Tasteless Humor

Reminds me of this old chestnut.

Do you smoke after sex?

I don't know, I have never looked!

<bada boom>

 

How does Michael Jackson know when it's time for bed?

When the big hand is on the little hand.

<bada boom tssss>​

 

Why was Rock Hudson buried face down?

So his friends would recognize him.

 

WEENIE TEST
Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.

"Okay." They all agree.

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips 4 inches out.

"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his 6.5 inches out, and proudly shows that his is at least 2 inches longer.

Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest at 9 inches! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen."

 

This is my month. I turn 79 and believe me, compared to many my age, I am very very well.

So, I am older than Hillary. Why is she getting all that help to walk up stairs?

 

What is the difference between a Frenchwoman and a basketball team?

The basketball team showers after 4 periods.

<bada boom tssss>​

 

Heard this back in the 70s.

Why are black peoples noses so big?

That's how God held them when he spray painted them.


Why did so many black soldiers die during Vietnam?

Cause when someone yelled, "Get down." They all got up and started dancing.

 

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
-
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr.
This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
-
The second Arab nods, “They blow up so fast, don't they?"

​

 

Why do women have legs?

To carry your sperm from the bedroom to the toilet.

 

What do you call 3 nails, 2 planks of wood, and 1 dead body?

A Jesus puzzle.

 

True story: Even though I voted for Hillary, I can't stand her. Never could. One day I was on a work site surrounded by Trump lovers who were dissing Hillary. So, just to screw with them I chimed in and said, "What are you guys talking about? She's a very sexy woman!"

These idiots didn't know I was joking. One of the electricians came over and sort of got in my face, and said, "You are one sick fck!" I had just taken a slurp of coffee and almost spit it in his face due to bursting out in laughter. I never did tell them I was kidding. It was too much fun watching them wince and fake vomiting.

 

The young Indian lad goes to his father, the chief, and asks:

"Father, please explain again how I got my name."

The old chief replies:

My son, when your older brother was born, I walked out of the teepee and the first thing I saw was a buffalo running, so I named him Running Buffalo.

When your older sister was born, I walked out of the teepee and the first thing I saw was an eagle in the sky, so I named her Flying Eagle.

Why do you ask, Two Dogs F***king?

 

An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones.

The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband responded: "I'm sitting on the toilet takin' a ****. Please advise."

WWWWAlmost brings a tear to my eyes.

 

OKay, this is common to Democrats. They love to antagonise. They enjoy taunting. They plan to cause havoc.

 

And common to righties, a harmless joke evoked a threat.

In another time, when people weren't out of their freaking minds, they would have recognized if for the harmless joke it was intended to be.

 

Read it again. See how angry you got. Face it, you hated my comments.

 

Normally when you make a man angry, yes, he may indeed threaten you. But it is in his view, a return attack, not an original attack.

 

Q: what is worse than finding a hole in your condom?


A: finding a condom in your hole!

 

A classic,

 

Three doctors are talking about death.

The first, a dentist, says,
“When I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”

“Hey,” adds the cardiologist,
“that’s not a bad idea, I’d love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…”

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says,
“I think scattering of the ashes is my option.”

<bada boom tssss>​

 

My wife and I listed our house for sale some years ago. The agent wanted to have an open house, so we made arrangements to be away for the day. When we got home, we found a toy rubber snake on the dinner table which some kid must have left behind. Our agent added a note:

"Someone left their attorney behind."

 

My wife...I love my wife...I love her nose...The way it turns up...........Then down.........Then up.....Then down....

 

A cardiologist is walking down the street and he sees one of his patients walking hand in hand with a voluptuous woman in a mink coat. He stops to talk with the man and ask how he is doing. "Never better!" The old chap exclaims"I am following your advice - I got a hot Mama and I am cheerful!" The cardiologist groans"No! I said ""You have a heart murmur be careful!!"

 

That reminds me of the Japanese immigrant who thought he had to take Viagra on election day.