What is your notion of an ideal mate?

It's a game they play here called "spot the bad orange man" not a question of if he appears in every thread, just a matter of when.
If Trump comes to mind in this thread, I'd venture to say they dont have Spouses.

 

We are not mirrors, and as you say, should compliment each other.

There are rare actual arguments in 26 years of marriage (and 30 years together). There may be heated discussions, but the purpose of them is to find compromise. No skeletons to be drug out, no other subjects thrown into the game. Address the subject, come to a conclusion and move forward.

 

Men and women are so very different but they both want to find long lasting love and that requires lots of hard emotional work and often painful compromise especially when they find equally stubborn mates. (I know)
But it is incredibly fulfilling when done properly!

 

There are always compromises. If you wait for the absolutely perfect mate, you may never marry. The most important traits are honesty and faithfulness. Everything else can be sorted out. Hopefully, you'll sort out the important stuff before you commit. I've been married for 29 years and have 3 grown kids.

 

I don't think Denizen is.

 

I gathered that but that is none of my business.

 

Find a girl you are attracted to and seems committed to you and commit to her even harder. That’s my recipe. My female friends advise me to let her be a bitch now and then cause you’re a bastard more often than you admit. Probably good advice

 

Choose someone who is more family oriented rather than career oriented. A woman who prioritizes career over family is never going to fully commit to a marriage except as a vehicle for a career.

 

I have four girls and no guy is ever going to be good enough.

If I had a son, I would grill this girl to death but that job would be taken by his mom who is merciless with suitors.

The filter is tight and people with one night stands on their mind or would be gold diggers would be in grave danger.

Dads might be scary but moms quietly deliver and know how not to leave a trail!

 

Fact is that men emulate their fathers but look for a mate like their mother.

This seems normal and heathy to me.

 

they would know how to cook italian food

 

"A red-headed swinger that owns a liquor store". Part of a line in Jack Webb's " The D.I.", works for me.

 

My perfect mate died of Pancreatic Cancer in 1989

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

I’ve experienced this cancer in people in my own life.
I’m so sorry!

 

No such thing as perfect, but being picky about character means you can come close.

For me it was honesty, decency, clean-living (no addictions), very fit and active, responsible, and a history of good stable relationships with family/friends. As for the extras, a sense of humour would be my number one.

 

For me, a sense of humor was a requirement. Pretty much all else could eventually fall in line. I was fortunate to find honesty, decency and humor in a nice neat package.

 

Is that what they call a short list for the easy to please?

 

Same! I got the upgrade package also. 30 years on my tough criteria is still paying off

I suspect we differ on what can be learned though. That decency/stability/responsibility/good habits stuff is imprinted early by parental modelling .. and is very difficult to acquire in adulthood simply as a function of choice. They're automatic and instinctive behaviours. Our forebears (and those still practising arranged marriages) were right to check out the family before choosing a mate for us!