Why do parents tell kids they are more than they are?

To inspire them to attempt more?




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Yes, but the idea is succeed.

I've actially seen the OPs point happening. Mom says, "Yes, you can do it". Kid tries, fails, gives up, sits down disappointed. It looks like an established pattern. It was fairly painful to watch.

 

From the humans I've met. People getting no praise from their parents are much more likely to become sociopathic criminals--most gang members fall into that category--they don't get praise and love from their parents, so they get it from the gang. People getting too much praise are more likely to be soft and weak, and live in their parent's basement for the rest of their life. The first group will harm you. The second group only harms themselves.

Well, in that case, her flight instructor (not her father) thought she could fly well enough. He died with her.

http://www.nytimes.com/1996/04/12/us/girl-7-seeking-us-flight-record-dies-in-crash.html

 

That's part of it but with young kids it is really hard to tell how much they can accomplish.

 

It is very hard to imagine what young kids might accomplish in a lifetime. So many encourage them to aim high.




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Each time he swings the bat and misses the ball it can be frustrating. But so worth it when he connects.




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Absolutely. Criticism and praise are both necessary, but in the correct dose. When either one is used too often, it becomes detrimental.

In addition, it is important to praise the effort, not the result. A good result being praised that took little effort is not helpful, as is criticising a bad result that involved lots of effort. Again, the aim is to have the focus not on winning (the desired result), but on the effort expended in the process.

 

You have some reason to believe Obama, Clinton, and too many other leftist politicians to name were insufficiently praised as children?

So did her idiot father, who obviously thought the same since he was in the plane with both of them.

 

Process orientation as opposed to goal orientation. Much better way to live and also likely to produce more processes that are functional.

And yes, praise the effort. Also, education as to the shortcoming of the effort, why the goal wasn't reached, instruction to anticipate the conditions next time. These things create true confidence and the ability to try again with more competency, harder. A true inventory of skill and goal are possible.

 

Because you gotta try! Why quit before you start? You never know what could of been if you sit life out. OK, sounds like Pollyanna BS, but it's true. You dont want to start out saying, "you suck" even if that's what you believe. My daughter is an OK soccer player, NO WAY a star at the select league level, just a solid player who is not great, she wants to try out for her high school team next year, which is a giant high classification school, with like 4000 students and only 25-30 girls make the team that was in the Class AAA State Finals last year, I doubt she will make it. But I will tell her "Try, you can do it", I also added, "This is a tough team, it will be hard to make it", so if you don't make it the 1st time, try out again next year".... Why not, what's the worst that can happen? You'll get cut? Just fccckin' try. Should I tell her "Don't try, you can't make it"... That's my real opinion, but why say that? Because the truth is, you never know UNTIL YOU TRY. I had the same experience as a kid myself, my high school was also a giant school, a football power house, 150-200 kids tried out every year, only 56 made it, people laughed when I tried out... I embarrassed myself, didn't make it, not even close! But the next year, I got stronger, bigger, the next time, I made it, eventually I was a letterman on a state championship team, that played games in an NFL stadium, that had 3 teammates that made the NFL. Did I go pro? hell no, I sucked! I didn't even play college ball... But if I had listened to reason, I would never have lived those experiences that I did live. So why discourage a kid from trying by telling him or her YOU CAN'T DO IT.

 

it all depends on what you are trying to mould, we all have differing values.

 

So TRY AGAIN. It's stupid to be too "realistic" when you're just a child! You should believe you are capable of being more than you are, because if you don't you might not even reach your potential, you might end up being LESS than you can be.

It sounds like you are saying that you have to succeed RIGHT AWAY or why bother even trying? Didn't you ever fail at something then TRY AGAIN? or even keep trying 1000 times before you get it right? Or did you always just quit after the 1st failed attempt? and say "Oh well I CAN'T ".

 

It's a part of the whole destructive "bad" American parenting system. American parents do not even know what and when should their children know. Some information may be harmful for childish mind. Some ideas may yield a tragic harvest in their life. However nobody gives a f@ck.

 

I think what parents mean to do and what they actually do are totally different. Modern day parents totally shield their kids. Nobody can thrive in that environment.

 

Maybe some parents are like that, but most just realize that kids need to be pushed in order to reach their potential.

I think the bigger problem is that some parents think this achievement will come naturally with no input from them. They send them off to a failing school system thinking that's the answer.

 

I was told I could be anything I wanted, I became successful.

 

Another great post. I know a lot of young people who I have conversations with and it is like basic information is introduced to them for the very first time. Parents...do your job!!!

 

I see more harm in telling kids they can't accomplish anything on their own. That they can't discover or build anything themselves. That they need to 'be educated' to be useful, that they need someone to 'give them' a job to contribute. That they require someone to set out all the pieces and lead them them through a preset process in order to accomplish anything.

Part of the our decline as a society is that society gives kids the impression they are less capable and less talented than they actually are. Then they can't cope with life as they get older. This is an issue that needs to stop. I don't get why they don't see the harm they are causing.




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Yes, and encourage them to try a variety of activities. Then you will both discover their talents and they can choose to gravitate in that direction or keep searching for their niche. This process involves trying, failing, learning, persevering and eventually succeeding at something, which should enhance self-esteem.

 

Hmmmmm. Interesting.