Women want their babies back, but it's too late

Discussion in 'Abortion' started by kazenatsu, May 18, 2018.

  1. kazenatsu

    kazenatsu Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    First, a little mood music to play before we get started:




    It's not uncommon for women to want their babies back. But it's far too late.


    The following stories demonstrate three cases of women with regrets.




    It says ultrasound examination form, so when I went to have, before I had my abortion they had to perform an ultrasound to figure out how far along I was... It says "client was offered to view image - to view the ultrasound, check. Either 'check viewed' or 'declined'. They checked 'viewed'. ... (holding back tears) I never saw my ultrasound. I was told nothing was visible. And I was told that it wouldn't matter, you couldn't see a heartbeat, you couldn't see anything, it was just... I wouldn't know what I was looking at. (sarcastic tone) It also says "client requested and was given copy of image". That's also checked. (holding back tears again) I wasn't ever given a picture of my son. ... But when I went to Planned Parenthood today and got all the records... I saw those, my ultrasounds for the very first time - six years later (sobbing, she holds up pictures) You can see the heartbeat going off right there. ... He was almost an inch long. I was between 8 and 9 weeks, and he was almost an inch long. (long period of silence) I know so many people out there say that Planned Parenthood - they "do so much" and "offer so many good services for women" .. And I just want to know why I was denied seeing this. You say that "women don't change their minds" because of it... I don't know if I would have.. but if I had, would it have been so bad?​



    I Want My Baby Back

    "I thought I was doing the best thing for my child. I knew he was a baby, living inside of me. After pleading and begging my child's father to reconsider, I gave up and scheduled the procedure. Everyone stated the procedure was akin to having wisdom teeth removal.

    They promised relief but all I had was misery and despair. I wanted my baby back but it was much too late for that. I can not describe adequately the emptiness I felt. I came in swollen and full of life and left fragmented, broken, and empty. I have been a wreck. I could barely get out of bed from the grief. I would wake up, shower, and return to bed. I could not work. All I could do was cry, and sob, and weep. The emotional pain engulfed me like a tidal wave. I wanted to die. A part of me did die, and not just my baby. I am forever changed. I have been battling depression ever since.

    I am having the hardest time getting over my maternal instincts and bond with my baby. I knew it was the killing of a baby. Just not My baby. I struggle with what type of mother/father kills her/his own baby? She/he is clearly unfit to ever parent. I wonder about my fertility now and if I will ever have children. Now all I want is a baby. Before this ordeal, all I wanted was a husband.

    I know a couple of women in my family who claim to be not affected by their abortions but they all display other issues. My cousin is very promiscuous and takes Plan B like birth control. My sister has been in counseling. Another cousin is abusing drugs. No problems, huh?

    I was pro choice before my abortion, I am pro-life now. The baby is not meant to be viable outside the mother during the first trimester. He is meant for our womb. That's its purpose."
    --posted by This2willpass
    June 5, 2009
    http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Had-An-Abortion/575472


    when does it get better?


    "I had an abortion several years ago and feel like it still shouldn't hurt. I was a teenager when I got pregnant 16 to be exact my boyfriend at the time was 17 we both were still in high school living with our parents and had no real means of supporting ourselves. Despite all of that we still planned to have our baby. For was a little over 11weeks we didn't tell our families and during that time things were good. We were scared but we had each other. We started to pick put names and all. He was so attentive to me and loving even at 17 however, after we told our families all the happiness inside of us seemed to slowly drain out. My mother pushed and pushed until I decided to go through with the abortion. His parents not better. My mom literally backed me and my child's dad into a corner. She was mean and spiteful. She said hurtful things to both of us and lied to me about him. She made me think he wasn't there for me she was constantly telling me he didn't call when he did and she didn't allow him to see me, meanwhile, leaving me to feel completely alone. When I was 13 weeks pregnant I arrived at the first appointment that was made for me but I didn't go through with it but I was strong armed to make another appointment. The end result is that I killed my baby and in one day lost a part of my soul and my boyfriend. For months I cried myself to sleep daily and faced the next day like everything was fine like I was supposed to. After all these years I still think about our baby. On my due date I find myself still feeling down even after all this time. I randomly cry about this child. I wonder what my baby would look like, sound like, who he/she would take after me or her father. I feel like I made a huge mistake and that there is no one who understands the pain except for my baby's dad. This has caused me to still be angry with my mom and yet I have to pretend that we are ok. My husband thinks I had a miscarriage and I feel like he would never understand me or anyone for that matter. No one knows how much this hurt at the time or that it still hurts now I so miss this child and I just want to stop hurting. I want to feel whole again."

