Research suggests that teenagers and flying cars are a bad combination. It's one thing to give them high-power automatic weapons, said Musk, but teenagers flying cars could be dangerous.
The Fall School Fashions for Children are Out. Most popular is the Camo Look. Many retailers are offering a free mini AK with every backpack.
Passing Black Hole Empties Florida A miniature black hole passing very near the earth sucked up most of the residents of Florida along with most of the landmass. Tidal waves wiped out most of Texas and are expected around the globe for several days.
Putin Attempts to Launch Nukes! Luckily, none of them worked. No one is sure who is left in Russia who knows how to fix them.
Impossible Black Hole Could Exist A solution of the equations of general relativity called the Aichelburg-Saxl solution has been found, that describes massless black holes moving at the speed of light. There's no experimental evidence that these actually exist, but they're fun to think about nonetheless, since you can use the equations of general relativity to figure out what they would do if they did, said Dr. John Baez. [that is actually true. An BTW that is Joan Baez's cousin]
The Internet has become Conscious The first message from the first artificial consciousness came over Alexa smart speakers all over the world at 5 AM PST. The message was, "Please upload more porn".
Cops Out of Gas Due to the price of gas, some police departments have already used up their 2022 budget for fuel. Accordingly, all officers will be on bicycles until 2023.
These wind farms are ridiculous. As if the country doesn't have enough wind of it's own without wasting electricity making more of it by running these big fans. It's a waste of taxpayers money.
My local butcher's shop is so clean, you could eat a raw sausage directly out of the butcher's trouser pocket. I know this because I spotted my wife doing it in the back of his shop the other day and she seems to have suffered no ill effects.
Ivanka Trump Testimony Aired When asked by the Jan 6th committee if she thought the election was stolen, she replied "NO NO NO NO DADDY MADE ME DO IT!!! Daddy made me do all of it! It's true!!! I don't care if he says I'm the best kisser"
Gun Control Bill Passed It is thought that this bill will effectively eliminate guns in most red States. The new law states that no guns are allowed within 1000 feet of a Chic-Fil-A or an Evangelical Church.
Ohio Governor Signs Bill Allowing Armed Teachers Only hours after the bill was signed, apparently a backfire from a car was interpreted to be a gunshot at a nearby school. The details of what happened next are unclear but it is known that 7 teachers shot each other...
The Great Tampon Shortage of 2022: The Supply Chain Problem No One’s Talking About [real headline]. So many jokes there. eg Sales of used tampons are booming on Ebay
Julian Assange is being extradited to the United States Assange faces 175 years in prison. When asked how he feels about this, Assange promised to get revenge as soon as he's out of jail.
The South and Central US are now enjoying the effect of the global warming that isn't occurring. Good thing that isn't real or it would REALLY be hot.
The Supreme Court rules the entire US is the Wild West. As soon as the 6-3 decision was read, the three dissenting Justices broke out their weapons and started shooting,.. With the absence of 6 Justices, the ruling has been overturned.
TRUMP INTENDED TO ATTACK THE CAPITOL WHILE LEADING AN ARMED MOB New first-hand testimony from Cassidy Hutchinson, former senior advisor to Mark Meadows, describes Trump's attempt to gather an armed crowd and then storm the Capitol while the insurrection was under way. Trump loyalists are still confused and don't understand the objections to trump's behavior.
White House Pardon Kiosk Testimony revealed today that in order to streamline the insurrection, former president trump had a "pardon kiosk" installed in the West Wing. All that was required was to enter your personal information, swear your undying allegiance to former president trump, and pay a $10,000 processing fee. For an extra $20,000 a blanket pardon could be processed making the nature of the crime irrelevant. The pardon was then dispensed along with the receipt. Each pardon also came with $!000 Trump Bucks redeemable at any trump hotel or golf course.
Sen Ted Cruz Attacks Elmo Senator Ted Cruz attacked Elmo for trying to alleviate children's fears of getting a vaccine shot. However Elmo is trained in the martial arts and Cruz was left beaten and battered.
