My Second Life and other Secrets

Oh yes. The morning after I nearly committed suicide, I told my wife I wanted a defacto divorce and we agreed to live separate lives. I lived in my office for the next two years. And then we spent three years in litigation for no reason other than she went hostile. It was a nightmare divorce. At one point even her lawyer complained to my lawyer that she was having total meltdowns in his office.

But she lied and lied and lied, And in the end everyone knew that. Her first lawyer FIRED HER! LOL! It proved beyond any doubt I did the right thing - get out at any cost!

I never cheated even though I went ten years without any sex at all.

 

After we walked out of the courtroom for the last time, my ex and her lawyer went right and then around a corner. My lawyer and I went left. About 30 seconds later her lawyer came walking back towards us at a very fast pace. He motioned for us to stop. He walked up to me, smiled, shook my hand, and walked away.

 

Blue shirt, tan pants. Black pants make it too dark. And my nicest blue shirt goes nicely with the tan pants. Calming but not too dark.

I work every angle to gain an advantage. LOL! But the dumbest things can ruin a perfectly good opportunity. I recall that my first finacee said she almost left during our first date because of a joke I made. She only told me much later. At the time I had no idea! It was funny in retrospect but she really almost did leave, really over nothing. I had a close call with Number One early on as well. Until you really get to know each other, a slight misunderstanding or mistaken perception can ruin a great thing. That is why I bend over backwards over the details, For the first few dates, perception is everything. And much of it can be subconscious.

Smells are a big part of that. I have an entire laundry list of smells I employ, to include vanilla and cinnamon candles [lots of them], clean laundry, lemon, bleach, fresh coffee, and Febreeze deodorizer [great stuff]. Finally, a cologne that many many women have said they love.

A lot of women have commented on the smells when they arrive. They love it. They are all aphrodisiacs or help to induce a sense of clean, home, and safety.

 

We had a great dinner. So far, so good. I really like her.

 

She is very beautiful and, get this, she is just over 40 years old. But as I've said all along, if I'm attracted I don't care about her age. And I find her to be extremely attractive.

In her profile she said she wanted to know how a person wanting to date her can expand her world. What do we have to offer that will make her life more fun or interesting. I took a HUGE chance. Based on her apparently high intelligence, during dinner I went for an explanation of the Simulation Hypothesis and some ideas from Quantum Mechanics and information theory. LOL! But she seemed to be interested and enjoying the conversation. At one point I realized I was getting too deep into the weeds and I was losing her, so I quickly jumped back to more common territory. I think it was a close call but I also think I saved it.

Taking things slowly seems to be working. But we will see. She says she wants to see me again.

 

"Some old guy tried mansplaining quantum mechanics and information theory to me last night. He had it garbled so bad I couldn't figure it out at all and was just about to ask him where he had heard such gobbledygook when he got the idea my thoughtful expression was a blank stare and started in on how good the steak was. I may show him the letter I got from Roger Penrose in University on our next date."

 

What is your problem? Obviously you are posting nonsense. You don't have a life apparently so you have to harass me over mine.

I am amazed at all of the crackpot posts driven by nothing but jealousy. So sad. I have given pages and pages of explicit instructions on how to do what I'm doing. And i have talked about the highs and the extreme lows and the endless hours of work I do.

But being an internet troll takes no effort.

 

O lighten up willya. You shouldn't publish your diary if you don't expect a little humour to be made of it

 

Stop harassing me and making excuses to justify trolling.

 

There are a lot of men out there just like I was - suicidal - or just waiting to die. After almost ending it all I found a way out and I am sharing my story.

I have had a number of men tell me I have changed their lives. One guy said I probably saved his life. This is serious stuff. And it has been the greatest adventure of my life. That is why I post it.

 

deleted.

 

Woohoo, we have another date. She said she wanted to go out again but I wasn't sure if she meant it.

 

Holy crap, it just occurred to me, I may not need a condom! THAT would be nice!!!

 

I've had to reschedule two dates due to an injury! Ack! Luckily she doesn't think I'm screwing her around.

You can count the number of dates I've reschedule in the last 7 years on one hand, including these two.

 

Step on your **** too many times at PF?

Sorry couldn’t resist.

Seriously, hope it’s temporary and you recover soon.

 

I'm in rough shape and will be for awhile but we had a fantastic evening tonight nonetheless. She is reserved and likes to move slowly but the sex was freaking incredible! I lost count if you know what I mean. She wants to come back tomorrow LOL!

She is a VERY sexual woman. That has been lacking for quite some time. I haven't met anyone driven like her for several years at least, and maybe many more. We will see but so far this is looking fantastic. She is also the oldest woman I've dated in a very long time. She is only 20 years younger than me. Funny to say it that way but some women I've seen have been pushing 40 years younger.

