Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Mea culpa, mea culpa.
     
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  2. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I realized my mistake after I posted, it's not that you lack a sense of shame as evidenced by all the shameful things you find, no it's your ability to completely ignore it and share with us some if the best
     
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  3. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Thank you. My sense of humour inclines to the rougher side.
     
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  4. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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  5. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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  6. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A Trashy Career
    “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

    “He wants to be a garbageman,” he replied.

    “That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

    “Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays.”
     
  7. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    The death if Solemanni among other odd benefits has produce a bumper crop of gallows humor.
    Among the worst examples are: we now know he had dandruff. When they searched the wreckage they found head and shoulders.

    We also discovered he had blue eyes. One blew east and the other west.
     
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  8. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Meh, recycled IRA jokes from the last century.
     
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  9. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    You will note I did claim they were awful.
     
  10. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for sharing.
     
  11. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    Your welcome.
     
  12. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Stevie Wonder is playing in Japan for the first time ever...
    Sitting at the piano in a concert hall, keen to please his new audience, Stevie shouts "Before I start, does anyone have any requests?"

    Some little old Japanese man at the very back of the hall stands up and shouts back "Do a jazz chord!"

    So Stevie obliges, playing an Eb Minor diminished seventh, with some arpeggios up and down the keyboard.

    The crowd starts applauding and cheering Stevie.

    He shouts "Does anyone else have a request they'd like to hear?"

    The same Japanese man stands up and shouts insistently "No, do a Jazz chord, a Jazz chord!"

    So Stevie tries a bit harder, improvising a jazz solo based around a few key chords, and breaks away into a full 3 minute jam with the backing band.
    The crowd goes absolutely wild at this incredible display of showmanship, giving him a standing ovation.

    Once again though, the Japanese man jumps and and screams "NO, NO, A JAZZ CHORD!"

    Frustrated at this man's apparent lack of appreciation for his talents, Stevie shouts back "Alright mister, you come up here, and you do a bloody jazz chord!"

    So the Japanese man unblinkingly gets up out of his seat, hobbles towards the stage, gets ahold of the microphone and starts singing..."A jazz chord, to say, a ruv you...."
     
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  13. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    WARNING !!! Very tasteless.

    The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.

    It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden ship and the figure turns and says "I'm Noah and I use Goldman Nails."

    The second submission is from an elderly gentleman. It opens with a king sitting surrounded by men working on a great temple. The king says "I am king Solomon and all of my men wisely use Goldman Nails."

    The last submission was by little Johnny. It opens on a desert. A man runs across the screen. He has a crown of thorns on this head and blood is coming out of his side. It is clearly Jesus. He runs off and two Roman Centurions run into focus. They look at each other; winded, one says to the other "We should have used Goldman's nails"
     
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  14. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Sally, bravo, that's tasteless on so many levels.
     
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  15. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Yup. She nailed it.
     
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  16. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Thank you, thank you.
     
  17. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Thank you, thank you.
     
  18. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    I’m on a roll!
    A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency
    looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

    So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

    The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

    The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

    Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

    This time the wife explains, "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

    The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

    The husband says, "It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
     
  19. Xyce

    Xyce Well-Known Member

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    A fortnight ago, most people knew nothing about Solemanni.

    He seems to have blown up overnight.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
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  20. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse
    .
    .
    .
    and strategically using it against them
     
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  21. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what it was.
    Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

    Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

    She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

    "Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."

    Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!

    Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

    Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"

    Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
     
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  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A man goes to a hypnotist.
    “I want to forget my ex-wife”

    The hypnotist is like “OK then. I’ll see what I can do”

    Next day the man goes to a psychologist.

    “I think I was abducted by aliens. I don’t remember anything but I feel humiliated and empty, my penis is all numb and I even think they took my money”
     
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  23. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    You OK Sally? Fires close to home? Australia isn't going Mad Max on us is it?
     
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  24. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Thank you for asking.
    Away from me but Corryong is the home town. my brother still lives there. Fires very very frightening me!
    Food prices going up already ac a friend of mine. Dunno what she bought but not fifty cent increase, two or three dollars.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
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  25. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    If you open a Thunder dome be sure and invite us. You're just the lady for the job.
     
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