A construction worker, an artist, and a biologist are sitting on a bench. A beautiful young women who was slim, fit, and shapely walked by. "Man she is hot!" declared the construction worker. "That babe is stacked!" "My God she is Beautiful" declared the artist, "She warms my heart like a spring sunrise". Yeah, very high reproductive viability, gushed the biologist.
Programmers are always getting Halloween and Christmas confused. This occurs because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
What do you call the guy who graduated last in his class from the worst medical school in the country? Doctor
It has been determined that people who have been exposed to the intense magnetic field used in MRI medical scanners, have a tendency to walk North.
Tesla just released a new car called The Heisenberg. But the car has a problem. The speedometer and Google Maps can never be used at the same time.
There are two kinds of math in biology. In Sexual Biology Math, 1+1=3. In Asexual Biology Math, 1+0=2
Define that X = Y = 1 Therefore X^2 = Y => X^2 - 1 = Y -1 [subtract 1 from both sides of the equation] => (X-1)(X+1) = Y-1 [Difference of two perfect squares] => (X+1) = 1 [Since X = Y and canceling common terms] => X = 0 [combining terms] => 1 = 0 Therefore 1 is equal to 0 and [adding 1 to both sides] 2 = 1 3 = 2 etc Since 1 = 2 = 3 = ... = n, all numbers are equal.
What kind of weapon can you make from Potassium, Nickel, and Iron? A KNiFe My rocks are gneiss, do not take them for granite. Q: Why should you not lend geologists money? A: They consider a million years ago to be Recent. Q: What did Darth Vader say to the geologist? A: May the quartz be with you.
If it never gets finished it's engineering. If it stinks it's biology. If it blows up it's chemistry. And if it never works it's physics.
A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow. The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!” The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.” “How so?” “They’re knot theorists.” The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.” “Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.” So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.” “Arf! Arf!” barks the dog. The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.” “Mu! Mu!” says the cow. At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar. Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”
Physics is to Math what Sex is to Masturbation --Richard Feynman Richard P. Feynman, QED, The Strange Theory of Light and Matter, Penguin Books, London, 1990, p 9. (1) \ Nobel Lecture, 1966
What distinguishes the good theorists from the bad ones? The good ones always make an even number of sign errors, and the bad ones always make an odd number.'"-Anthony Zee, Quantum Field Theory in a Nutshell
Question posed to a biologist: What is the evolutionary advantage in having knees that bend forward instead of backwards…i.e. why don’t our knees bend the other way? Answer received: “Bipedal animals that had backward-bending knees could only run backwards and they kept bumping into trees. That's why they became extinct.”