 

Oh yes, I never really checked her out. When we met for dinner it was cold and rainy so she had on heavy clothing. I couldn't tell how fit she might be. But holy crap, she works out at least 5 times a week. And it shows! Smokin hot body!

 

Another great evening however... I have 7 empty Dom Perignon Champagne bottles still with the corks, lined up on a mantle with candles. Each of these came from a special evening with a previous SBs, Two are from special nights with Number One. I keep the corks in and for a very long time I can still smell the champagne. They are each a special memory for me. And it is decorative. Not to mention that is about $2500 in champagne. One bottle was $400 - Dom Rose, which I didn't even know they made.

Not surprisingly however, my new lady views them as trophies. And I don't blame her. In fact I've been doing this so long I have noted a number of problems in this regard. It is all so practiced that it shows. There are a number of reminders that I have seen a lot of women. I even find myself saying things in very general terms about things women like or want, which clearly suggests that I've seen many women. I'm not a player but in some ways it really looks like it.

This gets back to one of the big paradoxes I have noted. Even though the women set the limits, even though the whole game depends on my understanding that I can't keep them, they still want to be treated just like any woman in a regular relationship. They don't want to feel like a trophy or one of many. The irony is that I sometimes wish I could keep them. I would have married Number One in a heartbeat. I don't want to know that I have to let them go. But those are the unspoken rules if I am to date women 20 to 35 years younger than me.

It has been 7 years since Number One left and I have seen many women over that time. I have been trying to find something like what I had with Number One. I have been looking for the kind of love that turns your life upside down and leaves you barely able to function. I want to be so much in love that I can't eat and I can't sleep. I want to be so obsessed that every time I close my eyes, all I can see are her eyes, just like with Number One. I'm about as far from being a player as a man can be. I have been looking for true love. It is ironic that after this long, it starts to look entirely like the opposite. And while I haven't found true love again, I have had some very special nights. As they say, sometimes the point isn't the destination, it is the journey. Not my choice but things are what they are.

We talked and I explained. She seemed to understand. Those aren't trophies. Those are memories.

 

Nice thread.

I've lived many lives.
I've been a Jehova's Witness [so, I was waiting for the end of the world, but it was on delay!].
I've been a Scientologist [so, don't trust me: I could control your mind!].
I've been an investigative Ufologist [not exactly appreciated by Italian military authorities].
I've been a coworker of a US government agency, but I've signed a secrecy agreement ...

But overall, I've been an idiot!

 

There is a part of me that is saying, I start to see an older woman, and it took 2 dates for her to start complaining.

I can't get that out of my head right now. A big part of my nightmare was my ex constantly complaining about anything and everything. I have no tolerance for complaining.

I am going to try to get past this and see if this is warning sign or just getting settled in. But I am feeling a strong impulse to say screw it! I won't put up with bitching. That it already started on our third date is very concerning.

 

I keep thinking that she seems to want a much deeper connection than the younger women do. That is why the bottles bother her. She also felt compelled to move the candles around. In short, I think she is nesting. She wants to put her mark on things. And that is what I want. So I'm going to hide the champagne bottles and other reminders of my lifestyle. If she wants to get close, I am willing to do what it takes for her to be comfortable.

...a leap of faith.

She is coming over again later. 3rd time this week.

 

Well, we had a fantastic night. And already we have genuine intimacy. This is moving fast and as of tonight I started falling for her. I told her so too. Damn we are good together. Taking down the bottles was a good move on my part. She knew I did it for her.

And this is really funny. I've never had a favorite porn model before. But I ran across one that really does it for me. I think she is sexy as hell. I've never had a favorite porn star before but she just has that certain look. Not slutty or anything like that. Just sexy. I can tell with a look that she is a driven woman. I don't know how but I have learned to tell.

Well SOB, my new girl looks a lot like her! I could even believe it is her if it wasn't so unlikely. And she is most certainly a driven woman.

 

She found some Old English 800 in one of the compartments of the headboard of my bed. She accused me of using it to masturbate. Of course! I replied. What else would you use on a woody?

 

Hey, it's well known that women neither belch nor fart. They have to bitch or they'll explode

 

That is probably one reason why this lifestyle works for me. Number One used to call this a "No-hair-in-the-sink relationship". You spend time together and have fun, but not so much that you start to drive each other nuts. The goal is to mostly have the good stuff and not the bad stuff. It should be our bliss and joy in life.

My ex made me so incredibly miserable for so many years that once I hit my breaking point, there was no going back. Not only do I not tolerate complaining, if a woman reminds me of my ex in any way whatsoever, I can't deal with it. But in this case I totally understood her reaction and tried to ignore my impulse reaction. I took down the bottles and scored some big points because she knows I did it for her. And so far this is going really well.