Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Ain't that a bitch?
     
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  2. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Well, not really funny to me, a guy just crashed into the back of me this morning at a roundabout. The joys of whiplash and a sprained/fractured wrist.

    I was in the rundaround car so it's probably now written off, the cost of pulling the back end out will be more than the car.

    Just gonna nip to the hospital for a quick check.

    I've been rammed up the back end!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  3. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Hope your wrist isn’t broken.
     
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  4. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    No KY jelly? I hope he at least paid for dinner.
     
  5. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Well I'm sure you've come to just the right place for some sympathy.

    Some limp wristed people would pay good money to be whiplashed and rammed up the rear end though...
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
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  6. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    He got it from Sally. She's the nice person here. As for the rest of us....
     
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  7. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    he won't realize it until he misses a meal or two, panic sets in, and then he'll say to himself, "ya know what, i'm liking the peace and quite... i'll grab a burger on the way to the hardware store to get new lock... scratch that, get the locks first eat afterwards"
     
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  8. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Thanks, hospital examination concluded a bad sprain.
     
  9. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Hold the phone. I thought your universal health care was so bad it would take weeks to see a doctor. Have we been misled?
     
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  10. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    How do you keep a moron in suspense?

    Its not what you think.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  11. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    No I’m not, I’m horrible.
     
  12. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Yes, foreigners haven't a clue ;)
     
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  13. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Look at who you are being compared to, it's a relative term. Horrible you may believe but next to us you're one of God's angels on Earth.
     
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  14. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A man is at work one day, when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a conservative guy, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” The co-worker responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.” The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one?” The co-worker responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck
     
  15. DarkDaimon

    DarkDaimon Well-Known Member

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    Don't ever go to Texas and order Mountain Oysters, they ain't fish!
     
  16. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Kim Kardashian West reveals she is studying to be a lawyer.

    She's currently into her 98th episode of Judge Judy...
     
  17. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Speak for yourself I'm "pure", now where's the matches?
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
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  18. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I went to a gay lap dancing bar with Dwarves at the weekend, totally out of character for me


    You could say I was feeling a little queer...
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
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  19. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
     
  20. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What did the Elephant say to Nonnie after his shower?


    You breath outa that thing?

    OR~

    Impressive, but can you pick up a peanut?
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
  21. Collateral Damage

    Collateral Damage Well-Known Member

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    Having been through a 'bad sprain' of my ankle, the doctor mentioned I would have been better off if I had broken.

    Exactly who would have been better off, I'm not sure.....
     
  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Texas wisdom. ( love number 5)
    1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
    2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
    3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
    4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
    5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
    6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
    7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
    8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
    9. Don't squat with your spurs on.
    10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
    11. Always drink upstream from the herd.
    12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.
     
  23. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    In a recent survey 90% of poles said they liked living in the UK.
     
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    What's blue and ****s old ladies?
    .
    .
    .
    A perverted smurf.
     
  25. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Just putting the finishing touches to my "Gay test" took a year of research an £3 million it's been refined to a single question guaranteed to answer if you are homosexual with 100% success rate, so here it is.



    Is your name Nonnie?
     
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