I didn't! I've used that story for years. The first time was for a speech in high school, right after it happened. Used it again for an English paper in college. And once more for something else... can't remember what now. I gave you the Reader's Digest version. The entire story is better.
Nope, I've never peed my pants out of fear. I've done it for fun of course, but never out of fear. I once made my mother laugh so hard she peed her pants. Then I told over 200 people about it at her retirement party... as she literally crawled under the table.
A few odd or interesting events. Growing up in Southern California had it's moments. I sat and talked with Michael Landon and was in a TV movie he made [just part of a crowd at the Los Angeles Colosseum]. That was cool! I was about 12 and he was in his prime. Nobody on TV was cooler than Michael Landon! It happened to be my sister's birthday. And she had a terrible crush on Landon. So I asked and he kindly wrote her a happy birthday note on napkin for me. She slept with it under her pillow for at least 5 years. Prince once showed up in a limo to pick up a neighbor for a date. I almost ran into Danny DeVito on my bicycle. I used to eat my lunch in front of Lucille Ball's house on occasion. When on the job I would leave and park on some side street to eat. Her house and a bunch of other celebrities lived right around the corner from a hospital where was doing service work at times. Never did see her. Sat in Johnny Carson's chair, at his desk, when he was still doing The Tonight Show. My buddy had a sister who worked at NBC and she got us lot passes. So we could go anywhere we wanted except where they were actively recording something. It was super cool! But sitting in Johnny's chair was the coolest part. I delivered newspapers to Sandy Kofax's parents. Bobby Sherman, The Carpenters, and War [the group who did Low Rider] were all in the area. I was at the hospital when they brought in Karen Carpenter. I was standing right outside the ER when they pulled her from the ambulance. I didn't realize it was her until I heard a nurse gasp and whisper - That's Karen Carpenter. Within half an hour we heard that she had passed. I worked at Hollywood Park [horse track] and had to rush films of the race to ABC, NBC, and CBS studios, for their sports reporters to make copies for the news at 11:00 So I got to know many of the people doing the local news. Connie Chung was the most notable. She was just a local reporter back then. Snoop Dog lived across the street from my high school [he was just a little kid then] I once took a pee with Jimmy Walker. Oh yes! And how could I forget this one?!?! I used to party with the guys who made the cult film, Phantasm! It was fun to listen to them talk about the making of the movie.
My mum gave Ayrton Senna a picture of Alan Prost to sign when I was a child and I had to chase him down in the the street later (Monaco) after he stormed off. We won £1000 in the mid 80's and I scratched the void if removed (I still hear about that to this day, I was 6 lol) Not so much funny but sad my dad was at the race Senna died and years later the race Earnhart died this really upset him he's only ever been Nascar twice so you can imagine to see 2 of this heroes die is extreme. I sat on one the Nolan sisters knee when I was a kid and they wanted to buy me off my parents I always told them they should have sold me lol.
I ran the Mountain Shop in Yosemite. One morning after opening a straggly little park bum came in smelling like a wet dog and wood smoke...I watched him walk directly back to my North Face section, I walked back to straighten racks to be sure he didn't steal. About five minutes passed and he walked to the register area carrying a Mountain Jacket (Blue and Black) which costs 290 dollars. I told him his total and he handed me a credit card, The card name said R. Williams so I looked at the mans face. he asked...it was dirty and he was wearing a hoody...I simply said..."Really", and he smiled as he said "please don't tell anyone. I didn't.
The daughter of Carlton Fisk married one of my shift managers. One day he and his wife stopped in on their way to Chicago and ordered food. I had been introduced to him before because his son in law knew I was a big fan. When I delivered their food I told them that I had met their daughter finally and said she was a great young lady, he should be proud. In typical fashion for him he waved it off and said it was all his wife's doing, he was on the road a lot. I say typical because he was very old school. After a great season late in his career a writer asked him if he was going to hold out to modify his contract for more money. His response was the Sox had taken a big chance giving a catcher his age a three year contract and nobody put a gun to his head when he signed it. But my favorite Fisk story was he and Neon Dione Sanders. Pro sports could benefit from more like him.
My friend saw Boy George in London and he was staring at him and Boy George got the arse with him and said what are you staring at so my mate (Who knew who he was) told he he thought he knew him but he realised he's never seen him before in his life! Boy George stormed off lol. We met Howard Marks when we were 18 and he shagged my Welsh mate which was skanky give she was 18 and he 50 something lol.