    - ItStillHurts 07/27/2010


    Woman told her unborn baby before Abortion: "I Love You, Little Thing, and I Wish the Circumstances Were Different"

    One study showed that, within 8 weeks of the period after their abortions, 55% of women expressed guilt, 44% complained of nervous disorders, 36% had experienced sleep disturbances, 31% had regrets about their decision, and 11% had been prescribed medicine to treat mental issues.
    Ashton,"They Psychosocial Outcome of Induced Abortion", British Journal of Ob&Gyn.(1980),vol.87,p1115-1122.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2018
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  2. HonestJoe

    HonestJoe Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Yes, abortion isn’t in any way easy and is not a decision to be taken lightly. Pregnancy and birth aren’t easy or decisions to be taken lightly either.

    I don’t see any of this as a reason to ban abortion (or heavily restrict to the point of effectively banning), not least because we know banning it doesn’t actually stop it happening. I see it as an argument to be more open and honest about abortion, making it available in mainstream professional clinical environments where all the accurate and relevant information can be provided and all the options made available. Handled properly that could actually reduce the numbers and also allow for the necessary after-care and support to reduce the psychological consequences.

    Pushing abortion out to dedicated private clinics, something to be embarrassed about, something to be hated and condemned, as seems to be the case in much of the US currently, actually reduces the scope for that. It means that most the people who will be willing to go through the negativity, threats and attacks to provide the services are going to be on one extreme of the debate and therefore not as open and balanced in their discussions with pregnant women as they should be (though no less than their opposite numbers, who will fight against even the option of discussing abortion as an option).
     
  3. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Those of the rabid Pro-Birth mentality are not well known for Honest and Open discussion.
     
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  4. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Oh, but they love their PANDA bears :teddy::teddy::teddy::teddy::teddy:

    ...and this thread has the same relationship to abortion that his PANDA'S ARE CUTE thread....


    I love this advertising of Anti-Choicers having NO good arguments....:)
     
  5. Nonsensei436

    Nonsensei436 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Oh no this one woman was sad because she was denied the opportunity to let an ultrasound image convince her not to get an abortion.

    Nonsense. It wouldn't have convinced her. You don't go to get an abortion if you're unsure you want one. Its not like getting a manicure or something. Its a medical procedure.

    Six years later, she DOES want a child and now regrets having gotten an abortion. Welcome to life. Sometimes you make decisions you're sure of at the time and then you or your circumstances change and you realize you would make a different choice now and regret the choices you made in the past.
     
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  6. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Well put and true, common sense and logic....and that's why the OP will probably ignore it :)
     
  7. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Good post but I question : ""It means that most the people who will be willing to go through the negativity, threats and attacks to provide the services are going to be on one extreme of the debate and therefore not as open and balanced in their discussions with pregnant women as they should be""


    People who provide this legal medical procedure are NOT extreme....no more than anyone else providing legal medical procedures.

    They are providing a legal medical procedure and have no reason to promote it.

    Preserving and guarding and defending women's right to their own bodies is not "extreme"....


    HOW are they not "as open and balanced" in their discussions with women?


    Yes, Anti-Choicers want the doctors to force feed pregnant women options to abortion....but never options to pregnancy.
     
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  8. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Yup, you got one right!

    It is too late ....:) :) :) :)
     
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  9. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    When someone tries to pin you down on what you believe, or point out the inconsistencies of your position you just disappear from the thread :)
     
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  10. Renee

    Renee Well-Known Member

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    If women suffer , it’s from “curiosity” about what might have been, they romanticize the situation. Your statistics are wrong. But meantime women know that that could be a side effect of abortion but that’s their decision. If they made a wrong decision that’s on them. There are millions of women who are just content that they didn’t have to raise an unwanted child that they could not afford
     
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  11. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    Did you notice the OP had to play "mood" music because Anti-Choicers operate on emotion (mood) and not facts (which don't need any music)
     
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  12. Iriemon

    Iriemon Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    So they say they wish they had a baby instead of an abortion. So what's preventing them from having a baby, or ten of them, now if that is what they want?

    And after having and exercising the right and option to have an abortion, they decided they made a mistake ... and because *they* made a mistake, they want to prevent other women from having the choice and option they had?

