Not to detract from this great little lady (or Monty Python) Brett Kavanaugh; "So the decision of the supreme court is..." Nancy Pelosi (lugging a clearly comatose RBG); "Wait, the Ruth Bader Ginsberg votes against the motion!" BK; "Congresswoman Pelosi, this Supreme Court Justice is clearly dead" NP; "No, she's not dead, she's just asleep" BK; "Asleep? Well wake her up then!" NP; (prodding RBG); "There, look, she moved!" BK; "She didn't move, you poked her! This supreme court justice is dead! She is no more! She has ceased to be! She's pushing up the daisies! She's shuffled off the mortal and joined the choir invisible! This is an EX supreme court justice!"
BBC correspondent; "And you join us here at the opening battles of the 2nd American civil war. First of all we'll speak to pro-Trump faction" Tobacco chewing good old boy with a Confederate flag pick up truck and an M16; "Yeah our strategy is to build a great big wall to keep out all the abortionists, illegal immigrants, welfare cheats and anyone who doesn't watch Fox News and shoot'em if they try to get over it!" BBC correspondent; "Disturbing talk indeed! Now let's see what the anti-Trump faction is planning" Hipster millennial standing by an electrically powered smart car holding a coffee cup; "We'll wait for them to try and violate our safe spaces and then yell 'MICRO-AGRESSION!" and throw our non-fat, decaf soy lattes at them" BBC correspondent; "That doesn't sound much a plan?" Hipster; "Well we don't believe in private gun ownership. We hoped Black Lives Matter would do the fighting for us".
The Handmaid protesters (are they still going?) turn up and knock on the Whitehouse door. Melania opens it; Handmaid; "Hi, we're here to..." Melania; "Pick up Donald's autographed copy of him appearing in Playboy?" Handmaid; "No we're here to..." Melania; "Pick up my autographed copies of me posing nude in my model days?" Handmaid; "No we're here to..." Melania; "Join my Jewish convert stepdaughter and her Jewish family for a traditional kosher meal?" Handmaid; "No we're here to protest against your husband trying to turn America into a sexually repressed Christian fundamentalist state" Melania; "Are you sure you've got the right address?"
Millennial hipster walks along the beach and discovers fancy bottle, He rubs it and a genie appears; Genie; "Thank you for releasing me, I can grant you 3 wishes" Hipster; "Really?" Great, I would like Donald Trump to be impeached for obstruction of justice" Genie; "Done!" Hipster; "Great, so he's in jail?" Genie; "No, he was found not guilty by the Republican dominated Senate" Hipster; "Oh, in that case I'd like the Senate to find him guilty" Genie; "Done!" Hipster; "So he's in prison" Genie; "No, he got $90,000 fine" Hipster; "That's it?" Genie; "That's what Bill Clinton got" Hipster; "Okay then, guilty of campaign finance violations" Genie; "Done, he got a $350,000 fine. Like Obama" Hipster; "Russian collusion..." Genie (disappearing); "Yeah, don't push your luck pal"
Millennial hipster walking down the street is approached by a petition taker; Petitioner; "Hello, would you like to sign my petition for unrestricted immigration?" Hipster; "Sure" (signs it) Petitioner; "What do you do for a living?" Hipster; "Oh I'm a data processor" Petitioner (beckoning over young Mexican man); "Ok, this is Ernesto, he'll be taking your job from now on for minimum wage. Please show him the ropes" Hipster; "WHAT?" Petitioner; "Well you knew all these immigrants would be taking American's jobs?" Hipster; "Other people's, not MINE!" Petitioner; "Boy, that's progressive!"
