Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Mr Jones was playing golf and died of a heart attack. Nobody wanted to tell Mrs Jones. One of his friends had an idea and told her that Mr Jones had lost $5000 playing poker. Mrs Jones said he probably dropped dead. “Funny you should mention that,” said his friend.
     
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  2. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
    “Well ...” the man drawled. “Not bad at all, to be honest. The wife isn’t all that interested any more, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over 30 years old.”
    “My goodness, Frank, and at your age, too?” the doctor said. “I hope you took at least someprecautions.”
    “Yep. I may be old, but I’m not senile yet, doc. I gave them all a fake name.”
     
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  3. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    An old gentleman is standing is standing at the gates of Heaven trying to remember his name so St. Peter can look it up in the Big Book. Peter isn’t sure what to do, so he asks Jesus for help.

    Jesus says to the man, “Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory.”
    The old man says, “Well, I had one child, a son.”
    Jesus smiles, “Oh, I was an only child. Go on.”
    “I was… some kind of woodworker – a carpenter, perhaps,” says the man.
    Jesus says, “Huh, another coincidence. Can you remember anything else?”
    The old man shakes his head and says, “You might not believe it but my son came to life by a miracle!”
    Jesus’ jaw drops, he smiles and tears come to his eyes. “Father?” he asks.
    The old man’s eyes open wide, “Pinocchio?”
     
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  4. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    On the side of an old tin building on the road out of town.
    "Johnsons Tool Works"
     
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  5. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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  6. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  7. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  8. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I was asked if I would do a bungee jump for charity. I said,
    .
    .
    .
    " If I was pushed."
     
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  10. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I've never understood the fascination people have with an incredibly dysfunctional family.
     
  11. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Like horror stories.
     
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  12. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Jackson 5 springs to mind.
     
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  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Like car crashes you know you shouldn't look but.
     
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  14. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    They at least made some music. Kim thinks balancing a glass of champagne on her ass is an incredible talent.
     
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  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    TBF I couldn't do it lol
     
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  16. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I bet you could if you got ass implants like hers
     
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  17. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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  18. The Rhetoric of Life

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  19. The Rhetoric of Life

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    It's all well N' good until someone like Gary Glitter comes along and thinks 'oo, £1, what's the catch?'
     
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  20. The Rhetoric of Life

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    I wonder if when she farts, it squeeks.
    ?
     
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  21. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    A valid question. I should think butt implants are like breast implants in that they prevent natural movements. Normally, your two cheeks are acquainted with each other and that's where the sound comes from when gasses escape. If her cheeks don't actually make contact passing gasses would make no noise at all.
    I've not actually done a study of this but perhaps Trump's planned $2 trillion infrastructure fund could finance one.
     
  22. Collateral Damage

    Collateral Damage Well-Known Member

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    This is just way too intellectual this early in the day. :D
     
  23. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Late afternoon here.
     
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  24. ToddWB

    ToddWB Well-Known Member Donor

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    Good morning all,
    Are you kidding! She doesn't fart, there is a gas processor implanted it those oversized buttocks that converts escaping gas to a mild wafting, continual perfumed scent. Now.. I am surprised that the nurse only makes $20K, maybe twenty years ago, and $27 million for what ever it she does (market a .. line of products and dirty pictures?) makes my point about the ever-accelerating decay of morality here in the USA.
     
  25. The Rhetoric of Life

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    She looks like a mermaid in that dress.
     
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