Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

I was doing a crossword when I asked the wife, "What's a four letter word for a female relative? Ends with UNT."
She replied, "Aunt."
I said, "Oh. Pass me the Tippex!"

 

I'm in the red band, just

 

is that a russian rap group or a chinese orchestra

 

RIP Beth

 

(Checks to be sure it's the tasteless thread. Ok. Sally cover your eyes.) It's a women's group that only plays once a month.

 

I saw on Twitter crazy feminists arguing that SP is racist because they called the black kid Token Black and I thought these people really don't get it do they lol.

 

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 3am.
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Can you believe it! Luckily I was still up playing the drums!

 

I stayed up to watch the debates, I think the joke might be on me.

Still same time tomorrow

 

My next door neighbor knocked on my door wearing just a see through negligee, asked to borrow a cup of sugar and then winked at me and asked to come in for a cup of coffee.
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I said, "Piss off Dave. I've got to go to work!"

 

It'll be over 100 degree F here (42 C) daily, until sometime in September.. I like it, keeps the tourist away.

 

I like CWBChicago
https://twitter.com/CWBChicago/status/1144235744271249413

 

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged...
..., but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."

 

It has been a bit of a strange day today... First of all I found a hat full of money in the high street, then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar!

 

Why are most Italian men in America named Tony?
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When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY on their foreheads.

 

There's a new form of malware going around. Beware! If you get an e-mail titled "Nude pictures of Nancy Pelosi"
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DO NOT OPEN IT! It contains nude pictures of Nancy Pelosi.

 

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch...
... and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.
The Water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified.
So the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs....'Your card! Show him Your card!'

 

Do you think you can eat a lot?



Molly says hold my beer

 

Too late and I saw the one where she was tea bagging Obama. Gross.

 

How could she tea...oh nevermind, wouldn't want to ruin your vibe.

 

I was raped in jail
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My dad took Monopoly really seriously

 

Grotesque and a disgusting waste of food.