While we're on famous people we've known. The bar I managed on campus while in school was a friendly neighborhood bar that happened to be on campus. A lot of very attractive young ladies started hanging out there because it's reputation was not as a pick up bar but one where they could drink in peace. This didn't mean that if a fourth for euchre was needed they wouldn't be asked to play it just meant no "Hey, beautiful...". On those rare occasions when someone would bother one of them, never a regular mind you, I would come out from behind the bar and lean in between them and ask her if she was sticking around until my shift ended. The women recognizing the ploy always answered yes, never did stay mind you. On all but one occasion the boy figured out she wasn't with someone because he was working behind the bar and could cut him off at any moment. More than a few relationships started there. One day Dick Butkis and a friend came in. He was in town to watch his nephew play. We treated them like anyone else, they even got their butts kicked at darts. All was good right up until someone, again, not a regular, said "Aren't you Dick Butkis?" So much for hanging out in a campus bar like the old days. His friend said of course not but they left before word would spread outside.
One of my earliest memories is getting a set of magnetic letters - the alphabet - and a magnetic white board. I couldn't have been more than 4 and was probably a little younger. I know because of where we lived. I was just learning the alphabet and remember working through the letters by name, one by one. A B C D E F G H I J K... Uh oh! I couldn't figure out which one was LMNO - the letter Ellemmenno. I don't know why but that still makes me laugh.
Almost ended it all, but instead decided to divorce my wife and make a bee line for Reno - where prostitution is legal. We hadn't slept in the same bed for ten years. So off I went to start an entirely new life. And I was on a mission!!! I didn't think I'd ever have sex again. But now I can do whatever I want!!! I ended up spending the weekend with two women. But when I landed there I had no idea what I was doing. I'd never even gone to strip club. And I was more than a little concerned that I might end up getting arrested or end up dead. I was completely out of my element. But I didn't care. Either I was going to end up in jail, dead, or getting laid. I got an executive suite on the top floor of the hotel. It was a beautiful room with a fantastic view. It had secure access and added glass security doors. Well alright! This is good. I can see who it is before anyone can get in. But where do I begin. I had no idea!!! I looked at a few brothels online but they didn't look appealing. So I decided to just relax and start with a deep-tissue massage. I don't think I'd had full range of motion in my neck for five years. I called the hotel extension and they said they'd send someone up. Great! Before long this hippy-looking guy with earrings shows up at my door. Ah sht!!! I assumed they would send some young hottie, not a 30 yo hippy guy!!! Oh well. He brought in his table and I got situated. I'd never had a massage done by a man before, but screw it! As long as I can move my neck again. He was definitely doing some serious deep-tissue work and doing a great job. He about had me flying off the table a few times as he hit critical spots in my back. He was also teaching me key massage techniques that use on every date to this day. Then he started on my legs. Eh, okay, this is making me a little uncomfortable but I decided to see how it goes. We were talking the entire time and he was telling me about his previous life and career. He was married and it fell apart. And he was a cop for a day. On his very first day, and his very first call, he was first on the scene and saw something horrible - a kid that had committed suicide. He quit that afternoon and decided to study massage. As he was talking about his new life, he was working his way up my leg. As he grabbed my thigh, he said, "And I'm gay". Wooooooah!!!!! I was about to grab his arm but he was already working his way back down. Whewwwwwww! But now I'm getting a massage from a gay guy!!! ACK!!! Uh,,, well, as long as he doesn't start getting friendly again, I guess. He was giving me a fantastic massage. We continued to talk and he turned out to be very cool. In fact, he was well connected and hooked me up for the weekend. No sleazy brothels for me! I was spending the weekend with two top tier escorts! And all thanks to my former cop, gay, hippy masseuse.
How old were you before you realized that the lyrics were Mares eat oats and Does eat oats and Little lambs eat ivy A kid'll eat ivy, too Wouldn't you? and not Mare zedoe and Do see do and Little lambs zedivey? I was in college.
Ring in the Beach Boys. My aunt corrected me when she heard me singing Help me Rhonda Help, help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda Help, help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda Help, help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda yeah Eat her out in my car
Sabrina certainly does have some projection equipment. And who knew that replacing formula with coke will help a baby fit in it it's pre-teen and teen years? Damn my mother for such negligence.
