Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

My father was talking about how the hills all looked like boobs and I asked if he'd ever taken a Rorschach test, and my younger sister said, "What's that?" and my father said, "Bunch of dirty pictures."

 

My therapist says I need to work on my dependency issues… but she’s the one that wants to see me twice a week.

 

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges.
On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

 

I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy
... arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.

I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"

There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."

 

BREAKING NEWS - Police warn that the Sudoku killer will kill either 1, 4 or 9 victims next.

 

the scene from Armageddon always cracked me up.

 

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

 

CARDI B Blasts NYPD ...'F*** YOU, SUCK A FART & SUFFOCATE ON IT!!! '

Not that makes for a vivid image.

 

Each passing year, sees me inch closer to making modifications to the car....

 

That is so very, very old,

if not "lame"​

BTW her name is Ilean!

 

I

I’ve never seen it before and wondered if it were too tasteless. Apparently not!

 

Is it my imagination or is she wearing a 5 inch heel?

 

It’s actually a 32” heel.

 

Definitely 5"

 

Space stalking NASA style
https://www.foxnews.com/us/nasa-astronaut-identity-theft-bank-account-divorce-wife

 

Now he wants to nuke hurricanes? For God's sake Japan, show him what happens when nukes get set off in the ocean!!!!!

 

A parson went to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he talked for only eight minutes. On the second Sunday he talked for only ten minutes. On the following Sunday he talked for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they asked him what happened.

The parson explained that on the first Sunday his gums hurt so badly that he couldn't talk for more than eight minutes. On the second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.