Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Hook looks painful.

 

I'm a bilingual illiterate. I can't read in two languages.

 

One thing you don't see much of are plastic bags in trees. I think because since now they cost 5p, people are less likely to climb up a tree to put them there.

 

Our gloomy newspapers are quick to report the death of a much loved celebrity, but no mention of when a new one is born. Bring us some good news for a change.

 

They say you are significantly more likely to die in hospital on a Friday than you are on a Monday. Well obviously, you are 5 days older on a Friday. What do these statisticians get paid or?

 

technically, it wouldn't be 'drinkin' from the bag

 

true, because my birth was never mentioned.

 

Yeah, it’d be the absorption method wouldn’t it?

 

During a airline flight a Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "Man!! And all these years I've been chewing gum.

 

An entire episode of South Park was devoted to the procedure and it's benefits.

 

wonderin if the absorbtion rate remains constant or does the colon get 'dozy' after having a few

 

the last few months i've been blaming the drier for shrinkin my clothes
.
.
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turns out it was the refrigerator

 

Literally genius especially for a Cannibal Corpse fan like myself

 

I can do this I just don't want to

 

I bet she was ******** herself!

 

That is why we send young men off to war..they are going to get killed anyway, might as well get some good from them first.

 

Waste of good *****!

 

We shouldn't treat Jo Brand too harshly, she once suffered the trauma of an acid attack herself .



Someone put far too much vinegar on her chips.

 

Looks kind of ******y too.

 

FDA issues warning after patient dies from fecal transplant containing drug-resistant bacteria
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...ia-fecal-transplant-kills-patient/1451580001/
I don't care how good your **** is be careful sharing it.

 

what tha sh*t were they thinkin???

 

It was this one on the same page
"'Flesh-eating' genital infection linked to certain diabetes drugs, study finds" I'm never eating sugar again.

 

A Northern couple was visiting the deep south had stopped along a dark back road for a rest.

All at once there was a tapping on the window. The women screamed "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!" Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.

The husband stared the car and shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour.

"Step on it!" shrieked the wife, "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.

The husband shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.

Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window.

"You better giver 'er some more gas!" "He's still out there."

"I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.

About that time the redneck motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did.

"Say!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"