A high rise construction manager was looking for employees as his project was falling behind. One of the applicants was a woman, he was a bit apprehensive but one of his buddies had her work for him and highly recommended her. So after a few weeks he is really impressed. He finds he left a tool and since she is the closest to him and using hand signals: I (points at himself) need (points to his knee) a hammer (hits his fist on his open palm). She responds: (points at herself)(cups her left breast) (then grabs her groin). He didn't get it and after several times both of them repeating the same hand signals, he loses his temper and goes to where she is working, and yells about her not knowing hand signals. She tells him he just couldn't understand her. You said you needed a hammer. "You're correct, what did you say." I said "I (cups her left breast) left tit, (grabs her groin) in the box.
One time I rebuilt an old robot used by the police for PR work, for use at a major Cub Scout event. It was a big hit and a lot of fun. But perhaps the best moment was when I was driving through town with the robot [about the same size as a person] standing in the back of my truck and screaming for help. I would make sure he turned to look at anyone on the sidewalk by remote control. At that same event, which had a space theme, I made a UFO. It was all a part of a story line we had built up over the entire week. I used an 8 foot diameter weather balloon filled with helium. Black sheet plastic was used to create a dark and sinister looking shape, with a ring of LEDs flashing around the perimeter. My ex and I could control it through the use of two relatively invisible strings. I also had arranged for an audio recording of strange space sounds to start when we released the UFO. Things went mostly as planned except for two things. Firstly, all the kids were gathered for the events of the final evening when we released it. As soon as a few kids saw it, they screamed something alerting everyone that the long-awaited Vorgons had arrived. A moment later, I looked up to see a wall of about 100 kids running at full speed towards me. I saw at least two go down in the frenzy. Luckily there were no real injuries but it got crazy for a moment. Those kids were absolutely out of control. The best part came when we realized that three kids were missing. We found them hiding in their tents. When that UFO went up, everyone but those three ran towards it. But not them! They ran the other direction!
My ex and I were traveling and had first class rail passes good anywhere in Europe. I had a cousin in Holland and used his place as a central point and branched out from there. At one point we headed off to points South and East, which included Germany and Switzerland. We had no particular plan and played it loose. But then we decided to head up to Zermatt - an extremely exclusive ski town located high in the Alps. In the winter it would have been out of our price range but this was late Spring. We took the main rail system to Visp. And from there caught another train, and then another that climbed the mountain to Zermatt. We were probably half way up the mountain when a man came along collecting tickets. We showed our passes and he said they were no good. WHAT? Why not? This is a private rail line, he replied. I had no idea this could be an issue. Okay, how much? I think it was about $100 each. No problem. I had tons of Dutch, German, and French money on me. No he replied, I can only accept Swiss Franks. No problem. I can give you my credit card. We don't accept credit cards, he replied. Can't I pay using my card when we get to Zermatt? You're not going to Zermatt, he replied very sternly. Honest to god, he was going to kick us off the train in the snow, in the middle of the Swiss Alps. He was threatening to do so when someone suggested the caboose. We could ride in the caboose for a nominal fee. And thank goodness I had purchased coffee and snacks after we entered Switzerland. I had enough change in Swiss Franks to ride in the caboose. But no kidding! The man could see I had plenty of money and numerous credit cards, and he was going to toss us off the train in the middle of nowhere! I thought of this when I heard that Switzerland was the only country Anthony Bourdain wouldn't visit. He had some kind of innate fear of the Swiss. I can relate!
A couple of more California encounters I had forgotten. Some people may remember Jan and Dean, who were a popular singing duo on par with The Beach Boys. My dad worked with Jan's father for years. And at the same company, Pappy Boyington was my father's boss. It was pretty cool having an entire TV series [Baa Baa Black Sheep] about my dad's boss. I remember meeting him once but I was too young at the time to appreciate his history. My dad said even then, Boyington was a hell-raiser, a heavy drinker, and a womanizer.
While making a hobby of researching the UFO phenomena, I got to know Ed Mitchell, one of original astronauts who walked on the moon. I had emailed his general account to confirm reports I had heard about him. He finally gave me his personal email. He is a BIG believer. He even said he knows people in the intel community who have seen aliens [ETs]. He had what I guess you would call a transcendental experience on the way back from the moon. He said something about being in deep space opens you to influences we don't normally experience on earth.
Speaking of Astronauts What is particularly interesting is when he discusses the UFO landing at Edwards Air Force Base when he was in charge of test flights there.
