Tasteless Humor

My neighbour was showing me her rape kit, whistle, siren, torch, pepper spray, billiard ball in a sock, GPS linked to her partners phone, pen. notepad, and a disposable camera.
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**** me, mines only a balaclava and a knife.

 

The City's largest Charitable Organisation realised that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?'


The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'


'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and unable to support his wife and six children?'

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.


'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'


The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I apologise for bringing up the topic with you.'


The lawyer's response: 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?'

 

Went over my head.

 

Gawd!

 

Basil is now 55 years old and has 6 kids.

 

Dear Joe Bob,

I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved.

I won’t be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is really nice. I even have a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven’t seen it since.

The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.

Your Favorite Aunt

 

I'm not an expert on masturbation but I can hold my own.

 

Why do blokes give their coats to girls when they're cold?
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No bloke wants a blow job when the girl's teeth are chattering.

 

I got in touch with my feminine side this morning.
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I crashed my car.

 

All on the dole.

 

Every single place you have ever ate food treats YOUR food like this

 

British Railways.

 

British Leyland... I'm on a roll.

 

British Leyland does toast?
Oh, are toast.

 

I think he holds grudges.

 

IDK, that just made my day that Trump meme.

 

Teacher: How much is a gram?


Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

Bada BOOM tsss​

 

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."


I did too.

 

How do you starve a black person?


Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

 

Membership Directory
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his unit. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his member.
"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club".

 

Billy Crystal once said: "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

 

...was just thinking of a new business model for Instagram.... branching out into the fast drugs trade.....a wee baggie of coke could be called Sweet n' High......