    Jeez. How selfish can you get?

    That's like saying -- I messed up and voted for donald. So now no one should be able to vote.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  13. kazenatsu

    kazenatsu Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Yet this same sort of logical mentality is used to prevent people from using drugs, or in some cases trying to prevent people from suicide.

    And what about for females under the age of 18? There are already all sorts of laws that try to prevent those who are not yet adults from making certain types of mistakes they may come to regret later. (Unless you believe a 14-year-old girl should be allowed to go into the adult film industry if she so chooses)
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  14. Iriemon

    Iriemon Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    That doesn't follow. If you have and abortion and decide you really wanted to have a baby, you can generally still have a baby. Or several.

    If you commit suicide, you can't change your mind and decide to live.

    Different issue.
     
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  15. Renee

    Renee Well-Known Member

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    Do you think a 14-year-old is responsible enough to be a mother? I have had several students under the age of 16 who had abortions. It is not up to the parent to force a girl to breed against her will. If she is not old enough to make the decision, Then she certainly is an old enough to be a mother
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
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  16. kazenatsu

    kazenatsu Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Sometimes the grandmother will take care of it, and the baby will be raised like a cousin or younger sibling. And there is the option of adoption.

    I know you don't believe she's old enough to give birth to a baby, but by the same token, what makes you think she's old enough to go through an abortion? That's not some minor thing either. If women who are 25 years old can be traumatized for life because of an abortion, all the more so for a 14 year old.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  17. Renee

    Renee Well-Known Member

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    So you’re saying that the child is not fit to take care of it she needs a grandmother to do that. Oh I just love it when a man suggests that a woman put up her child for adoption as though it is such a simple little thing. In my sex Ed class I would talk about this but one day a student of mine who was 14 and her mother wouldn’t let her get an abortion asked if she could talk to the class. Wow did she tell them how awful it was to be in the role she is. Every other word out of her mouth was the F word and I don’t allow cursing in the classroom but I let her go. It was the best lesson I never gave
     
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  18. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    An abortion is a lot simpler and not as hard on a 14 year old body as a pregnancy is...


    Having a kid can traumatize women for life and you denying it won't change that...:)

    Uh, sometimes there is NO "grandma" to take care of it and I did note how you didn't mention "grandpa"...as if it 's set in your mind that only women are responsible for taking care of the baby but men rule on whether women should have them or not.....and I bet you don't think you're sexist..;)


    And how about if "grandpa" is also "Dad" ????


    BTW, NO "grandma" is obligated to take care of a grandchild.



    And do try to read your own words, ""OPTION of adoption""...an OPTION, know what it means? It means women have a CHOICE.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2018
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  19. Junkieturtle

    Junkieturtle Well-Known Member Donor

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    People regretting their choice later in life is not an argument against abortion.

    Unless of course it's an argument against practically everything, because regret is universal.
     
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  20. kazenatsu

    kazenatsu Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    It's not a complete total argument in and of itself, but it is part of the overall wider argument.
     
  21. Doofenshmirtz

    Doofenshmirtz Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    So why don't you offer to adopt and agree to give the child back if they change their mind? Those who gave their child up for adoption can't get their baby back either.

    But if you go to Chili's you can get your baby back with BBQ sauce!
     
  22. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Well-Known Member

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    No, it's not....it has nothing to do with women's right to their own body...


    Why did you ignore all the posts explaining why you were wrong?
     
  23. Junkieturtle

    Junkieturtle Well-Known Member Donor

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    It really isn't though, because people regret all kinds of things. Big things, mid-size things, small things. If regretting a choice later was an argument against the choice you made or even an argument against having the ability to make that choice at all, then there is literally nothing that would be left that wouldn't be included in that argument. And you can't just isolate that logic to the abortion debate only, because that isn't logical.

    As Wiley E. Coyote would say, "back to the drawing boards".
     
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  24. Renee

    Renee Well-Known Member

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    That’s for women to decide. That is not an argument for anyone to make. Maybe we should ban marriage because more people get divorces because they made a bad decision
     
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  25. kazenatsu

    kazenatsu Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    That's a fallacy of parts (or more often referred to as fallacy of division). I didn't say that regret alone is a reason to ban things. But it can be a contributory reason if there's also some other reason.
    Just because something doesn't stand alone to make a logical argument doesn't mean it can't bolster another argument.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2018

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