us. I guess we got lucky

 

These stories speak to the old wisdom of long courtships. I was lucky. I knew within 15 minutes of meeting my wife that I wanted to marry her, and now we've passed the 30 year mark together, and I had never seen nor even heard of her before we met. Looking back, there were propitious indicators of success that even I didn't see, and I'll offer them here.

First, she spoke lovingly of her own family, especially her parents. That's a very strong tell. It would not have been her fault had she come from a broken home, of course. But she didn't. They were tightly knit people themselves -- still are -- who put family first. Always. Everything they did was for the good of the family. No personal ambition (though they are all high achievers), no jealousy, no vices, can displace that priority.

Second, she was upbeat. Cheerful. All optimism. "Keep on the sunny side." She and her family had suffered terribly at the hands of a repressive government (communist). She is still that way. No bitterness. She laughs in the face of misfortune.

Third, she wanted nothing of a material nature for herself. True, she has always hustled to get the best pay and the best promotions, and she saves like crazy, coupons and bargains, etc. but the money has never, and I mean NEVER, used for something stupid like jewelry for herself or a nice car. True, she has a shiny new BMW now (AFTER seeing the kids graduate without debt and getting good jobs), which she paid for in cash, but it just sits in the garage now because she is 100% devoted to caring for the grandchildren while our daughter and her husband work. No nail salons, no dumb shopping excursions, except for food and a new pair of running shoes now and then, and no "girls night out." Absolutely no buying anything on credit, except for our modest house, which we paid off way early.

Fourth, she doesn't lie around. She is always working, exercising, cooking, or cleaning. I guess all work and no play can make Jack a dull boy, but she is hardly dull.

My wife has her blind spots; she can become enraged when she doesn't feel like others in the family have their priorities straight. She also can be both suspicious of strangers and sometimes -- tough it's a contradiction -- too trusting of strangers.

I remember once when the kids were about 9 or 10, and were watching cartoons on TV. She asked if they had done their homework. "No." Next thing I know, she rips the cable out of the back of the TV set and it goes flying out the patio door and the kids are running upstairs to do their homework.

 

Same here. I was always very open and transparent with my wife, but when I found out about the affairs, I declared war and made sure to make her think what I wanted her to think. Her boyfriend dumped her after I told his wife about their affair. She was eager to make up with me and I implied that that might be possible in the future. (I'm not a good liar, but I pulled it off.) Meanwhile, I studied Texas divorce law and gathered all the evidence I needed. I handed my lawyer such a slam dunk case that her lawyer immediately sent us an offer when the evidence came out. I countered and they jumped on it. If I had dug a little deeper, I might could have found nudie pics. I did find out that they did exist. The case was such a slam dunk that my legal fees for the divorce were only $2602. I make over 4 times the money she now makes and I don't have to pay a penny in alimony because of "at fault" divorce in TX. (It's called spousal maintenance in TX.) A year ago, I was planning to buy my wife a new Jeep. Guess who just got a brand new Jeep. It wasn't her. By "same here" I meant that I didn't have to go to trial and it went smoothly.