Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!

 

We were about to observe our first autopsy in medical school, and my friend asked me, “What do you think it’ll be like?”
I said, “Remains to be seen.”

 

What do you call an Irishman who can deflect bullets?
Rick O' Shea

 

Cinderella was now 95 years old....

After a fulfilling life with the now-dead prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother!"

The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned - and Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.

Then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life." With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young, muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered....

"Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off!"

 

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll.
I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

 

Wow!

 

Geeeze, men get arrested for that and Mrs. Vaughn gets congratulated. Seems unfair.

 

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"
He said, "Aisle B, back."

 

Well.. there is an innocence to it.. I drove around for years with a rainbow sticker on my car.. had no idea it was other than a colorful sticker it was the cheapest thing I could buy in my friend's (acquaintance's?) new shop.

 

Where was Mrs. Vaughn when I was in skule?

 

Meh. Most men give them up at the wedding.

 

BTW, the guys that don't forfeit them are called "divorced."

 

Some of these stories remind me of when I was a kid and axed my dad for $5. He asked what I was gonna do with it, and I told him I wanted to get a guinea pig. He gave me $10 and told me to get a nice Irish girl instead.

 

heh...

Reminds of my sister trying to become a novitiate at a Catholic convent. The Mother Superior asked is she believed in sex before 18. She answered no that that was much too large a crowd.

 

Adjust your windage.

 

Thanx for these.. my Mexican wife doesn't get a lot of our Anglo humor.. but these she does!

 

Jennifer Aniston went bra-less at the SAG Awards

Now what´s wrong with this headline?

 

To cockroaches.